Friend is a new mom and I felt like a burden even when she wanted to hang out
A friend of mine had a baby 3 months ago. She told me I was one of the only friends who has truly made her feel understood and like I'm there to support her. I took a train to visit her and to bring snacks because I didn't have access to a car and spent an afternoon just listening to her feelings and fears about the birth, breast feeding (so much obsessive talk over breast feeding), and asked what chores I could help her with. Her husband is extremely supportive emotionally, financially, and with the baby and house from what she shares and I see. He even told her she doesn't have to go back to work if working is too stressful for her as a mom now.
Here's where I need advice. This past weekend, I spent about an hour biking through multiple towns to meet this friend at a coffee shop. She only had to drive about half an hour and preferred to meet there instead of one closer to me which would have maybe tacked on 10 minutes to her trip and significantly reduced my time. When she got there, she didn't want to eat or drink anything (fine, she claimed it was because she's dairy free now for the baby). But then we went outside to walk and literally had to turn around about 20 minute into the walk so she could drive home and feed the baby. She does know how to pump, she does have a husband who has fed the baby pumped milk before, she does have a surplus in her freezer.
I'm all for mothers being able to decide to feed how they like and I don't want to take that bonding time away. Therefore, I don't expect her to change her routine for me. How would you politely tell a friend that you don't want to get together if they ask in the future or make it clear that if it's a burden, it's better to just do a phone call or zoom instead? And have you ever had friendships come and leave because the person makes being a stay at home mom/wife not just an identity but a whole personality of there's with little else to talk about?
I know motherhood ranges for many people so input is helpful, especially from the moms that were hyper anxious about feeding.