u/BadRepresentative980

So I made a post abt this on this subreddit a few weeks ago

So long story kinda short

A few months ago my best friend confessed that he "had" a crush on me and when I said me too (like the fool iam ) he said he doesn't have a crush anymore

We're both closeted and I think he's bi

Later that night we were having an uncomfortable (for me) conversation about everything but us (like college , politics etc) and at some point we kissed ( if you ask me , I went for his nose and he was the one who misinterpreted it and kissed me , if you ask him , he'll say i initiated, but whatever) he didn't hesitate or hold back , the kiss went for a long time and etc etc

After that he told me " don't fall in love with me"

He's also told me in texts " I don't want you to be in love with me "(not in a rude but in a very sorry way)

So to get out of this mess I started ignoring him everywhere .

But here's the thing, maybe it's my wishful thinking , but he genuinely started to get more attached , looking for me everywhere , trying to hold eye contact , trying to start conversation.

He calls me by the nickname he used to call whenever he was flirting with me.

I ignored it all except few times .

You would say he's just trying to be nice , and I'd agree

But if he knows I'm still in love with him ( I told this btw)

Then why would he try to talk to me? Any sensible person would be weirded out and try to maintain distance right?

Cut to now , we're both at our homes for vacations

He sends me reels and stuff , I try to react blandly whatever

Yesterday in my weakest moments I confronted him saying if you had no feelings why did you even kiss me etc etc

He said he's sorry for that , that it was his shitty behaviour

And then he got upset when I said we're not friends anymore

He said " I hope you'll find a friend in me "

and " I miss being your friend".

I left him on seen and unfollowed him everywhere after this conversation

I'm still not over him so I don't want to be friends with him and idk why would he even want to be friends with me , he has like hundreds of friends everywhere

And who wants to be friends with someone who's still hung up over them?

I feel like I overreacted and shouldn't have unfollowed him and stuff. Because now I miss him.

But I genuinely don't want to get my feelings hurt by being his " friend " or whatever.

But also I miss him a lot .

He was my best friend and i still want him to be my best friend but also more than that.

And he wants to be my friend which is very weird to me considering everything.