u/Dependent_Bet4222

Kind of a rhetorical question. This is not a sympathy post.

I’m not trying to be rude either, I just have grown up a lot during this process of being alienated. However, you find alienation, I’ve experienced it in one way shape form of fashion.

It has made me tougher, made me realize people are not who they say or appear to be,
Has made me distance myself emotionally from my child by necessity, and I have developed the main street that might’ve been there before, but just hadn’t come to the surface.

They make you jump through hurdles for something that is God-given and natural human rights of a father and mother.

I think the dirtiest thing about this whole process is someone that you trusted, had a child with, slept next to, had your personal information and finances available to, and they actively manipulate and poison the thoughts of your child against you.

Not only that, in some cases, they triangulate the teachers, coaches, their family, and if given the chance, will try to manipulate your family against you.

But we’re supposed to play nice, if I can’t have access to my child, if someone’s gonna manipulate my child against me, fuck going high, I’m going all the way to the depth of hell in any way I can against the manipulator alienator narcissist whatever you wanna call them.

Again, all things in life were not ideal, no matter how much I’ve tried. People are what they are and I accept it. Not looking to change anyone anymore or try to convince anyone.

Just like the serenity prayer says, God bring me the serenity of the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I finally learned the difference. This is a situation I cannot change.

Recently moved into an apartment complex that will give you a tour of the model, but the actual unit was “sight unseen” where around the toilet was dirty, bathtub dirty, and washers and dryers were not fully operable.

What does “move in ready“ mean? And our site unseen apartments a no go or common in Durham?

It’s not something that happens overnight. It festers over time, and in cases like parental alienation, you can’t change their minds. I haven’t done anything to deserve the level of hate. My ex-wife has taught my kid to have for me. No matter how much I’ve loved on my child and been there for them, it doesn’t appear there was any equity built. So I’ve decided to free myself from guilt, from shame, and from allowing people who have hate for me to have power over me.

At some point, parental alienation involves a lot of gaslighting and making you forget who you are as a person

I’m not playing that game anymore.

If my child wants to come back at some point, that’s fine, but as of right now I honor their wishes.

I’m sitting watching this case and worry the more because of my own child whom we have been alienated by the mother who allows my kid to go with people I don’t know and stay over peoples house overnight.

Seeing Nolan just reignite an anxiety I’ve overcome that was preventing me from sleeping at one point. Not knowing where your child is and the risks that may be present at places they are … SMH

Alienators are emotional and psychologically abusers from afar.

Some states, if you’re still married, the father and the mother both have equal rights to the child.

However, those rights can’t be enforced unless there’s a court order. Does that make sense?

In my state, the mother can take the child out of the marital household temporarily. However, if she’s taking the child out of the household permanently, and for the intent of not allowing the child to access the father, that’s considered illegal.

NCGS § 14‑41 — “Custodial Interference”

Also, while a minor may choose to go, no contact with a parent, there is no law or statute that gives a minor the legal authority to cut off contact with a parent.

So what I’ve been trying to understand about this state law is, as long as you’re married, you have equal rights to your kid, but nothing can be enforced.

The day that my wife took my child out of the marital home, I was distraught and broke down. I was in downtown part of my city in tears of my car, and I stopped a law-enforcement officer.

I explained the situation and he said he went through something similar and advised, obviously not legal advice, that you could go get your child right now and take them to their grandparents house and leave them there.

But who thinks about a war of custody over your child in a situation like that? Who thinks about taking a child that you had with your spouse away from them?

And then, even if you have court orders, for the most part, the mother can play games with custody with communications with time with the child and there’s no consequence, and they know it.

This has been the damnedest situation I’ve ever been involved in in my life, and it’s made me make some tough choices about cutting back my emotions in the situation and my concern for my own child which I never thought I would have to do.

It’s really forced me to take a look at people and their intentions and if I won’t have anything to do with people like that, going forward.

I would never destroy my child’s view of the other parent. A child has a right to a positive view, their own viewpoint of their parents.

It takes a pretty crazy and/or low life person to break a child’s positive view of one of their parents.

I applaud them for blocking off downtown at times on holidays, events, and sometimes on weekends. But all that usual problematic crowd is doing is taking the drama and havoc to the streets around downtown.

What can be done about it? I’m assuming not much.

I’ve been reading a bit about the first amendment and speech that’s not protected.

Surprisingly, I’ve also seen where many things that we often talk about here on this sub that alienators have said about us to other people and directly to us, are not protected by the first amendment.

I’m curious to know, has anyone sued an alienator for speech that is not constitutionally protected, and it could be considered defamatory or libel?

At what point do we give our children credit for going no contact instead of parental alienation?

Is it constant programming by the other parent or is it at some point a child develop their own mindset in their teens and says oh, no I don’t wanna be bothered and I don’t have to answer the phone.

I spent some time reading state law today that said, even with a court order, you can’t make a child communicate with you by phone text or otherwise.

So what’s the point?

I see too many alienated parents grieving this process for too long. I’m not trying to tell anybody how to deal with parental alienation, but my belief is that God put you here before your child and you’re here for a reason and that reason is not to grieve and stress and live in distress.

Which situation is worse?
Being able to see your kid and them been alienated/estranged or never being able to see your child but they still care about you?

So me and my child were inseparable before the separation. I saw a little things here and there, of course the mother is gonna try to establish the closer relationship with the child.

I didn’t think nothing of it at the time. I was still not even thinking in terms of, being equitable and fair. Even on days when the other parent worked, I took our child to their job place on their lunch break so that they could see our child.

Move forward, post separation, my kids, demeanor changes, almost from carefree to bitter. It’s almost like, you know when someone around you has been listening to someone talk badly about you. They look at you a certain way that’s not friendly.

This has been a situation I have dealt with with my kid for 8 to 9 years. No matter what I try to do to build bridges and relationships, it doesn’t build any equity with my kid.

Even to the point, I would buy my kid Mother’s Day and birthday stuff for their mother to give them each year. I’ve tried to maintain my child’s humanity and decency throughout this process.

But now, it’s like wrestling a brick wall to try to get past whatever she said. The most recent thing my kid said to me was, “my mom said what you say don’t matter”.

You know, so I still sit around and ask myself, what does the child’s mother hoped to accomplish by making nasty comments like that around the child.

I just wonder if the situations where you get to see your child more frequently, but they are alienated or estranged from you emotionally or you don’t see them much at all but when you do, they have love for you.

Which situation is better or worse?

I love my kid, but their mother and her mouth has caused so much damage, I don’t see how people like that even sleep at night.

Most convenient stores I’ve stopped at recently in Greensboro have a problem with vagrancy, loitering, and aggressive panhandling after dark.

Is it just common sense not to go to these places after dark in the city or are these places in Greensboro are just getting worse?

I’m interested to know, unfortunately, in situations where, a child exchange, a missed visitation, or communication is not possible with your child – do you go the further step of request requesting from law-enforcement and informational report or if you call 911, a CAD report?

I had Law enforcement create an information report today as I have not been able to get in contact with my child for several weeks and there is no contact with the parent.

And, interesting point that was made by the officer today, the officer offered to do a wellness check with the information report. The officer also said it does not count as harassment.

I know I’ve seen varying opinions on using wellness checks. Although I don’t believe they should be used negatively, I think they do serve a purpose and understanding if your child is safe.

Now someone will argue that this may actually make the alienation towards the child and private more hostile because law-enforcement is actually able to do these checks.

What are your thoughts and do you create informational or CAD reports to support your emotions as exhibits?

I understand different personalities within a dialysis clinic, but have you ever had to remind a tech that they were not a nurse?

For example, I recently needed to ask clinical staff RN about getting referred to a PCP locally.

I asked again for the nurse. The tech proceeds to say, “the nurse is not gonna know anyway”.

I’ve had other instances when the doctor was not available, I ask for the RN about clinical questions and have the same issues with a specific techs interjecting and giving smart Alec answers.

Has anyone have this type of issue at their clinic?

It’s been off and on over the past 8 years. But I have pushed to see my kid by any means, whether that means only seeing them after school or anytime I can get.

I was at their sports event recently and I’m not the loudest or most soccer mom of parents.

I intentionally keep back from them, I don’t crowd them like some parents do or are allowed to by their kids.

I give them space as they are that kind of child. I may have been also.

My kid after the last meet said they didn’t want me at their big meets because I’m a distraction.

I honestly keep as ice distance as possible. Maybe it’s them, maybe it’s what their other parent has programmed with, who knows.

I try and be as present as possible because you always hear the stories when kids grow up into adults that they feel their parents weren’t present for them or how my dad wasn’t there for me.

But I’m trying to be there for them, they just have asked in this instance for me not to be. And yes, they do act funny at all their events, even to the point if I don’t stop them, they would walk past me as if I’m not there.

Such a weird dynamic. I could complain about what their mother probably has said about me, but what good would that do.

She’s conveniently done what she’s done and now avoid communication likely because she doesn’t know if I’m aware of what she’s said.

I will say my kid did tell me recently, “What you say doesn’t matter”. And he added mom in what they said.

I want to be there but I’ve honestly not gone to 3 of their last events. I will ask my child if they have something coming up (me knowing that they do) and my kid will say no they don’t.

I’m doing better than past years, as you can see my rants on here, but I’m not totally distant and uncaring.

I’ve got ERSA and Hemo 3 times a week that is taxing on my body besides being tired all the time. And nobody reaches out to ask how I’m doing.

There’s a lot of concern going out but none coming back.