r/LGBTindia

I see a lot of posts here and a lot of Indians here who can never come out to their parents because it will deeply hurt them etc etc. Many Indians who justify whatever bad shit their parents did to them and genuinely believe nothing bad happened to them.

But what about the ones who just don't care ? Or are rather impassive towards whatever bullshit goes on in that country now. Don't get me wrong it's a sad country and wish things could be better. But are there others like me who just left and never looked back? Because coming out to their parents didn't matter as much since their parents opinions didn't matter to them for whatever reason that is? I wanna talk to people like that being one myself.

I genuinely have grown quite indifferent to what is happening in that country. I would think okay maybe it's getting better but then they do some shit like the trans bill. Got terribly harassed by some modi bhakt yesterday as well online which sort of makes me grow a fatigue towards talking to the "normies" of indian society. I have stopped defending india in any matter whatsoever now. I genuinely do not speak of it unless it's about food or something small.

I believe this is something only queer Indians coming from absolutely dysfunctional families can relate to.

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Saw a comment today talking about how bi men "would never" come out to family, and tell them that they plan to marry a guy. (Paraphrasing here mostly)

And my first thought was "omg, that's literally me!! I came out to my parents and even straight up told them that if i have a BF someday I will invite him over to join us for family dinner together on Diwali!!"

......that was before I truly understood the reality of the queer dating scene in India though.

Tbh coming from a privileged background and being a neurodivergent who had been stuck in his head for years..... really did not help, nor did my familiarity with the western queer community instead of the Indian one.

I like ligit had nights crying in my bed last year after finding out something new that's messed up in the queer community in India and how...... wrong it felt to not have known about it.

Heck, I'm in tears while writing this post right now 😅

Truth be told, your reality is completely foreign to me...... And it surprises me that so many of you find it in yourself to want to keep on livin' in it.

I had not known that homophobia and biphobia was a thing until i was 24, and I had not known what real sexism looked like until I was 24..... I had not known this world for what it truly was until 24. The day I did, I had to stop myself from gouging my eyes out, from how ugly it looked......

The very concept of any queer person cheating seems unimaginable to me, not because they were queer, but because knowingly cheating multiple times on someone you say you love them, and yet still being able to exist without a sense of honour or some fundamental values you shouldn't compramise on because you are a human being.... Is a foreign concept too, not just in India but worldwide apparently :/

I think one of the times I cried most was finding out a gay guy I was initially into told me he would rather marry a girl and cheat on her, than be my partner.......

And then it happened again with a different gay guy ........

And that's NOT me throwing shade at gay people btw. I just think we ALL failed somewhere as a society to have raised people who see no issues with such things, you know?

Besides, I don't hate those individuals in the same way as I used to anymore.... I may not like them, but i understand now how its easy for me to say shit like this because I was privileged enough to be raised in a very different environment.....

.......I can't even say for certain if i wouldn't have turned out to be the same as them had I been raised in the same kind and environment they were in to be honest.... And that's a scary thought to confront.....

But it's also important to confront!!

Because otherwise the hate and the fear of biphobia, both together, stops us from addressing genuine fundamental issues in our society that allow people to be hurt by other people......

So like..... I am sorry to all the people who may have been hurt by a bi person. Worse still, you don't know what to do with all this hate, and people judge you for trying to be vulnerable and express yourself...... I'm sorry you had to go through that ......

So, while I WON'T say that it is justified to hate bi people for being bi......... I see your pain is real, and I acknowledge its existence, and will do what i can to make things better in the world on a personal level....

And I'm not asking to stop hating me either, coz no one can just control how they feel about everything, you know?......... I just hope we can still try to understand each other better despite the hate and uncomfortable feelings, you know? 🥺

....... It is because we feel pain that we try to be kind to others.

So hate or no hate .... I'd like to be kind to you too in return regardless 😊💖

So I kinda like this dude from my clg , we both stay in clg hostel and we both are very close and we have that teasing kinda relationship, he makes lots of jokes about fucking and me sucking his D and all that , idk if he's straight or what but yesterday we kinda had a fight and he raised his voice at me and I didn't like it , as I tend to get emotional if someone screams at me and out of that anger and me being emotional i screamed too and I told fuck off im going ( I was in his room ) and he held my hand and said I was jking don't go , don't go ( went on for about min or so ) but I haven't spoken to him since yesterday and my mood has been down ever since idk why , i feel like its my fault but also he teases me infront of like ppl i dont even talk to + abusive language repeated times even tho I have told him repeatedly not to use it on me especially and he says it's common over his side ( that being where he grew up ) , and I feel like when he says sorry he says for the sake of saying it , he doesn't mean it or atleast that's what I feel idk bro

Soo am I the ahole ? Should I apologise?

It is a tier 2 bschool.

So..I initially planned to stay in the closet and avoid any potential bias within the institute. Why? Because B-scholls are costly snd I didn't want to ruin it.

But our batch has made a watsapp gc and the women yaaaaaaaar😭😭😭😭😭😭

Those women are Devine beautiful and I am now confused about what to do. Stalking their Instagram (we all shared insta) was rhe gayest experience in my life, I almost died of joy😭😭

I have made box brackets for important questions for the post.....For context(Please read the whole post):- There was this girl who was flirting with me all the time and called me cutiepie and stuff and about how she would choose me in place of her crush when I asked whom would you choose...I thought she liked me but I didn't ask cause I thought it would be awkward. She said she avoided her ex because she was stalking her. But now she got with her ex.And just now I realised that people can flirt with each other as friends too. Which is something unexpected cause I have never seen this before...I used to think you only flirt when you like each other. So I had a breakdown because in my brain I felt manipulated and hurt and felt she was playing with my emotions and told her this. I told her I was hurt and she said she was too because of my confronting..

So what I did is I told her since I think that it's not okay to flirt with friends casually and you think it's not okay to flirt with friends casually and also that you hurt me with your actions and I hurt you with my accusations because I was confused. Let's apologise to each other and move on. She said "Why should I apologise when I didn't do any mistake in first place??". Then she later apologised. I did too. [

[[So was this a better way of handling this or I could have blocked them??]]

[[[[Ps:- I still think it's not okay to flirt with friends casually because in my mind flirting means that you like the person. Now I asked a couple of friends of mine and they were confused too. Some said it was okay to flirt with friends casually and some said no it's not okay. Which made me even more confusing so I felt that I was being used. But guys I have a trauma and it sucks so bad. Even for casual friendships online I got ghosted because they stop talking to you after sometime. For this I am paranoid even now and now all this happened. Friends I have lost all hope in everything now 😞. I just wish to go in solitude. I don't know how you guys would judge me. Maybe to some I maybe wrong and to some right. But in general I'm just hurt.]]]]]

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long paragraph. Thanks for the patience. Just today I woke up and I feel should have blocked them 😞

The day before yesterday, around midnight, I went out for a cup of tea.... Two ladies run a tea stall there amd I go there regularly , so we know each other quite well. In fact, I had already sensed that they were a couple and that’s completely fine....

But that night , I accidentally saw them while they were being affectionate with each other cuddling and kissing with the shutter half closed.... We immediately noticed each other...

Yesterday, they kept the shop closed the entire day and now I’m feeling very low because they might be terrified that I found out.... I honestly don’t know what to say and what to do .... 😢

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I’m 21 but MTF (living as a woman) Indian Muslim, and I’m really confused about my gender long-term and could use honest advice.

I’ve been living full-time as a woman for about 9 months now and I completely pass (i just naturally look very feminine without hormones). In both personal life and at work/professional life.

I have done HRT for 2 months but stopped (i will explain) but I’ve done stuff like laser/IPL hair removal, electrolyis, voice work, etc.

Before I transitioned I always had some dysphoria and a strong desire to be a girl. I never really liked being masculine and kind of only did it out of pressure. Now that I’m living as female, I feel a lot more happier in my life being seen by society as a girl and I honestly prefer it very much. Its much easier for me to make friends now, i made some female friend groups etc. I just feel more authentic compared to forcing myself to be all masculine and nonchalant in the past.

The issue is I’m Muslim and I do want marriage and biological kids in the future (I’ve already banked sperm but doing ivf etc might be a dealbreaker for a future wife hence the reason i stopped hrt to preserve natural fertility if i get married in 6+ years from now). But I’m stuck because:

If I stay as a woman, life feels more fulfilling and authentic to me, but I worry about how realistic marriage would be in a Muslim/rishta context. Because marriage and children are tied to long term fulfillment and eventually whats the point of getting to have my preferred gender at the cost of losing a legacy and a future family?

If I go back to living as a man, I feel like it would be really hard emotionally, SOCIALLY too, because masculine expectations already feel pretty uncomfortable/unnatural and very awful to me after living as female. I’m also only into women, so relationships are complicated either way since i would only be attracting someone bisexual or lesbian and in India goodluck finding someone muslim whose family would accept such a marriage.

So I just feel stuck between:
staying as I am (female social life, and personal life just feels better)
or going back to being male for cultural/family reasons (which feels really hard mentally for me)
I’m not trying to get biased or ideologically based answers (whether its people with transphobic rhetoric or pro trans rhetoric) just real advice from people who’ve dealt with gender + religion + family expectations.

What would you do if you were in my situation? I really dont know how i should live my life going forward? For example do i continue maintaining my female appearence since thats how i am seen socially now or do i have to gradually look more androgynous because i might start looking for marriage in a couple of years?

Even if i do ever go back to living as a man i would be quite effeminate looking because of my natural features + no facial hair body hair from electrolysis/laser and i dont want to build muscle since that will give me more dysphoria. And in india effeminate men are not treated very well so its literally between:

A. Being a feminine looking male whose dysphoric but can atleast get married have a family etc but have a tougher social and professional life

B. Living as a decent looking woman but stuck with no marriage or children prospects but has a better social and professional life

Its such a complicated dillema i really dont know what to do. Please help. I beg Allah every day in my prayers to help me come to a decision but this conflict in my mind is making me go crazy!

So I'm close to 25 now and I always thought I'm an introvert, but I feel it's more social anxiety i don't know, I wanna talk with someone and make it clear, also is it cause of looks and my habit of corn addiction which is leading me to have social anxiety?

https://preview.redd.it/qfsk4nzkcb2h1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=395ff35b9e83b96879bb96b725955641cc29ba7a

Do you disagree?

This isn't sarcasm, creeps stay away.

I swear I get so many texts from straight guys that I really don't want and somehow they're always "27 M delhi" like ughhhh I'm bi but I don't want all these older straight guys and I tell them I'm interested but still they never stop textingggg

met him on grindr and uhh he was cute and hung af but um.............. Idk??????????????????? STDs are scary plus um idk.

Hiee everyone, I'm 22 yrs old trans woman and after lots of painful years I thought of coming out to everyone slowly and accepting what I'm. I recently started searching for dresses as well as underwear, but I lack knowledge on sizes. I'm a bit fat and so I measured my sizes but when I check them in any online shopping site it confuses me about what I should buy. I wanted to get advice from you all about how I should purchase these.