u/AyyayoAgain

There is this feeling in me which I never felt before . I let go of a person I love because loving him is destroying me, destroying my mental peace . Love alone is not enough for 2 persons to be together which I learnt after very big life lesson. Now , there is a void in me I’m trying to fill with different things like working out , studying more , friends, family , movies but still something in me I couldn’t describe. No it’s definitely not him . I lived before him , without him for 2 decades of my life and I can live without him for rest of my life too . Then what is it? Is it my old version ? Honestly idk , I’m not able to remember what I was , what I used to be , what I can be

Chinnapudu nunchi nenu , nanna , amma , Idhe naa family . Amma ki kopam yekkuva , nanna kooda yekkuvane but it’s occasional. Nenu , inka nanna yedhaina okka maata antey ma amma kanisam vandha antaru . I fight back , i will let all my anger out with her but nanna…aala kaadhu. He keeps everything inside and cries out really loud when he can’t take it anymore . It really pains me so much to see my old man cry like that loud . Amma ki chepthe artham kaadhu she bangs her head to the wall , sits in a hot sun terrace paina , steps meedha kurchoni grill ki thala hit cheyyadam
She does all kinds of things andhuke nanna stays silient.

Apart from all this ee vishyam nannu mentally chaala impact chesthundhi . I was in a relationship and nenu athanitho yeppudu godava padaledhu . Even when blamed me for n number of things , accused me of doing some nasty things
I couldn’t fight back . Endhuku antey the only fights that comes to my mind is fights between my parents . I tolerated so much shit in that relationship all because of her

I need my nanna . He is pretty old and I love him . If she keep doing things like this I may fear something will happened to him. Okkasari nanna naatho pensioners home ki vellipotha , aakada room ki rent pay chesi aakade vunta ,mee amma aapudaina happy ga vuntundhi annaru

It broke me so much . I wanna leave this home asap but nanna? What will happen to him if it’s just amma and nanna!? He is a very good man , struggled so much to be where he is rn , so many sacrifices and everything. Ippudu rest theeskovalsina age lo he is struggling so much mentally

I feel so sorry for him but I don’t know what will help us

Finally I let a man go… life and mental health feels stable now.

Got no one to rely on . So I decided to show up for myself , started going to gym , trying to eat healthy , trying to do things alone and finding little happiness in it .

Life feels new and good again .

On Jan 1 this year I promised myself that I’ll not let my future self have any regrets about me . I just want my future self to be happy, proud and live a stable life.

Now on may 5 I finally got the confidence that I can do it . I will do it . Will become a better , stronger , confident version of myself