I need advice about how to cope with an alcoholic parent
I was gunna post this on r/autism but it decided it was somehow political and wouldn't let me so that's fun. If I'm wrong to post this here feel free to delete I just need some advice.
So, Im 26 and recently diagnosed with Autism, my brother(30) was diagnosed afew years before me. It's always been pretty evident we functioned differently from other kids growing up.
The problem I'm currently facing is that I'm still living with my mum(trying to move out, long process) and she doesn't listen or care to be aware of my sensory issues and loves to call me too sensitive or minimise my feelings. I know it's likely useless to even try to get her to be aware or understanding of my sensory issues but it makes it very hard to live with her.
She displays alot of adhd symptoms ontop of being a chronic alcoholic starting from when I was around 6 but getting worse in recent years.
I remember when I was in therapy as a teenager the therapist had asked her if she could hide the knives in the home to make it safer while I was having bad thoughts and she actually laughed at the therapist like it was a ridiculous request to even make so it's unlikely she'd seriously take on board anything I try to communicate with her but it is quite unbearable recently and I'd like to be able to atleast communicate that I'm overwhelmed without her blowing up or getting offended by it.
She is a very loud person, her default volume is already loud and if she's on a phone call her default goes straight to yelling into her phone(over the radio she always has on).
If I go to bed and turn off the hallway lights she will go to the toilet and turn them on and leave them on, if I close my door to avoid this light she will randomly open the door throughout the night to let the dog into my room and blast me with the light of a thousand suns, then act surprised when I get immediately upset.
She completely disregards any boundaries I communicate and her drinking has completely worn away any real relationship we had. But, I still have to keep the peace with her. I cannot be honest about how much she has hurt and upsets me without her telling me to get out of her house and threatening to make me homeless. (FYI, I pay her rent every month from my disability support). I know these threats are real because I watched her throw out my brother when he was about 15, he lives with my dad now and you cannot even talk to him about our mum without him getting absolutely furious.
I'm on the housing registry but only able to bid on Studios which is quite exhausting, there is maybe 1 studio apartment advertised a week and they frequently aren't pet friendly so I'm stuck waiting for an appropriate property.
I'm terrified to live alone but it cannot be worse than living with someone who gets drunk and tells me all the ways I fall short as a human being to prop herself up.
I'm just kind of at my limit with her and doing my best to keep things atleast somewhat civilised, I could really use some advice on how to communicate with her honestly without it descending into a weird argument of her just telling me all the chores I haven't done to her satisfaction when I'm just trying to explain that the radio volume physically hurts my ears.
Any advice on just surviving this situation is appreciated.
(Oh BTW while getting drunk she will become enraged at the school system for not catching her children and diagnosing them/supporting them in school but she is also the one that wouldn't let me get assessed for autism as a child because trying to get it for my brother and failing was so exhausting for her. She also always called our sensory meltdowns "attention seeking tantrums".. You know how a child will lock themselves in a small dark room or cupboard and cry and cry and cry literally hiding from her and holding the door closed to "seek attention"... I find it very hypocritical)