u/Dapper-Physics1975

Is it bad that I hate the father of my child. He’s the most dishonest prick and powerful person I’ve ever met.

He is a cop. He manipulated the system to get my daughter. He had me arrested 3 years ago when I lived with him and ever since I had to fight to see the child I birthed.

I wish I listened to the people around me. Now I moved to be near my daughter in butt fuck nowhere and I feel like I’m so lost. Lost because I gave up my entire career and life to fight. My daughter loves her dad and it warms my heart but seeing him and being around him hurts me. He’s living this perfect life while I’m left to prove myself and find myself again. He has a new girlfriend and a full support system. I have no support near but my bed that I cry in every night.

He used my post partum depression as grounds in court and so many false allegations. I’m fighting a battle I know I’ll never win. I contemplated leaving fully but then I realized my daughter needs me. But what can I do when he’s the system. He’s the law. He’s also 13 years older than me. I’m ranting now.

I’m just so depleted. I no longer know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault for being naïve and trusting him. I feel so dumb Because if I never returned back to living with him so we can be a family I’d never be in this situation. I’m an idiot for not listening.

I feel like I’m not her mom. I feel like I’m a part time babysitter. I’m on a rollercoaster, anybody been in my shoes?Or am I just dumb? What should I do? Gimme some advice but don’t break my already broken heart.

I went on a date with this guy. It felt so perfect. We had been talking on the phone for hours prior every night for 2-3 hours before bed. Sometimes even fall asleep on the phone. We had great conversations and great banter. It felt so easy and effortless, it felt like he understood me and I understood him. We finally met. He drove 2 hours to see me, he picked me up, we went for dinner, then we went to an amusement park, had our first kiss on one of the rides then later we went for a walk. After the walk it was late so I asked him to take me home. We sat in my parking lot and talked for an hour, we made out. I told him I wasn’t willing to cross certain boundaries. He asked to walk to me to my apartment door but I told him if he did that things would lead elsewhere so I’ll walk myself up. Gave him a kiss goodnight and went up. 5 mins later he calls me asking where he can go to pee, I felt bad. I told him he can come up but he had to leave immediately after. He peed then was about to leave and then we started kissing, he picked me up and put me against the wall, it felt good, he started fingering me and I liked it but I told him to stop and we can’t go any further. I told him to go wash his hands and leave. He went to the bathroom I followed. He picked me up we had sex for 30 second.. no joke. I stopped it immediately and said I don’t want our first time to be like this. I felt really wet though and I told him and he said yeah you are.

Anyways He went home after that. There was no issue but I felt like we took it too far. Anyways 3 days later he texts me and tells me we made a mistake that night and went silent. I asked him to call me. He texted me a long message that made no sense. I then called him, he told me he came in me that night. I asked him why he didn’t tell me sooner, he said he was embarrassed, shy and scared. I told him he made absolutely no sense. I was so frustrated that I hung up. We texted for a little and I called back. He didn’t pick up. Deleted some messages he sent me. Then he blocked me.

I feel so so stupid now because I’m ovulating and I could’ve taken the pill that night. I got upset with him because he kept that information from me.

He then blocked me, i haven’t heard from him since. I went to the doctor and she said the pill won’t work.

I’m done dating, I’m not heartbroken but I’m hurt and confused why he treated me like that. I can’t catch a break. I feel so stupid. Did I do something wrong?