u/Backdergrounker

*because I'm privileged enough to have parents that understand my issues and let me live at home without paying rent so I can use the money from my part time job to pay my student loans. I get driven where I need to go (no public transportation). I'm totally dependent in my mid-20s. I'm single, and thats not changing anytime soon bc 1. how am I supposed to trust someone like that and 2. who in the world would want to get involved with an overgrown child? Its humiliating to interact with people my age and younger who are so far ahead of me in every possible way.

My positive symptoms used to be so much worse. Now that I'm in an okay place, I can't bear to think about going back to that state of mind. But im scared that trying to get independent will take me there. I'm already exhausted from this part time job, and you cant live off of one. Full time will kill me. It did when I had one (there was also some ptsd issues contributing to that tho, so it might be better, who knows?).

I really shouldnt be whining over this. People have actual problems, and its just insulting to go "my life is so hard bc of how good it is". You can tell me to shut the fuck up, I'd get it. I'll even delete this post. I probably will, tbh. I know the solution is to just get over it and make it work, but holy shit I do not want to. I'll do it eventually. Maybe. Maybe I'll just. Idk. I literally can't think about it.

And I don't mean to offend/hurt [see: venting tag]. If any of this is relatable to you, none of it makes you any lesser of a person, or your struggles less real. Just me and mine 😜

Anyone else just not understand this? I hear it from family, often (small town, big extended family). I say it back because I dont want to come across as. Who I really am, I guess.

What makes me feel a little bad whenever I reflect on it is the fact that I didnt miss them back. I probably didn't even think about them once. Life is too lifeful to reminisce over people you'll doubtless see again. I dont understand how they can do it, unless they're lying. But they could just say "it's good to see you" instead if thats the case? Baffles me.

Kind of on topic: does anyone else disconnect from people very easily? When I was ghosted by my childhood friend (in my early 20's at the time), I was annoyed for maybe two days before getting over it and moving on.

(Honestly it was a little relieving. Hanging out was always fun, but every time we parted ways, I eventually found myself disliking how we aligned. I'm a much better version of myself with the friend I have left.)

((I do, however, miss my cats if in the right headspace.))