long but i need to get it off my chest
my 18F ex bf 20M threatened and blackmailed me because i vented to my friend group about my ex best friend 18F.
it’s a long story so buckle up folks. but basically me n her were part of the same friend group and she started distancing herself from us. during this time, i come to the realisation she hadn’t actually been a great friend to me. so after she pulled a stupid stunt, i had enough and vented to the friend group about her. theyve also picked up on her weird behaviour and they agree. we still invite her to hang out but she cancels on us. fine. so eventually the friend group pretty much stops talking to her altogether however i am still in touch with her because she considers me her best friend and well i kinda did too despite everything. she has a hard time at uni in the beginning and out of sympathy (and guilt for being the reason our friends stopped talking to her) i still keep in touch even tho atp i want to cut her off.
fast forward to me meeting my bf. we start dating and things are going great. pretty quickly i introduce my bf and my “best friend” and im glad to see them get along. eventually i open up to him about our complicated friendship. and to my surprise he seems to really empathise with her.
to expand on her weird behaviour- she would constantly make comments about eveyones appearances and make subtle digs. she was extremely male centered and it got to the point where she would be flirting and play fighting with the guy jn the friend group in front of his gf who was also in the friend group. we would tell her to stop but she would continue anyways. she would also badmouth everyone behind their back. she would also try to compete with me over everything - guys, grades, looks, money etc. and i didnt even realise until my friend pointed out that she would talk like me and make the same kinda jokes i would.
so back to my bf. he sees himself in her because someone had cut him off and it had really hurt him. he says that she doesnt seem to do those things anymore and that uni mustve changed her for the better and advises me to not cut her off. i try to see his point and she had stopped doing most of the stuff but i still felt like i couldnt trust her around my bf given her history. so i stay friends with her mostly because my bf says that if i cut her off im a bad person for giving up someone whos trying to change. remember this point okay.
6 months into our relationship, things have changed. when we argue he raises his voice at me, he belittles me constantly and says demeaning shit like “a 5 year old can do better than you” over small stuff. the pinnacle of this was when he called me “a sorry excuse for a woman” for not playing tennis properly when it was the first time in years since i had picked up a racket. he also wouldnt eat me out even tho id always go down on him, and when i asked him why he wouldnt answer until i pushed him. he then proceeded to pretty rudely tell me it tasted too salty - like peewater and his neck hurt it was suffocating etc etc. i obviously felt pretty shitty ab this and he never rlly apologised.
but it’s not even any of this though being the reason we broke up. he would constantly talk about himself his career his life his shit and would never ask me anything about myself. when i told him it didnt feel like he was listening to me he blamed it on his adhd. i never felt comfortable enough to share things with him because of how uninterested hed be. i felt like i mustve been the most boring person in the world. his total lack of curiosity towards me and my life drained me. he was going thru shit but it seems like he always is and in his world there didn’t seem to be any space for my life to fit in. i stopped feeling like myself around him. he would constantly vent to me and i would hear him out and reassure him etc and this dynamic sucked the life and joy out of me. we had also begun to argue a lot more and at kne point he even said that if the roles were reversed it would be a toxic dynamic because he does everything for me and i would never sacrifice anything for him??? so i break up with him.
oh also i should add, within this time period he has gotten closer to my best friend and even hired her! also also i have vented about him to her and she was even happy for me that we broke up.
he is begging me to give it another shot. he wasnt expecting this. i am done. i tried for six months. so now i am a bad person for giving up on him. i shouldve known the way he acted wasnt really him! because he was going thru so much pain and suffering, and i shouldve factored that! if he was in my place he wouldve checked with my friends to ask whether this person was who i really was and i shouldve done that! his dad is terminally ill and he just got his mri result which indicated a serious injury and i am a bad person for choosing to break up w him when i did. (his dad has been fighting cancer for years and this fucking guy would get a new injury every month). i broke up w him a few days before my bday btw so that i could enjoy it in peace (i didnt really). but he has a way with words and this makes me feel guilty so i apologise to him, looking back that was pretty stupid of me hah.
i dont cut him off because he has already made me feel guilty enough. and his injury worsened to the point of him having to use a walking stick for possibly the rest of his life? i am not sure because he has a tendency to dramatise shit. and being bedridden for the time being. so we decided to try and stay friends. he apologised alot when i broke up with him and he promised to change and never make me feel that way again.
in the meantime there is a whole separate drama about him and his best friend 19F who has also become my best friend. they had their own friendship complications and i was biased against him given the way he treated me in our relationship. i also witnessed their arguments and he was usually the one in the wrong. a clear instance i can think of is him making fun of her chest size and saying she looks like a 12yr old boy. this def hurt me too because her and i literally have the same build?? he tried to pass it off as a joke but she had explicitly told him to not joke about it cuz it made her uncomfortable and made her feel insecure. he would also demean and belittle her like he did with me. he also has a friend who can apparently go thru peoples phones and social media. he has used this friend to run a background check on his best friends bf. thru which he comes across a somewhat scandalous photo of the couple and tells me he will send it to her parents if she brings up any of the shitty things he did/said.
one night on call with him, he tells me he’s thinking about cutting me and his best friend off bc of their previous arguments and how he felt that she was ungrateful and a bad friend and he is going to talk to her about it. but before he does i tell her about it and she ends up blocking him after sending a long ass message reminding him that she had done a lot for him. so now i am at fault because that message hurt him and it wasnt my place to tell her.
so now if i dont tell my best friend about why exactly the friend group turned on her he is going to because she has been wondering what exactly happened. sure. ive wanted to cut her off anyways so i tell her. she says she forgives me and is also sorry for the way she acted (somewhat). we promise to each other that moving forward we will be honest and communicate our issues instead of getting petty (she) or venting to other people (me). she also says a lotta bs in this convo to justify her behaviour which raises some eyebrows but she seems apologetic?
i check in with her over text js to make sure everything’s cool but she leaves me on read. my ex then tells theyve been talking and she has decided that she cant forgive me and doesn’t want to be friends. okayyyy but im having an issue with the fact that hes the one telling me this and not her. so i send her text basically that she should be the kne to tell me this. again left on read. fine bitch. i never text her again but i do call up the friend group and tell them everything thats happened thus far and they are shook. so i tell them she wont reply to me and that she wanted to apologise to them. they decide to add her to the call and i let them run w it. in hindsight, not the best move.
she doesnt pick up duh but is apparently left shaken by this ordeal and goes into fullblown panic attack mode. at least i am told so by my ex and oh he’s angry ANGRY and he goes off on me.
he’s so angry jn fact that he THREATENS AND BLACKMAILS ME by saying that he will approach my uni and tell them about all the cigs and vapes ive smoked and the edibles ive taken on campus of which he has proof of apparently. he also threatens to go through my phone my search history, gallery, everything and he is going to make me a repeat a year or get expelled. i dont take him seriously. you guys the irony here is that he got suspended from the uni for getting caught with the same stuff THRICE which led him to drop out 🤣🤣
but he calls his best friend up (yes the one who blocked him, they made up bc shes scared of him) and tells her he is going to do it unless i write a handwritten apology to my now ex best friend. now you have to be joking son 😂😂😂. another reason he is also ultra mad is because he suspects that im “all over” his roomate even tho it’s only been a few weeks since we’ve broken up. all his threats are empty to me and i srsly cannot take him seriously.
i record this fucking conversation, smart move on my part ill give it to myself.
when his best friend tells me he is gonna show up to my campus and what he wants from me, i block his ass. yeah finally i knowwww. i still dont believe him or his “proof”
BUT CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT HE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A CRAZY PERSON OHMYGOD.
so our mutual friends in uni calm him down and stop him from going anywhere and doing some stupid shit. they assure him nothing is going on with me n his roommate too. he demands to meet me and make my apologise pr he’s going to do it. at this point it kinda stops being shits n giggles to me because i am scared. i dont want to see him much less apologise and for what? i am running late to something important and i dont even have the fucking time. i did not ever imagine that he could stop this low he wholeheartedly wanted to stop me from passing the year. i kinda break down. but then i decide im going to call his mom up. his mom who hates me btw. and he says thats not gonna make a difference but i sense something. and against my better judgement, i call her up and tell her whats going on and that i have proof of him threatening me.
HIS DAD YELLS AT HIS ASS TO COME HOME AND HE FUCKING DOES LMFAOOOOO.
no attempts at contact from him or her but this genuinely shook me and threw me off. i am so glad they are both out of my life now that i realise they are literally the same people. but im still processing what the fuck happened. how this guy who i thought was amazing and sweet and unlike anyone id ever met went from that to this. like how could he even do this? and still have the nerve to act as though he’s doing it from a moral high ground.
sidenote: yes i was indeed all over his roomate and it was mutual and it is great to be with someone who can give and take when it comes to head 😊 not my proudest moment but hey
there is a lottt more drama i didnt mention because it’s already long enough but feel free to ask for deets