On Friday, April 24th, I (30F) left with our children (2F, 3M) and filed a domestic report with the local PD. I originally went to just have the incidents "documented" because I didn't think it was bad enough to press charges, but when I showed the officer the video and pictures of what he did to our son (3), the officer got mad and said that was criminal and even if I wanted it documented, he would persue charges through the state.
- Domestic Violence: Knowingly Cause Harm
- Child Endangerment: Abuse
He was never physically abusive towards me, although it came close a few times with cornering me and getting in my face, but mostly mental and emotional towards me, and a lot of gaslighting.
He went on a trip with his family at the beginning of March, met a man (we were never together, just co-parents cohabitating, best friends since the 4th grade, he's gay), came home:
- FaceTiming 24/7 (even at work, per his parents)
- Mean and screaming all the time
- Blaming me and saying things were my fault, when we mutually agreed on said decision (this was when he would corner me against my car, or lean over me in a chair where I couldnt move)
- Screamimg in our toddlers faces
- Jerking and dragging our son around for crying because he was tired and wanted carried inside (video footage)
- Screaming in our son's face, for trying to be playful with me, then SHOVING him in the corner causing a welt to the left side of his face (our son was screaming and crying "stop" and "ouch")
- Gone every weekend to see the new man "because this man IS my happiness and what will make me happy in life". ("What about your kids?" Then he would scream in my face that I was ruining what he had and that I was jealous because I'm in love with him 🙄)
- BOTH kids, at their ages, told me "Daddy is scary" and they wanted him to leave again.
I left the day after he shoved our son in the corner causing a welt. There was a lot more, but too much to put in here. He terrified us all for 2mo. He was controlling and selfish before his trip, but never as bad as this. I have been doing all the morning and nighttime routines with the kids (including cooking, cleaning, laundry, baths, bed), then I would get told I was lazy and didnt do anything. After the kids laid down between 7-8p, I would go right to my room and only come out to use the restroom. I walked on eggshells constantly. Keeping my eyes down, not starting conversations in fear I'd say the wrong thing and he would scream in my face, then cry and be told in a snide way "go ahead and play the victim".
I got a TPO last week, and go for the second hearing tomorrow morning. Since I left he has changed the locks on the house, and put padlocks on the fences so I couldnt get mine and the kids furniture (keeping his kids from being happy still). The kids have also not asked once about Daddy since we left, just about going home. I had to have the officer go get the keys from him at his work so I could go in the house to get the rest of our things, the officer said he was very rude and aggressive towards him when he got the keys, so he suggested I always have an officer present with any interaction I have to have with him.
I am still scared to see him tomorrow, but I am getting angry over everything. Angry that he has kept his children's toys and everything locked up. I lived there for 8yrs and the TPO stated he had to let me get mine and their things, but he changed the locks instead. He said I could do all the parenting if I felt that strongly that he was too rough with the kids (while on a three-way call with 3 officers when he showed up to the house), the officers on the phone all said "that's not how being a parent works".
I still have a ways to go with things. But one step at a time I guess. Even with the protection order, I still look over my shoulder while driving, and do grocery delivery out of fear I'd see him at the store. I need all the advice I can get, through this process though. I am losing my best friend, the father of my children, and my home. I've lost my other friend also because he told them I'm making too big of a deal out of things that shouldn't have been this big of an issue. I only have my coworkers, which are family, we all love each other very much, and I couldn't have done any of this without their help, and my parents and grandmother. His parents have also expressed how much he's changed, and that he has been mean to his clients (they own a family barbershop in our very small, rural town), FaceTiming the new BF while at work, and flipping out on his parents and clients over every little thing at work. They say they will support me and be there for me and the kids, but I dont know if I can trust it. I'm nervous and fearful for my kids future, and mine.
What next steps should I take? I've been "window shopping" for a Family Law Attorney/Lawyer, but idk what I'm exactly looking for because he hasn't filed for any visitation yet. He would probably have to wait until after his court for the charges on him.