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I (21 F) had lived in my birth country my whole life, never been able to visit my relatives due to immigration status of my parents. I have two younger siblings (16 M) and (13 M). With that being said things have become terrifying, to the point in about two months my family will leave to my parents home country due safety reasons, except my dad who will live with me until i graduate my senior year of college, but later he would leave as well.
I always been living with my parents and siblings, but now it just feels a whiplash of feelings. Every other day i want to have a breakdown, and i tried to talk with my brothers but we are all feeling this mix of emotions and we dont know what to fully feel with this situation. And thankfully i know they have people they can rely other than me. I have talk with my parents but is still have so much pain knowing that they will leave. The fact that i decided to stay because of my career sometimes make me like a dick, but i have been working so hard to continue my studies and want to reach my dream something my parents couldnt do.
Im going to graduate next year where most of my family wont be there to see, but i do hope i would be able to attend my brothers. When i visit them. There is so many conflicting emotions, that all I keep asking myself now is how can i move on without them, is me following my dreams worth it and am I even ready to start living by myself. I decided to stay because i feel the opportunity for my career is here and if i move with my family i know it won't be easy for me to find the job i had fought so hard to be in.
At this moment I'm working in finals as i am an animation major student and later have to take summer classes, but as time passes i dont know how to balance my emotion as my anxiety has gotten worse. I talk with my family all the time as much as I can. But once the date comes all I feel is the suffocating feelings of many feelings. Please let me know what advice you guys can give me since i feel like I can't grasp on anything right now.