I would like to start off by saying I am NOT one of these people who think life is meaningless and pointless. I have 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing children that I love dearly. I have a wife! and while our marriage has had more downs than ups lately, we are both committed and love each other! I have good things going for me and I am grateful for them and for my life, but if I continue living like this I am afraid I will walk away from it all in search of.....something. anything. I am so so so bored. Every day. All day. Boredom and depression i guess. Nothing excites me anymore, and if it does, its not a long thing. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to when I get home and I hate how bad that sounds. It feels bad to feel this way. I love my kids!! Love them to death, they are so freaking precious. But they are attached to mom still(4 & 2) and quite frankly they dont want me nor care for anything I got going right now. There's not much to do with them besides color another piece of paper. Watch them at a park. Play with them here and there. As fun as that is im just like fucking kill me now alreadyyyyy. My wife and I have been struggling lately. 2 kids, terrible almost non-existent sex life, and being broke has caused both of us a lot of stress. We just bought a house and 2 new vehicles last year so that's been nice, but a struggle. We love each other but the last 2 years we have been room mates. All of my friends just do the same repetitive shit over and over again. I have alienated myself damn near due to sheer boredom at this point. I have spent the last several weeks trying to find a new hobby, to slow down and enjoy what I do have, but i am still just blah at every turn.
Its crazy how on paper I can have the dream. Beautiful wife. 2 wonderful healthy children. Nice new house. Nice new vehicles. I own a 300 acre farm!
Yet I feel like I have a room mate, no intimacy, no passion. I have 2 kids who love me dearly! But they only want me to really tuck them in bed and tell them good night. They only care about mom right now. I have friends who quite frankly bore me now. I have no fun. No adventure. No joy. No passion. I feel so alone yet I know I am surrounded by loved ones. I'm a mess is what I am and I have been struggling with this for a while now.
I feel like I am missing something idk. Sorry for the long post. Felt good to type it up after having these words in my head for so long.