Hard time trying to fill the void.
I havent heard from my two teens since January. I still reach out once a week. I send cards every two weeks. Recently they have been taking out the gift cards and money and sending the cards back taped closed. They reply to my texts and tell me to kill myself, that I had an affair that ended the marriage (I didn't), and even said my house has bed bugs and I'm "filthy". All I did wrong was not reconcile the divorce when their dad asked. I'm in therapy and have accepted my missteps and I'm trying to be a better mom and human. I work full time (I send 620 a week to their father but he's always asking for more). I never badmouth their father. I try to stay busy with art, movies, music, and journaling. I read a lot of books. I decorate my condo. I still have a void I can't seem to fill. I try to be around other people but still feel lonely. What do you guys do to fill the void? I'm not completely comfortable telling my story to the people I know, but they mostly know it was a nasty divorce. I deal with a lot of shame that I assume is the root of the loneliness. How do you get through it? I'm just so sad sometimes but it feels like a dull throbbing flatness if that makes any sense. Looking for at least some kindred spirits to know I'm not alone. Coming from an empty soul.