r/ParentalAlienation

Hi to everyone of this subreddit. Some of you may be familiar with an account on this platform under the name Dry-Basil224. Many of her posts from the subreddit have been removed because they are complete and utter nonsense. She claims parental alienation, I am her daughter she claims was kidnapped and can assure you this is false. She is incredibly mentally unwell, believes herself to be Jesus, and refuses to take accountability for any of the abuse or neglect I underwent while in her care. I am sure many of you on this subreddit are undergoing ACTUAL parental alienation, in this case I promise you it is not. I will be a legal adult in a year and still suffer the trauma I went through. Please I would really appreciate if any of you would report her account, she constantly shares my personal information despite my restrictive order against her (one I put in place lol)

My wife is a victim of PA. The alienation started before her divorce. We started dating when this was happening and I spent countless hours talking to her, supporting her, holding her, and loving her. It immediately started with her son. Her daughter was still seeing her but the environment was gloomy. She moved in with me and her daughter would visit us on weekends. She was given her own room and we tried to give her a good family like environment with my 2 kids (blended). She would accept it one week but return the next week with that guilt and shame look in her eyes and could not be a part of us for awhile. This went on for about 2 years. She stopped coming over about 6 months before she turned 19. About 2 months before she turned 19, my wife (girlfriend at the time) left me abruptly to chase her down with hopes that she would move in with just her. This was a covert operation and although hurt, I supported her. Her daughter visited her once during the first month she moved out, turned 19, and then cut her off completely.

My wife returned and everything seemed good between us. We got married and not too long after, my kids were a target of her anger. It was small at first, but then about a year later, her daughter returned, granted, it was for money, and my wife began showing heightened anger around us. Our relationship began declining quickly, along with my kids and her. My kids now live with their mother. It appears to be the best for now.

Her daughter does talk to her, but as a human ATM. I know this is very hard for her and for everyone that is going through this. We spent years trying to make sense out of it. I feel her daughter's behaviors, driven by her father, have pulled us apart. I feel like I am being alienated by her alienated daughter. I am still trying to be supportive, but I think our identity as a couple is based on her daughter's approval. I love her more than anything and we had a great run until her daughter disappeared/reappeared. I spent countless nights crying alone wanting to help her, but I have been shut out of her emotional side after her daughter returned. I don't think she has room for both of us.

My neighbour who is a friend is going through this right now but it is in the beginning stages. She is separated from her partner and has been losing the trust of her eldest teen son. I have just seen the son jump in his dad's van and go off with my neighbour in tears. I am hoping he has not gone off to live with his dad.

How can I help my neighbour friend? She has confided in me and doesn't understand why her son has suddenly turned on her and puts it down to adolescence but her partner plays the good cop/bad cop manipulation and also has said really dehumanising things to her which have made her anxious and lose self confidence.

How best to support someone who is first going into this? Have you learned anything about this now that would help someone just experiencing it from the beginning.

What would you do differently from the beginning?

Thanks in advance. It's awful to see someone else go through this. If you can offer advice on this, it will be most welcome. ❤️

Still communicating 100% through Grandpa (my dad) and tbh we were both bracing for this to go badly but were pleasantly surprised yesterday!!

So my son started texting about his old skateboard. I thought he sold it to one of his friends back when his dad was making fun of the hobby. He swore he didn’t but it’s been so long and I hadn’t seen it so I thought well, maybe it got stolen because it got left outside? He used to skateboard with his “stepdad” (I put that in quotes because we’re not married and my son just randomly started calling him that & he used to think very highly of the man) so I asked him about it and he put together a board with parts he had, while I mentioned we could get him a new board. They’re not cheap though & I told my son I would order the board he sent the link to if he did some yard work for Grandpa and he agreed but I told him he could have the spare board parts in the meantime and it was up to Grandpa to decide to give him the new board upon completing the yard work.

He was super grateful & kept thanking me & “stepdad”! Last night he was with Grandpa waiting for the fireworks and sent a selfie and thanked us again because I got the used skateboard to him before his visit! I was gobsmacked!! I guess I got used to the piss poor attitude and alienation coming on down the line from my ex. Idk what changed but my heart is so happy and I hope it leads to more moments like this. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself & hopeful but fingers crossed!! I miss my son so much. ❤️

A few years ago, I had to convict my closest brother to prison for 44 yrs. He had molested 2 of my daughters, at the time ages 5 and 9. He is currently serving. My family is torn bc of this. They don't believe he could be capable of such a thing. I am also torn. I have lost their emotional support through the years and feel they've held it against me and my kids.

This was a devastating experience for my daughters. They've been in counseling regularly since. They know I am there and continue to help them through the traumatic experience.

I stayed no contact with the most the family members that don't believe them. It's hard considering 2 are my parents.

We were always a close knit family before this.

Recently, returning to family functions, I could hear the back chatter. It breaks my heart to know they feel the way they do. Even with all the evidence presented in court to convict him. (My parents refused to attend when my daughters had to testify). Ignorance is bliss?

I may already know the answer.... But how can (if I can ) I try to keep my family close? Is this judgment going to last.... Why won't they see and believe what happened to my babies was real.i did what I had to do to protect them.

I’m in my feels today because it’s almost a year since my ex used my girls to help take my son away from me. Since I last posted in here, things have gotten a little better between my children and me, but not great. The girls have admitted they messed up and our relationship is much better now but the damage is done- my ex husband still has custody of my son and I’m stuck living away from my family and friends because I can’t bring myself to leave my son, even though I barely get to see him.

This is the second year in a row that I’ve spent 4th of July alone. The kids are at their dad’s with him and his side of the family, and I doubt I’ll get to see them today. It’s really hard to be alone for holidays when it seems like everyone around me is celebrating with their families, shooting fireworks with their kids, and having fun. I used to love holidays but now I dread them. 😔

Praying for all of us in the same boat this 4th of July.

https://preview.redd.it/e58xgz0c00bh1.png?width=3616&format=png&auto=webp&s=168edda2bc187087fb0d0709d4e449db9fd765de

My son recently turned 18.

I was not allowed to celebrate with him, and he said "no" both to a general question and a more specific invite.

The alienator's parents, his new partner's parents and sister, and my parents were invited to a simple celebration with cake. I was not.

A little later, I made plans for escape room with friends and invited my son as well, he said no.

Then I wrote him a long message our dog probably doesn't have much time left. I described how she is very tired now, and while we give her all the care possible, we can't stop time. I wrote that it's sad that he missed the last couple of years of her life because of "the situation", that we can't turn back time but if he wants to say goodbye, I can arrange for that to happen without me present, as that might be easier for him. I ended by saying he doesn't have to reply now, but I wanted to mention it.

Two days later, today, I got this reply: "I've already accepted that I won't see Julan again, and I want to remember her as she was, not as she is now. I don't want any more pictures of her, or updates about her health. I also don't want any more invites to activities. If I want to see you, I'll contact you."

I took some time to think and process, then wrote back: "Ok, then I know. Thank you for telling me. I wanted to give you the opportunity, but I respect your decision. And as for the other part, you're always welcome, you know that.".

And now... I don't know. I cry. But I also appreciate the clarity in a sense.

Picture of the aging dog, who used to be a very important part of my son's life.

Context:
My child has recently reached adult age and finished high school. I have been a sole single parent as the other parent left when our child was a toddler and I did not force the issue through the courts. They didn’t want to be involved and for our safety/stability this was sadly our better option. They had long struggled with their mental health and addictions, had been very inconsistent, and would become quite violent during low periods.

While I was initially upset with them and their choices, the busy pace of sole parenthood quickly overtook those feelings. I later worked through them in therapy, amongst other things. When our child grew and began asking questions, I explained that their other parent was not a bad person, but had made some unfortunate choices and was unable to be present as a parent. In the past year, we discussed it in further detail, the mental health and addictions, and with this understanding our child does not harbour any ill feelings towards their other parent. It was important to me that our child not grow up with a negative image of their other parent, 1. because it’s not okay to subject a child to that, and 2. because they could ultimately work past their struggles and eventually have a relationship with our child. It would not be fair to my child to taint their view of their other parent and thus taint any possible relationship they could eventually have.

With our child now reaching adulthood, I often reflect on their childhood, what I’ve learned, what I could have done differently, and other things. But I also suddenly find myself quite angry with the other parent for not being there. Our child is grown and they had nothing to do with it! They weren’t up with a sick kid in the middle of the night, they didn’t struggle to juggle work and school and childcare, they weren’t there for the numerous doctors appointments, nor the month long hospital admission, the school concerts, the field trips, the extra-curriculars, speech/physical/occupational therapies, the move to a private school, the countless hours spent volunteering, and they certainly didn’t help financially with any of it!

I did not take them to court. I did not ask a judge to ensure support. I did not force the notion that they should be involved. I know all of this, and to this day I stand behind that choice.

But quite frankly, I don’t think I should have had to. Had they wanted to be involved, they could have at any point in the last 18 years done SOMETHING in the realm of trying, reaching out, shit take ME to court for it. ANYTHING. But they did nothing, and had no repercussions for it.

Now I sit with an anger that part of me thinks is irrational and maybe unfair, but also entirely justified and deserving of some sort of justice. I don’t really know what to do with these feelings and I wonder if anyone else has experienced this and how they moved past it.

I am aware that when it comes to parental alienation all lawyers are not equal. Dealing with parental alienation is a specialty area for them to be effective. I am in southeastern Connecticut and way over my head right now. My attorney also just passed away. Does anyone have any recommendations For a good attorney in this region?

I’m the wife of an alienated dad. He has two adult daughters with his narcissistic ex-wife. The older daughter has blocked me entirely, and while she hasn’t blocked her dad yet, the only response she’ll give him to texts now is liking or disliking messages. The younger is, thankfully, still on good, if a bit strained, speaking terms and seems to be only mildly alienated (hopefully it won’t get any worse). Both of them want to continue having contact with our younger kids, but the older daughter has started venting her issues about me and my husband with my oldest kid (15m). I hope I’m being paranoid, but I’m really worried about her “corrupting” him against us, and our other kids, too. I’ve tried to find anything about this online for advice, but all I’ve found so far is a lawyer (our former lawyer, incidentally) mentioning it briefly in an interview. Has anyone else experienced this?

Before all of this happened, I was my daughter’s primary caregiver. I was the parent who made sure she was enrolled in school, attended appointments, and had her day-to-day needs met. There were many times when I had to step in to make sure important things were taken care of because they were not. I handled doctor’s appointments, school matters, and other responsibilities related to her care. Even now, she still needs a dental appointment that has not been scheduled since all of this happened.
After arguing back and forth with him and his wife, I went to their home because I was desperate to see my child after he refused to return her. Once I went inside, I immediately realized there was no point in being there because they were not going to allow me to see my daughter. I turned around and decided to leave.
As I was getting ready to leave, he was behind me recording. I saw him reach for his wife’s wallet and then tuck a plate under the couch. When we were together, he used to hide plates under the couch that had drugs on them, which is why that stood out to me.
There is now a restraining order against me. I do not want contact with either of them; I only want my daughter back and to be a part of her life.
Neither of us is currently working. I recently enrolled in school to improve my situation and create a better future for myself and my daughter. We were supposed to have court on July 13, but I have not been served yet. I had hope that I would have the opportunity to get my daughter back.
I spoke to a therapist because I felt overwhelmed and needed support. During that conversation, I felt like I was about to break down. What hurt me deeply was being told repeatedly that I had little chance of getting my daughter back and that she was better off with them because there are two adults in their household and only one of me. Mind you his wife and I were close at one point she told me herself that he has gotten physical with her and my daughter told me that they do argue a lot, and I don’t think that’s right either for her to be around but that’s besides the point.
I understand that I made a mistake by going into their home. I regret that decision. However, my actions came from panic, fear, and desperation over losing my child, not from a desire to harm anyone. I love my daughter, I have always tried to be there for her, and I do not know what to do anymore. I feel like I am losing hope.

I just came upon this term today whilst doing research on cults. Parental alienation and the dynamics set up by the alienator are extremely similar to cult dynamics.

Double drowning is a term used by people who have left a cult but who then try to go back to get someone out who is still trapped inside. The analogy is simple, when a person is drowning then there is a risk when a person tries to save them and instead drowns as well and so you have a 'double drowning'.

Dealing with this problem day in and day out and being immersed in the alienators sick mind and sick games can run the risk of drowning you whilst you desperately try to save your drowning children.

It may seem counter-intuitive but you have got to be on dry land on in an anchored boat yourself to safely help someone who is drowning.

You need to maintain as much of a healthy and normal life as possible to reflect back towards your children. That means you can't have guilt when you find happiness and stability in the world outside the prison the alienator has created.

If you are still stuck living with the alienator, try to have hobbies or interests or friends of your own that make you feel grounded in things that make you feel sane and stable and around healthy things/people. Sometimes this may look like a regular walk on your own or a room on your own or an hour alone or with others not in the alienators orbit. For me as the child of an abuser, having time alone in a room of my own having my own private interests which I did not share with my abusive parent felt like I had a whole world to myself.

If you live away from the alienator then it may mean more heartache and mystery surrounding what is happening to your child but it will mean more freedom for yourself to be in a better place mentally to be in touch with the real world. Don't feel guilty doing things and enjoying things that you know your child is missing out on. Investing time in healthy relationships and activities will stop you from burning out and gives you the stable life that you child currently lacks. You will be nest building in case your child realises they are missing out.

Realise that it is better to help someone who is drowning when you are on dry land yourself, have a strong solid boat or are a very confident swimmer yourself to avoid double drowning.

The better your life is going outside the alienator, the better opportunities you have in offering your child an alternative to the life they are struggling to have.

We’re couple dating since one year amd got married in may 2026, 38f and 42m, we’re planning to have a baby but due to my lower amh, we’re proceeding with donor egg and my husbands sperm. We are thinking about mentally, physically and financially challenges we will be having through for kid at this age. Things to be noted :
my husband had one daughter with his previous marriage
My husband wanted to retire in a year or two and never wanted another kid, but he’s agreeing for my happiness but he’s also thinking about all the pros cons coming our way
Am not sure what to do in this case, looking for some advice

At what point do we give our children credit for going no contact instead of parental alienation?

Is it constant programming by the other parent or is it at some point a child develop their own mindset in their teens and says oh, no I don’t wanna be bothered and I don’t have to answer the phone.

I spent some time reading state law today that said, even with a court order, you can’t make a child communicate with you by phone text or otherwise.

So what’s the point?

I see too many alienated parents grieving this process for too long. I’m not trying to tell anybody how to deal with parental alienation, but my belief is that God put you here before your child and you’re here for a reason and that reason is not to grieve and stress and live in distress.

I'm dealing with a partner who's a very extreme narcissist combined with paranoia. We have a 13-year-old son. Since Covid happened, my partner has worked from home and also our son does home school. I work from home, too, so we're all here every day in a small apartment, and the parental alienation is off the charts.

He's constantly saying to our son, "your mother thinks..." or everyday he is narrating how he thinks I feel. He'll sometimes talk like I'm not in the room. He'll tell our son, "Your mother thinks she knows better than me" or he'll repeatedly, almost daily, say that I'm stupid and don't know anything.
He'll also frequently say I don't want to be a parent because I want alone time, or tell our son I don't want to be around him because I want to go on a walk. Or say I didn't want a boy, because sometimes I'm tired of crass jokes. Everything is rooted in shaming me.

I barely can get a word in. But worse is he's gaslighting me and saying he thinks I have dementia, and last week he told my son to watch out for what I do because he says I need "help."

Now our son won't let me help with things like school says I'm not too smart. Or he was going to bed and called out "enjoy staying up to watch your stupid movies or whatever lame things you like" and it just stings. I'm not mad at him so much because he's just parroting dad. But the damage is already there.

I'm worried that because my partner is a better communicator and comes across well in person, if I leave and we have to share custody, he'll try to convince people I'm incompetent and incapable of being a parent.

He spends hours talking at me and going on about how corrupt the world is, bringing up topics that a teenager shouldn't hear, like about violent world events or sexual cases in the news. And frames it as he's "educating" our son, and that no one or nothing in the world can be trusted. And again, says that I'm dumb and naive, and from a small town, so I don't know how the world works and tells our son to not listen to me.

I've started recording his rants, I know it might not be legal but if anything it's for myself to listen back and realize what's being said.

Do I seek help from a domestic violence type place? It's going to be hard to prove anything but I just feel like I live in a cage and never get a break from the emotional, verbal abuse.

I am the girlfriend of a man who has been alienated from his two children (8 and 11) it has been going on for 4+ years.

From what I know, the breakup/divorce was messy and the children were very affected by dad leaving. The mum had an overlap in relationship and moved a new man in very soon after.

The children both (understandably) show signs of being affected by trauma- the eldest shuts down, zones out and gets upset very easily. Mum has-self diagnosed her as autistic and this is how the child describes herself. We gently challenged this self diagnosis and expressed the importance of letting professionals doing the diagnosis and were met with conflict from the mum saying that we weren’t validating her.

Eventually, she had a thorough autism assessment through the NHS, both ‘sets’ of parents were there and we took it in turns to talk about her behaviour. They tried to have an answer for EVERYTHING and really exaggerated behaviours and even made stuff up completely. Anyway, the outcome was that she was not autistic, and if anything she has ADHD.

Despite this, mum is still telling the child that she is autistic and has (without dad’s consent) put her on the waiting list for another opinion. Mum will not consider that she may have ADHD or trauma. She has told the child that the outcome of the assessment was wrong and that she definitely is autistic. She is saying that we sabotaged the appointment, and the child will have to wait years for another diagnosis and this is our fault (alienating us further)

The mum specifically sought out a therapist specialising in autism (again, without our input) and the child now has therapy every week. She has also registered her as additional needs at her new secondary school and has been having meetings with the SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) staff

To clarify, dad and I are both diagnosed with ADHD and am very supportive of neurodivergence. The signs she exhibits seem more of a trauma response but I’m mum simply refuses to believe anything else, it is exhausting and so damaging to the child.

At what point does this become child abuse?

Thank you for reading