PA leading to multiple relationship issues
My wife is a victim of PA. The alienation started before her divorce. We started dating when this was happening and I spent countless hours talking to her, supporting her, holding her, and loving her. It immediately started with her son. Her daughter was still seeing her but the environment was gloomy. She moved in with me and her daughter would visit us on weekends. She was given her own room and we tried to give her a good family like environment with my 2 kids (blended). She would accept it one week but return the next week with that guilt and shame look in her eyes and could not be a part of us for awhile. This went on for about 2 years. She stopped coming over about 6 months before she turned 19. About 2 months before she turned 19, my wife (girlfriend at the time) left me abruptly to chase her down with hopes that she would move in with just her. This was a covert operation and although hurt, I supported her. Her daughter visited her once during the first month she moved out, turned 19, and then cut her off completely.
My wife returned and everything seemed good between us. We got married and not too long after, my kids were a target of her anger. It was small at first, but then about a year later, her daughter returned, granted, it was for money, and my wife began showing heightened anger around us. Our relationship began declining quickly, along with my kids and her. My kids now live with their mother. It appears to be the best for now.
Her daughter does talk to her, but as a human ATM. I know this is very hard for her and for everyone that is going through this. We spent years trying to make sense out of it. I feel her daughter's behaviors, driven by her father, have pulled us apart. I feel like I am being alienated by her alienated daughter. I am still trying to be supportive, but I think our identity as a couple is based on her daughter's approval. I love her more than anything and we had a great run until her daughter disappeared/reappeared. I spent countless nights crying alone wanting to help her, but I have been shut out of her emotional side after her daughter returned. I don't think she has room for both of us.