u/Babybunny424

We should not have to type potato scone every time. It’s an injustice…

At this point, I just want to have a job where I can come into work and get on with something, to be productive.

Every time something I try, I think I am putting so much effort in, I think I’m focusing on that only, but then I see that I’m not doing enough like other people are to actually do well, people have better ideas.

Some times I am told, my confidence is the problem, I’m not assertive. When every time I try something it’s wrong, every time I start to feel a little confident, I’ve done something really wrong. Ok, and I know that I don’t know as much as anyone else. And usually nobody has TIME to answer, I’m supposed to “ask for help more”, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK! WHEN ITS ALL BUSY!!!

I don’t know what to GUESS. That’s what I’m being told, find something to be proactive, for me what that means that is TO GUESS. I am supposed to say what can be done better to people who know what they’re doing, they tell me they don’t need any support, they don’t need anything from me, they won’t show me even what they do. But I am supposed to say what they can do better.

I am almost 30 and I have no skills I have tried, I have a degree already, but it is for education but no teaching qualification attached because I failed practical classroom placement, only on behaviour management, I was “great otherwise”, but now it is useless because I cannot get a job with this degree. So now, I can’t afford to pay upfront for more study or to take more time off to study, even if there was something I should focus on. What I should focus on I AM TRYING to find, I paid £140 for a career coach session recently which was 45 minutes of making me feel worse about everything as I recounted everything and tried to figure out what she wanted me to say in response to her questions, then “we have 15 minutes left… try putting in your CV and personality type to CHATGPT and I will email you some prompts to use”; £140 for this to tell me to use AI, which I have been doing already, it doesn’t take into account REALITY of what is actually NEEDED.

I don’t want to try anymore to get ahead now at this point I just want to be able to SURVIVE aka go in to work do a job and BE ABLE TO DO A JOB. So I should be able to do something, I’m supposed to be even if it’s not very good at least I should be able to do something. I AM A PERSON.

So I need to be able to know WHAT I AM ABLE TO DO. So I have no skills, OK, I am MORE THAN WILLING TO LEARN. I will learn!!! But I can’t afford it!!! And I have made such a big mistake because I have two cats now and they don’t deserve it, they don’t understand that if lose my job now I would not be able to afford anything, it’s not their fault, they are MY RESPONSIBILITY, I adopted them to take care of them.

Ok so I have been applying for another job, anything I can see, I don’t get anything, nothing, fine, I just want to know, I am so SCARED to not have any income, so I am so scared to not know yet if I will be able to have a job - I got one interview back which I was NOT expecting, I went to the interview just to see, it’s for an assistant manager so I never expected , it’s too far away really anyway, but they needed REFERENCE “not a job offer” very clear in the email reference was “just part of application process”, I didn’t put my current manager because I don’t want to lose my job, even though I CANT DO my current job, I’m no good at it because it is about GUESS GUESS GUESS I don’t know enough about it to guess I need to just get on with something real, anyway I put HR as the reference and this UPSET everyone, my manager pulls me aside, HR were upset because of this because they think it should only be reference when I have a job offer, I told my manager no there is no job offer it’s part of the application process, she doesn’t believe me, I told her nothing will come of this application anyway, she is asking me does she need to be advertising my job.
So anyway I am just trying to survive. I just want to survive and look after my cats. I will do whatever I need to do but maybe I need to do better. I am not entitled to a job but I need to survive anyway 10 more years maybe my cats will live then that’s all. I just need to be able to survive so I don’t let them down.

So I just think I need to be able to do something, I need to be able to do something. I am just trying to find something, I just want to come in to work and do a job, not have to guess, what does this person want, what should I say to this person, I should know what this person is supposed to do, I try to ask what it should be, one person tells me one thing, people are angry at me for not knowing, I try to use my judgement and I find out that was wrong. I try to ask what else I should do, because there is usually no tasks, I just am waiting about to be able to go home, well to that apparently it’s me who’s wrong, OK I can accept that, if I know what I can do, my manager thinks I should have things to do already, “it’s not a job where you can have your hand held all the time”, that’s FINE so I should have known more before being given this job, I am supposed to just guess what to do to “stay busy”, hardly ever does someone ask me for something, or keeps me in the loop about what’s happening, but everyone expects me to know anyway even though I’m not respected enough to be told, even if I try to ask, I’m not good enough.

I did make a mistake because I got very overwhelmed, I wrote notes that wasn’t in the right frame of mind, my manager says I am “shit stirring” now, that’s not how I wanted to be, not what I thought was happening, I was upset but I thought I am just writing notes about what happened, what I was told at the time, then the same person has said something different afterwards and it wasn’t what I thought happened. I just thought I was writing notes about it.

So to add, if I think about what I am able to do, I can do, information, if I know the information I can do that well, or to follow instructions, but usually that kind of person to be more “information” is better at maths or technology, I am not good with anything maths, “STEM”, I understand, that’s what is supposed to be, on the other hand to be good at “information” should be a person to be good in understanding HOW TO HELP PEOPLE, so that is not me either. I can do , I can follow instructions. I am sorry, I have really bad painful feet, it makes me cry with how painful when I am walking a lot, so to do something very physical like to be cleaning, I have done cleaning before, sometimes I am very good at it but sometimes people shout at me because it wasn’t what they wanted, but it’s too painful for my feet.

It confused me because nobody explained and the receptionists get very annoyed with you if you don’t already know the exact way to do things.

So for example the GP prescribes me antidepressants and I get the first one.

Then am I supposed to book another appointment?

If so, how soon is too soon to do that? Or too late? Because to get the first appointment you have to call and call every morning to ask for an appointment that day which means there’s no way to know when I’ll get an appointment.

Every time it’s happened I’ve ended up giving up on the medication before it has time to “work” or not because I find the whole process makes me feel too much like I’m bothering them.

Is there a different way to approach this so that it’s done the proper way or is it just the sterotype of GP receptionist being grumpy…?