My [F21] boyfriend [M21] of 3 years refuses all public affection with me but is overly attached and jealous with his sister. I am exhausted.
I (F21) and my boyfriend (M21) have been together for three years now. We dated previously, but we broke up for a year before getting back together. I have known his close family my whole childhood as we grew up as close friends. Both our families went through difficult times: his father passed away, and simultaneously, my mother suffered a stroke and was diagnosed with a tumor. We broke up at 16 and got back together at 18. We’ve had our ups and downs, but lately, I’ve felt very sensitive about public displays of affection (PDA). It has always been an issue, and I hoped it would be resolved by now. He basically shows no affection in front of his family, yet he is weirdly attached to his sister. She is uncomfortable with the situation and has clearly stated this. She is very kind to me, we are good friends, and she doesn't understand why her brother tells me he 'isn't an affectionate person.' When we are all out together, he hugs her, chats with her while excluding me, and acts overly jealous. With me, he is never jealous, nor does he kiss me or do any 'normal' couple things in public. I’ve clearly stated that I’m uncomfortable. He insists he is 'just made this way.' During an argument, I angrily told him that if I’m the problem, he should just be with his sister; he seriously replied that he 'can’t' be with her, so he is with me (using 'can't' instead of 'don't want to'). Also, last year during Christmas, we were being intimate and he stopped me because he heard his sister coming up the stairs. He said furiously, 'If she is here, it’s a "no" for me.' It has happened multiple times that he stopped having sex with me for reasons related to his sister. When I try to talk about it, he gets defensive. I’m exhausted. I want a normal relationship, and the thought that he might have something strange going on in his mind disgusts me. Also, something weird with his cousin happened but I do not know if it is relevant, so let me know if any more info is needed. My question is how do I talk to him about this and what can I do to change this situation?
*** **TL;DR:** My boyfriend of 3 years shows zero affection to me in public but is overly attached, affectionate, and jealous regarding his sister. He even stops intimacy if she is nearby. I am exhausted and disgusted, how can I talk about this whitout him getting upset? how can I address this boudarie issue? Why has this situation appeared?How can I determine if these boundary issues are fixable through communication, or if it is time to end the relationship after 3 years?