Therapy recommendations? Trauma-focused, context provided.
Trigger warnings: SA, r*pe, assault, abuse (physical/verbal), eating disorders, ASD, ADHD, su*cidal tendancies/thoughts, chronic pain, attempt on my life, stalking, grief & loss, agoraphobia, psychotic break, self harm.
First time posting about something like this, but I’ve hit a wall. Apologies for the lengthy post.
For the last 6 months following a random operation that almost killed me, I (25f) have been having intense chronic pain flareups anywhere from 2-7 days a week, lasting anywhere from 4-24 hours. I can barely get out of bed while they’re happening, and I can’t sleep unless I take a shedload of painkillers regularly.
I was self employed prior, and therefore have been almost entirely out of work since the operation back at the end of October 2025.
Prior to this, I have not had the most fortunate time. I spent a day writing out a trauma journal that - as it stands, unfinished - is 20 pages long. I realised while writing it that I am almost entirely disconnected from everything negative that’s ever happened to me, and have exceedingly large gaps in my memory in regard to the bits in between.
As noted by the trigger warnings that I used to summarise my experience, a lot has happened. But, due to living with my family - who I do not get along with and haven’t done for as long as I can remember - I have no privacy. Thus, have never had anywhere I feel safe enough to process. At least, that’s my hypothesis as to why it felt so alien to write out.
It’s highly likely that I struggle with CPTSD on top of my recently diagnosed neurodivergence (diagnosed November/December 2025) & likely Alexithymia.
I’ve tried CBT before using BetterHelp following the events leading up to what I’m labelling a ‘psychotic break’ back in 2022. It helped with general anxiety regulation and with my agoraphobia, but not with anything that led up to that, which is what I’d like help with. CBT lasted around 6 months.
I’m also on a waitlist for NHS group trauma therapy, but I’ve been waiting on it since January. A call last week concluded it could take longer than 3 months for groups to begin.
As a result, I would really appreciate recommendations as to what type of therapy would best suit this situation. I’ve done a lot of research into things like EMDR, somatic experiencing and prolonged exposure therapy which seem promising,
but decision making isn’t exactly a strength of mine so I’d like some help.
Some info that may aid recommendations:
I don’t drive, and I live in rural England, meaning it’s nearly impossible to get anywhere.
I have some “safe times” when my folks are least likely to interrupt sessions, but in a month or so those will be obsolete.
I’m happy doing remote sessions outside.
I don’t have anyone nearby that I could visit, or anyone really close to me at all re: a support network.
I have some money saved up, but I also have massive amounts of spending anxiety due to both the environment I was raised in, and mass amounts of shame due to impulse spending. Hence the post, as I’d like to know what would best suit the situation before investing as it piles up fast. Task paralysis paired with monetary guilt is truly the bane of my existence haha.
My apologies once again for the post length, I just like to be thorough. Please do let me know if you have any questions, all recommendations welcomed, along with any advice anyone may have.