r/ComfortLevelPod

Long time listener to the Pod,but first time in these reddit streets. My husband (50) and my(50) eldest daughter is in her late 20s. She and her partner also late 20s have been married for 7 years and I feel that they are struggling with a lot. Some background: a year or two after she graduated HS, eldest daughter met and married our SIL whom we love. It was rough for a bit because he is not religious.
My husband and I are religious, but we don't judge. We go to church, are active in ministries at our church and that is how our kids were raised as well. We can be seen as half hood half holy... I will raise my hands in the sanctuary, but I will also flip some tables. SIL grew up in a religiously abusive belief system so we understand, and give grace because of how he was raised. We hate that their family dynamic misused God in the way that they did. His family is a lot and there is a lot of hurt that they have caused and that he has. I am very protective over his emotional state. I told him, that even though your family is a lot, you have a mom and family over here.
Eldest daughter and SIL have two kids that we adore. They are both very young and the eldest is a bit of a handful. We are not (overly) judgy on their pareting style, but our eldest grandchild pushes their buttons and does not listen well. When they visit, they do better with us because we are pretty consistent with boundaries, but because we do not see them frequently (we live in a different state) we are not able to support as we would like to.
Our SIL broke his foot about a month ago. He can put weight on it, but he can't carry the kids or heavy things, but he is able to move. He has a knee scooter and crutches, however he does not use the knee scooter to get around much and can barely operate the crutches. We (my hubby, youngest daughter, and I) went on vacation with eldest daughter, SIL and their kids together recently and I observed him doing little to nothing but sit and scroll on his phone while my daughter struggled to cater to his every need and the children. We supported her with the kids, but he just sat and scrolled.
For example, the one day when I walked into the room coming in from a workout, I saw him scrolling at the dining room table while the infant was screaming at his feet and my daughter trying to get a breakfast made. My husband who walked in with me scooped the baby up, and tried to hint to SIL to help. He said, oldest daughter is cooking breakfast, our youngest daughter is helping oldest grandchild, hubby is holding infant, and what are you doing, SIL? He was looking for information about the lunch place instead of consoling the infant.
After that, our eldest daughter told me that SIL was feeling bad that he couldn't do much. I told her that he should do the things that he can do so that you are not overwhelmed. I told her that she deserves to rest too.

After that conversation, eldest daughter remembered that they had laundry to do. Our resort has in room laudry facilities. I suggested to SIL that he do it, since he was going up to their space where the machines are. An hour later eldest daughter ran down to our space for laundry detergent. I asked if SIL is doing the wash. She said, oh, he didn't know how to use it because it was different from what is in their house. I told her that there are words on the washer. Actual words that explain how to use the washer. She said that I guess he didn't feel like reading. She has made excuses that he feels bad that he can't help. I'm frustrated because it is clear that he doesn't want to help or do anything.

Another expample at dinner, SIL had no trouble getting up from the table and making his plate at the buffet place, but could not be troubled to make his child or wife a plate who was busy feeding the baby, by the time he had eaten two plates and was about to get dessert before she could eat on plate. She had to ask him to wait so that she could at least finish what she currently had.

So, how do I approach my daughter making excuses for his self-imposed incompetence? How do I suggest that maybe they should visit a counselor? Because we are religious I always lean toward resources/counselors who follow my faith tradition. I would love suggestions of resources that we could gift them that they could do together to encourage hard conversations but not necessarily focus on the spiritual.

TIA

I (28f) have been married less than a year and a sahm. My husband (27m) works and decided to go to school as well. We argue all of the time and he makes me feel like I don’t matter . It’s almost like he resents me for being at home . I’ve tried marriage counseling, individual therapy, and even taking medication to calm myself and make the relationship better. The other day , he said “ you don’t make me happy “. That is my que to start preparing my exit strategy. I just feel like I will always be trying to please him and he doesn’t want it.
I’m trying to figure out how to start the process of putting my child in daycare , moving out , and starting a job😩.

Hello! Long time viewer, first time poster here. I (26F) am currently homeless, and I've been living in my aunt and uncle's front yard since mid September of 2025. Their son (28) and my older sister (27) also live with them, but they live in the house. I became homeless after my adoptive mom (87) broke her hip. Her bio daughter convinced her to sell our home without giving me even a month's notice. I had originally made a deal with my mom that I would pay the bills and move out in November (this was in late August) to give me time to build up savings. Her daughter convinced her to cancel that which gave me 2 weeks to find a place.

I had no savings at that point because back in October 2024, I became septic. By the time I had gone to the ER after 5 days of symptoms and excusing them as other issues, my liver and kidneys were functioning at their lowest rates, HR was 137 and nothing below 130 for over 16 hours, fever of 101.5 and BP 78/54 and dropping. I had to be given 2 IV antibiotics and 5 liters of saline. I eventually gained enough strength to return to work full time the next semester, but in January, I discovered a warrant was sent out for my arrest on false animal abuse charges filed by my older sister. In order to get a court date in our small hometown, you had to pay $1,000 "bail", and I didn't have that kind of money. I explained my troubles to the principle of a school I repeatedly subbed at, and she spoke with the sheriff and got me a court date in JUNE. My driver's license expired that February, so I couldn't even apply to any summer jobs until the court date passed. My sister admitted in open court to "being pressured" to file the charges, and NOTHING happened to her. They reprimanded ME for "using the court to handle family squabbles" because my mom allowed her to move in after my order of protection against my sister expired. I had an OOP after winning an assault case against my sister. I had pictures of the bruises and everything, and I was so caught offguard and overwhelmed by everything that I just cried and left the room. So, I had no active employment during the summer, no license, and an animal abuse charge hanging over my head until July when it was officially off my record. Then my mom's accident came. With no other options because I have my cat (4M) with me, I had my sister ask if I could stay with them.

I have access to their wifi, my cousin's bathroom, a small section of their fridge (enough to hold 2 big blocks of cheese), and I have an extension cord that goes to my car to charge my devices so I don't do it in the house. If I time it right, I can wash my clothes in their washer and dryer, but I have to wait until everyone else (including my sister) is done washing their clothes before I wash mine. I wear my outfits 2-3 times each, and I try to make sure to have enough clothes to last me a month since that's how long it usually takes me to get to wash my clothes again.

I have the same scheduling issue with showers. Many times, I will ask repeatedly to take a shower over the course of several days, but I'll end up going 3 weeks without a shower (I wipe myself down in a grocery store disabled bathroom when this happens). At one point, I broke down in tears because I hadn't had a shower in over 2 weeks, but my sister was given priority to take one because she had a shift that night. I work as a substitute teacher during the school year, and I had to cancel an assignment I had the next day because my aunt did not get home until 1 am. I am not allowed to shower when my aunt is not home.

Despite everything, my resentment towards my aunt only started earlier this year. I had called my mom to vent about the shower thing because I was FINALLY approved to take a shower and wash my clothes. Then my sister said SHE had to wash clothes, so she went to start the washer, and my aunt did NOTHING knowing that running the washer lowers the water pressure to the point that you just can't use the shower. My mom ended up telling her bio daughter, and they both got onto my aunt about it. My aunt then got onto me for not coming to her "as an adult" (which is not the first passive aggressive dig she's made at my autism btw). For context, my adoptive mom is my bio great-grandmother. Her bio daughter is my bio grandmother and also my aunt's mom. My aunt cannot stand the idea of her reputation being damaged in her mother's eyes because she is already in competition with HER older sister (Idc how many times she says she was "liberated" by no longer asking her mom for money when she will talk obsessively about the new used car their mom bought her sister).

I didn't go to my aunt about the shower thing because she KNEW I hadn't showered in weeks. I always text her to ask her so I have it on record. Any time I've gone to my aunt about issues I am having with the arrangement, I only ever got one of 2 answers "you need to reframe your perspective on the situation" or "well this is the best you're gonna get". I started getting that second response after speaking up that reframing my perspective didn't make my feelings any less valid.

I was talking with my mom, and she started talking about last winter. We went through 2 big freezes last winter where the temperature dropped to the teens. I had a cold weather sleeping bag and one blanket. I gave every other blanket I had to my cat in the little nook I had made him to keep him warm (believe me, he is fine, this chonky orange boy is built different he actually got a clean bill of health from his vet after his vaccinations in May and is 12 pounds! best believe I feed him well). My best friend lives in another state so she sent me a care package with merino wool socks, knee high fuzzy socks, 2 hats, a scarf, some candy, some hot cocoa mix, and 2 mugs. It was the first time I had genuinely felt cared for in years, but it was so cold, I would use the bathroom for extended periods of time just to feel the heat. I was reprimanded once for falling asleep in the living room and once more when my uncle suspected I had done it again because I was in the house early charging my phone. THAT was when the extension cord was brought out.

Anyways, at one point after my aunt visited my mom and her mom, my sister said "you know Aunt Cherry will let you in the house if it gets too cold, right?" How on Earth would I know that when I wasn't told that?? When I had been reprimanded for being in the house already?? Well turns out, my mom and her mom confronted my aunt about how I was being treated. My aunt's mom doesn't even like me, but she still told my aunt that I was being treated worse than a dog. That's when my aunt told them that she already told me that I could come in if it got too cold for me, something she had never once (and still hasn't personally) told me. She said that to save her ass, which signaled to me that she knew it was cruel to leave me and my cat out in the freezing cold while my older sister and her 2 cats were allowed to be warm. Thing is, she only invited ME in the house, not my cat. My cat is fixed AND vaccinated while my sister's cats are neither yet he was not allowed inside. Idc if she had told me herself that I could come in, I'm not leaving my baby boy to face the cold alone. I'm not giving myself relief not knowing for sure that he was safe in the car, and they all knew that.

If you're wondering why I would even ask AITA over this it's because the dynamic used to be completely different. My aunt and I rarely fought because we rarely talked to each other, but when we did, it was all good. When I sliced my finger and needed stitches, she stayed on the phone with me, so I wasn't alone. She's been there to listen to my talks even when they go on and on. She pauses what she's watching and listens to me which is something my mom wouldn't even do. She's given me coupons to restaurants, and she's fought with my uncle to allow both me and my sister to stay because he has made it very clear that he can't stand us being here much longer. I have so many luxuries that other homeless people don't have, and she lives in a safe city. The last time this city had any major crime was coincidentally from my aunt by marriage on my other side after she unalived my uncle on my "dad's" side (and I'm being so serious, they even mention the safety of the city in her Snapped and Dateline episodes) and got caught unaliving her second husband who shared the same name as my uncle while also having an affair and colluding with the married town pastor. And that was over a decade ago. Now that it's warmer, my cat has a safe area to roam and catch field mice (and the occasional bird since he thinks I'm too weak to hunt). I have so many advantages that others don't because of my aunt, and I don't take those for granted.

She also defended me against the police when her lousy next door neighbor called them and animal control. This hag has called the police on me 3 times for just being here to try and get me removed, and when the first 2 times didn't work, she lied to animal control that my sister and I were mistreating our animals but also that all of the animals were mine (btw imagine claiming that my cat was being malnourished and mistreated when he's 12 pounds at 4 years old, has a GLISTENING shiny and full coat, healthy shed, is fully vaccinated, neutered, AND the only human he approaches is me). When animal control approved my situation (noting that he even looked healthier and happier than cats she's found in actual homes), this hunchback sack of wet cardboard called the police AGAIN. My aunt defended me to them every time and to the building inspector when they tried to claim I was violating a city ordinance because the neighbor had told him my car was a junk car and inoperable (you see me driving it to work almost every day you cup of melted white chocolate and hemorrhoids). I made sure the inspector saw me driving my car when he was visiting the neighbor. We haven't seen him since.

Come September, I will have what I need to secure a used trailer for sale near the town I used to live in. It is already going to be such a rough transition, and I'm trying to think but not overthink who I want to keep in my life. I want to prosper in life so that I can give my cat the life he deserves and to thank him for sticking with me through all of this and always coming back to me. He deserves the world, and I want to be the best of myself to give that to him. I'm even wondering about my older sister because she HAS been trying more since she had to move her dogs in and has gotten more flack. She's been much more helpful as an ally than an adversary, and I don't know if I can just cut her off for being the family's chosen favorite. Having things given to her is just what she's used to. I just know I'm very biased and need outside help.

This is my (30, F) first time posting on Reddit so please be kind. It’s difficult to decide where to start especially because if I were to include everything- this might take days to read. So, i’ll start with the smaller things that others have argued against in favor of my mother. Growing up, I was always told that my mom loved me but “in her own way”. My way would have been supporting me, saying she loves me, saying she’s proud of me, hugging me, etc. Her way was judging me, making fun of my hair or makeup, laughing at me for missing spots on my legs the first time I ever shaved (not that she ever showed me how), and denying that any of my personal issues were valid or mattered in any way.
When i was in fourth grade i was told by my parents that they were getting a divorce because my mom doesn’t love my dad anymore. At 10 years old my dad decided that he could talk to me like a friend and i was given all the details of their failed marriage and infidelities on both sides. They didn’t get divorced until about 4 years after all of that. Mom immediately brought around her “new” boyfriend, (found out later they had been together for the entirety of her marriage to my dad- 14 years) and when my sister and i protested that we were uncomfortable with a stranger moving in with us she asked us, “don’t you guys want me to be happy?” okay narcissist.

Let’s fast forward five years, i’m 19 and my sister is 13, mom and boyfriend have a son about 5 at the time, and they have planned a trip with a bunch of their friends to mexico. and my sister and i actually get to go this time. night two of this vacation and i order myself an alcoholic beverage, this is exciting to me because at 19 in america i cannot legally drink but in mexico i can. I do not know my limits or have any real experience drinking. stepdad and his best friend and i are sitting at the outdoor bar chatting and they keep buying me more drinks and shots. i am essentially drinking at the pace of two full grown men as a nineteen year old petite girl. this is when i start having black spots in my memory. and where it gets very hard for me to type this.

memory 1- we are in the discotheque and i am dancing with a confidence never felt before as i’ve never been drunk before
memory 2- still dancing but now moms boyfriend is dancing with me and is too close for comfort and even touching my ass
memory 3- my bandeaux top is off, my chest is fully out, and boyfriends friend leaves the club leaving me with only boyfriend. neither man has decided to cover me up, stop getting me drinks, or in any way protect me.
memory 4- i am outside of mine and my sisters hotel room screaming for her to
let me in and moms boyfriend is behind me. i am on all fours.
memory 5- waking up i notice my underwear are on inside out. i remember the previous night. to this day i do not know if the assault escalated to r\\\*pe and i thank my brain for that protection. i pour out all of my antidepressants and tylenol knowing that i cannot go on with my life after my mothers boyfriend felt me up touched me everywhere and potentially r\\\*ped me.

i tell my mom what happened. she tells me i am lying.
“what do i possibly have to gain from lying about this? if you don’t believe me then go ask your fucking boyfriend!” she does. they both come back to my room and boyfriend is in tears. he claims he doesn’t remember anything but he’s sorry. she tells me i should not have drank as much as i did. she fully believes that it is my fault and i am the only one in the wrong. she gathers all of my pills and leaves the room.

one year later i am sitting on a beach in florida watching them say their i do’s.

three years later i am calling 911 after my drunk “mother” attempts to bring little brother upstairs to bed but is so drunk she misses a step and they both come crashing down the flight of stairs. i can still hear the thuds. brother is profusely bleeding out of his head and i see red. i scream at mom and stepdad as they drunkenly tell me that he is just fine and they just need to put him to bed. are you fucking kidding me? putting a small boy BLEEDING FROM HIS HEAD to bed? i call the police. stepdad speaks to police with sharpies penises on his face that mom and friend drew on him when he was passed out on the couch before the incident. brother is taken to hospital and given six stitches. mom kicks me and sister out that night. we leave. she later attempts to gas light us that they were not that drunk and brother would have been just fine without the ambulance.

three years after that i am living with my fiancé who we’ll call E (a genuinely incredible man whom i have loved since we were 14) and we are about to give birth to our first born miracle daughter. fiance had testicular cancer and after beating it was told he would most likely never be able to have children. plot twist, we have two beautiful girls now. :) we are only allowed one person at a time in the delivery room and i have chosen E’s mother J. she has taken better care of me and cared to actually know me more than my mother ever has. i also feel infinitely more comfortable with her seeing all the bits and jits of my ladydom than my own mother. however, my mother has decided that she needs and deserves to be there for our daughters birth. we do not want her there. i tell her i have the max amount of people there. she comes anyway. J is kind enough to leave to let mother into the room. at this point i have been in labor for close to 30 hours. i am exhausted, scared, and in so much pain. she is the last person i want to be forced in a room with. my nurse is an angel in scrubs and can see my discomfort and decides to tell my mom that i really need to rest and visitors should respect that and leave. hours later i get a call from my sister telling me that mom is extremely drunk and blaming me for her almost getting a DUI because she was so heartbroken that i made her leave the hospital and all she wanted to do was be there for me and she drives drunk to a store to buy things for my baby. i do not care. when our girl finally comes, after an emergency c-section and just truly the scariest moments of my life, mother shows up the next day to meet her. she does not ask me how the birth went, does not tell me she’s proud of me, does not even make eye contact with me.

a year after our daughter is born, E and I have been given promotions at our jobs and offered the opportunity to move 2.5 hours north to run things up there. we jump at the opportunity and E’s parents who would have nothing keeping them there aside from us and our baby girl, decide they want to move with us. we end up buying a house big enough for all of us and live in a multi-generational household wherein our girls get to be with their grandparents daily and it’s a really beautiful situation we’ve got here. a month after moving in i have been bombarded with texts and calls from mother asking when she and stepdad can come visit. i finally tell her everything i’ve kept inside for years. i tell her how much she hurt me by choosing a man over her own daughter. how becoming a mother to my own daughter has made things clearer than ever and i would never treat my girl the way she has always treated me. how i can’t “agree to disagree” that brother needed stitches. how my contact with stepdad after mexico was a trauma response and fear of disrupting the peace. how i think it would be best to no longer speak. two weeks later she responds that she refuses to apologize for anything that i brought up to her and the past needs to be left in the past. i don’t reply. i block.

for the next year and a half the only communication i have with her is through my father, whom she randomly will call and cry and scream about how hurt she is and how much longer do i need to do this to her. a month ago she had an asthma induced medical emergency and ended up on a ventilator. ultimately she was completely fine but when it was iffy i called her and kept conversation light, giving minor life updates and basically for my own peace of mind telling her i love her just in case it’s the last time we speak. like i said, she is okay now. but she is taking my reaching out as an olive branch and now has gone back to asking me when we can facetime, when can i send pictures of my daughters, etc. i feel happier without her in my life. i would never trust her or her husband around my children. so, am i the asshole if i block her again and go back to being no contact?

[removed]

Names have been changed

My husband (29M) and I (30F) have been together for three years and married for two. I moved to the other side of the country two years ago and still kept in touch with my best friends. I’m in a friend group that started at Wendy’s 7 years ago. There’s Matt and Alex. Alex is my husband but we were only crushing on each other when we worked together. They had a friend name Luke from high school, but Matt and Alex were best friends since elementary school, basically brothers. There’s also Rachel and Abby. They knew each other from high school but got close working together.

Slowly we all join the Wendy’s team and Rachel starts dating Matt (7 years total). Abby has a boyfriend named Tanner (8 years total). Luke has a girlfriend named Maria (8 years total).

We work together and build friendships for years before we start getting other jobs and changing directions. First Alex left, then Matt, Rachel, Luke. I moved and Abby was the last to leave. Matt and Alex are still good friends but their friendship with Luke kinda fell off but no bad blood between them. Us three girls were inseparable. We grew so close to each other and Luke was our friend too. We had group chats, we would game together, we took trips and went to concerts together as a friend group. I started dating Alex. Rachel and Matt were so excited for us, all of our friends were!

Skip to the drama. I personally believed each of my best friends were in relationships they were not happy in, for my own reasons I believed Rachel and Abby should break up with their boyfriends and Luke should break up with his girlfriend. We all felt that with each other except about Alex and I.

Four days ago, Rachel calls me and says she has something she needs to tell me because everything is going to change. She tells me that Rachel, Abby, and Luke had a threesome. They were drunk and things just happened. Then Abby and Luke hook up just them two, the next day. Abby’s boyfriend, Tanner, goes through her phone and finds messages between Abby and Luke talking about their hook up. Tanner is breaking up with Abby and he sends screenshots of the conversation to Maria, Luke’s girlfriend. Maria breaks up with Luke. Rachel tells me that she’s telling me this because things between Rachel, Abby, and Luke are never going to be the same and if I ever visited them, we weren’t going to hang out together. I’m shocked, I don’t believe Rachel, I’m waiting for her to laugh at me for believing her, I only respond with “that’s crazy” and “I don’t know what to say right now“. Rachel asks me not to tell my husband because he’ll tell Matt and then Matt will break up with Rachel and Matt will also tell Tanner about the threesome (Tanner only knows about Abby and Luke’s second hook up) and he’s definitely not getting back together with Abby if he finds this out. I’m reluctant on telling my husband because I know he hates drama, especially if they’re not even gonna break up and we get roped into petty drama that doesn’t concern us. Rachel does ask me if I hate them and I say no. I’m disappointed because they each have a significant other.

I called Abby yesterday to ask for her story. She confirmed the threesome, she confirmed Luke and her on the side, she told me there’s more I don’t know. Rachel and Luke have been together, romantically, for the past three years. They’ve gone on vacations, stayed in hotels together, celebrated their anniversaries!!!!! Abby just found this out after Tanner broke up with her, Rachel came over to console Abby but Rachel was SO MAD at Luke and Abby said she was confused at that until Rachel confessed. So Rachel is upset her second boyfriend is cheating with her best friend, even though Rachel has been trying for a year now to convince Abby to hook up with Luke and break up with Tanner.

This changes everything. I have to tell my husband. This is too much to ask me to keep secret. It now feels like my dirty secret I’m keeping from my man even though neither of us did anything wrong. But if I tell him, everyone is gonna find everything out. This whole situation is gonna blow uppppppp.

Rachel and Abby both beg me not to tell Alex about the threesome and I’m not even supposed to know about Rachel and Luke. I tell them I can’t promise I won’t say anything. I ask them if I tell my husband, would we still be friends and they both say they don’t think so. If their boyfriends break up with them because I told Alex, they don’t know if our friendship still stands.

Luke hasn’t even text me once since this all came out. I thought he was one of the good guys, I used him as an example that men and women can truly have platonic friendships, we leaned on each other as good friends do. I have nothing to say to him anyway.

I’ll update after I talk to my husband, I have no idea when I’m gonna tell him, what I’m gonna say but I’m sure there’s more drama to come.

Update: I told my husband everything. I explained Abby and Luke, they got caught, Rachel encouraged it, I told him I don’t know about my friendships at this point and he rebutted saying this doesn’t have to be the end, people make mistakes. He’s saying this because he doesn’t know how much worse it is. I tell him about the threesome and Rachel and Luke.

We agree it’s disgusting, disappointing, selfish. We both acknowledge how the only right thing to do is to tell Matt. My husband is also concerned for me because he knows how much my friends meant to me. I just have to do the right thing and trust that our friendship will survive if I truly still want to. Abby is the only friendship I have hope we can revive. She’s been the most remorseful, the most honest after the fact.

Alex just called Matt, he came out of the room and handed me his phone, Matt’s asking for confirmation. I tell him it’s true, my heart hurts when I hear him cry. Matt asks me about my friendships with them. I’m sure he’s confused or just reaffirming it’s not lies because it’s wild hearing this from one of Rachel’s best friends.

Matt updates my husband when he’s about to break up with Rachel and when he leaves, Alex kept telling Matt to be smart and calm. I block Rachel before they start their conversation because I’m anticipating her calling me to say how dare I or how could I do this to her. I’m not dealing with responsibility that isn’t mine. Soon after Matt leaves his shared apartment, forgot to mention Matt and Rachel JUST moved in together a few months ago because she was begging for that, Matt was reluctant to moving in with Rachel. When Matt updates Alex that he’s left the apartment I get a call from Abby. I didn’t answer it because i just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. She text me saying “Rachel just called me crying. I don’t blame you for telling Alex. I just feel awful” I called her back and just told her I love her and I’m sorry she’s hurting but I had to do the right thing and I can’t be sorry for that.

While I was on the phone with Abby, Luke text me saying “I’m sorry for ruining everything you had over here. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life and take care” that means he’s still talking to Rachel and I won’t be surprised if they end up together. He was supposed to be one of the good ones, a truly platonic friend, now he’s just another disappointing man.

I’m feeling numb, I feel hurt my friends ruined everything we had, I’m upset they wanted me to keep this secret from my husband, I feel heartbroken for the future I imagined with my best friends and everything we’ve been through before. I truly appreciated and loved my friendships while they were good. I don’t know what to think or feel right now.

This is a repost. I guess sometime went wrong the first time it was posted.

Cast (added if future update is needed)
OP - OP
Jay - Ex boy bff
Gf - Jays now ex-gf
Delilah - ex-girl bff
Lala - Sis 1
Nisa - Sis 2
Dani - cousin 1
Nini - cousin 2

THIS IS LONG!!! So skip if you don’t like long Reddit posts👌🏾

CONTEXT: I then (17F) became friends w/ Jay then (18M) in HS & im ngl I HATED him at first but I slowly put my guard down & became bffs w/ him since we had a lot in common (similar upbringing, fam drama, mutual interests & stuff like that). Needless to say we were close. We even made a marriage pact where if neither of us were married by 30 we’d marry eachother. He moved in w/ me & my family a few years after we graduated HS & pretty soon we were eachothers physical diary. At that time I started to think maybe the world is trying to put us in a position where we can eventually move in together & go forward w/ being in a serious relationship (which he expressed wanting w/ me multiple times but I was unsure of but was willing to give a shot.) Then 3 years later the unthinkable happened, my baby sister’s Lala then (18F)’s now ex-bff Delilah then (18F) moved in temporarily & Jay (at this time 22) slept w/ her 4 days after meeting her & her moving in. And the crazy thing was THE DAY BEFORE me & him talked about looking for a place so we could move in together & become official to actually get the ball rolling. My cousins Dani & NiNi, my parents, & my sisters Lala & Nisa knew all of this. So she. When i found out about what they did not once but twice they banded together & lied to me & my sister multiple times & eventually told the truth. I never gave him a reason to lie to me about anything & he didn’t NEED to lie about it. We were all single but if he was interested in her too I felt like he should’ve told me instead of leading me to think he wants a serious relationship w/ me while also sleeping w/ her & making her also think he wants to be w/ her too. After that I lost all interest in pursuing a serious relationship w/ him & I stopped trusting him as much as before & I told him this repeatedly so he was well aware of my feelings. A month later we picked up & moved he came w/ us & shortly after he went off to the Army then was dishonorably kicked out of boot camp due to his lack of discipline & fighting. When he came back he lied to me & my mom about him going back (we were helping him look for new recruiters & hookups to get him back in) & said he’s going to Navy instead but switched back to the Army because he didn’t want to start over doing boot camp (he would’ve had to do that anyway since he didn’t graduate.) He didn’t go back to the military & shorty after that moved right back home w/ his mom & was back to his HS BS.

Back in March of 2025 I sent him a DM of some food that I wanted to try w/ him the next time we linked which would’ve been that upcoming summer. I get a DM back responding w/ dont msg Jay again this is his gf. So me knowing him I’m thinking “which one of his fake official gfs is this & whose mom does she think she is? I msg back wanting to talk to him because I don’t do the “I’m speaking for them” shit I want to hear it from them direct not you especially since these days girls be having secret convos they’re bfs don’t know about & I never played that. If you have something to say to me YOU need to tell me what your problem is not a 3rd party that’s how I operate. The convo then goes like this:
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Gf: “you don’t believe me?”

Me: “no, I want to hear it from him.”

Gf: “Okay” *ft calls me from ig*

Me: Hello Jay?

Jay: Yeah?

Me: Who is this telling me to stop talking to you?

Jay: My gf

Me: Where did she come from? Because that’s not the girl you showed me you posted on your V-day story.(Him this gf at this time had a fight on V-day & he posted some other chick & said he didn’t even thought he showed me the photo on FT the day after V-day)

Jay: Yes it is we’ve been together 5 months.

Me: No is isn’t the girl w/ you now she’s thick & the girl you showed me was skinny so who is she?

Jay: (No answer)

Me: That’s what I thought. Anyways-

Jay: Look she wants me & you to stop being friends because she doesn’t want anybody she met that I’ve been in bed w/ apart of our future.

Me: I’ve never met her WTF…

Gf: Yes we have

Me: no we haven’t

Gf: yes we have

Me: no we haven’t I’ve never met you a day in my life & this my first time EVER talking to you. I don’t even know your name!!! WHO ARE YOU??? (I refused to lied on in 4K)

Jay: Listen OP for me & her to work I have to cut you out my life fam.

Me: Really? Your serious?

Jay: yeah

Me: YOU WANT- YOUUUU, YOU want to cut ME off for your new temp gf you’re not even gonna still be with next month (2 weeks from now)?

Jay: Yeah

Me: Are…you…sure? There’s no coming back from this, our friendship will be over permanently this time.

Jay: ……………..yeah

Me: Okay. *hangs up & heart breaks instantly*

I never thought in a million years he would do such a thing especially for a girl HE & I knew he wasn’t going to be with in the long run (I was right). But then the next day when clearing my IG DMS I saw that his now ex-gf msged me & we had our own convo:
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2nd convo me & gf

March 5, 2025
Gf: Hey love you need that? (Do you wanna fight) (I didn’t know that’s what that meant at the time)

MAR 6, 2025 (day after 1st convo)
Me: Who are you & do I need what?

Gf: No worries have a nice day... it's old news
And being the woman 1 am I will apologize for stepping out of character and calling you out your name ... It's Jay gf

Me: I appreciate the apology & I apologize as well. I will continue to not have any contact with Jay from now on, on my own behalf. I wish both of you the best.

MAR 17, 2025
Me: Hey is there any particular reason your bf called me?

Gf: When? Can I see? He said you called him.

Me: I didn’t call him he FaceTimed me twice back to back. I declined the first time. He called again I answer saw it was him & I hung up. I didn’t know it was him until I answered because he was blocked immediately after yesterday’s convo we had & his ID didn’t show.

Gf: *asks for proof that he called me* Thank you for telling me.

Me: NP & *sends screenshot & screen recording w/ his BOTH of his phone numbers unblocked*

Gf: We looking at it we don't see where he called you. I just wanna be sure so i can let you have him
Until then I'm not coming up off that you fucked him you get it.

Me: Was the number I left blank that he called me again from 10 MINS AGO not enough proof?

Gf: What number?

Me: He used 2 different numbers to call me. *sends screen shot of his contact w/ both numbers* (she only had 1 of his 2 numbers).

Gf: Ok yea no that's not cutting it. You want him or something?

Me: I’m just about to let you know. I don't want Jay, okay? I don't want him. And I get that you care about our dirty history & that’s fine.
But I don't I don't care for him in that kind of way. Okay? I'm not trying to take your spot or whatever. I'm just letting you know because I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM. I have no desire to be friends with him anymore as of yesterday. But he called me from two different numbers early today & I had no reason to be doing all of this. If that was the case & I REALLY wanted him like that I would’ve been w/ him from the very beginning, but I'm not.

Gf: Well again it just shows you calling him, so it is what it is. I honestly just think you thought he was gonna not take me serious as he usually does & that bothers you cuz you did call him 4 times. (I laughed HARD AF at this text)🤣🤣🤣

Me: (Shortened) I didn't call him four times & you know it. The first two calls were from him, & the last two were from me. One of those calls only happened because my sister told me to call him back in case he was trying to apologize, but he never answered. The first time I called, I didn't even realize it was his number (he was blocked when he called) & He's had so many different phone numbers over the years (10-20) that I honestly don't remember which one is his. I never texted him saying, "I got your number" so Idk what story he told you, but that didn't happen. I don't want your boyfriend especially not after this. We were FWB’s in the past, & that's all it ever was he knew that. I've never tried to interfere with ANY of his relationships, & I wouldn't start now. I've always respected the people he's been with. But what I won't do is let him make it seem like I contacted him first or tried to cause problems in your relationship I want NO PARTS OF. He facetimed me from a blocked number, so I unblocked it to see who it was. Anyone would have done the same. Later, he claimed he received a text from me saying, "I got your number," but I never texted him again. Based on how he called me & how the conversation happened, I don't believe his version of events. I know what happened, & I've told you the truth. Whether you believe it or not is your choice, but I'm not going to accept being blamed for something I didn't do.
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Now to part your here for: We are now (25F) & (26M) I haven’t talked to Jay of his now ex-gf since this convo & I never planned to talk to either of them again until, Nov 21, 2025 when he DM’d me outta the blue on SM. I’m ngl I read his messages, went to his page & saw that he posted a video of us together at the fair & my girl bffs bday party w/ a tagline like “of all the memories we have let’s recreate this one” or sum fake sappy bullshit like that *rolls eyes* This is what he said in the rando DM:

Jay: Hey OP just checking up on you I miss you broskie I pray all is well & I pray you over come any & everything standing in your way I love you till the end of times I know last time we spoke I said things I didn’t mean I really do miss My God mom some days she was the realest mom I ever had some days she was gangster mom 3.7 sometimes she was best friend mom 2.0 but in all honesty no body perfect man we live one life live it to the fullest if make better choices I regret everything I ever said to you & my My God mother even if she still don’t like me anymore or love me man I’d still take a bullet for her in a heart beat yall taught me what family really is through the ugly times we still love each other through the messy we still be there for each other and through the hard and dark time we still stick together and show up for one another because at the end of the day family all we got for real & I really just want to see y’all again more then anything in this world you was my best friend lol some emotional roller coaster that was & deep down in my heart & out you still are I never let go at the end I was really going to treat you right but life had other plans if there is a next time I would like anything that happens in our friendship to just stay between us every one will have a opinion but everybody don’t know me the way you do and everyone don’t know you the way I do. Tell everyone I said hello God bless I love you & miss you all and I think about yall everyday day but not a Tuesday or something like that or eva Mom be saying (inside joke)😭😭 🫂🧸Also be nice to your mom she a real one she love you and she just living life for the first time just like us times will test yall relationship mother to daughter but man that lady love you bro💖 And be nice to Lala to even tho she can be a booty while that’s just her a mean squidward love your mean squidward unconditionally love your mom unconditionally 🥰🫂 You get one life to live and one day it will all be dark till the lord calls us home ight Xezbeth out peace n|gga🫡

My response: After everything you repeatedly did to me with ZERO change, you made it easy to let go & miss nothing about you. You taught me a lot, mostly what I shouldn’t tolerate. I held onto you longer than I should have, didn’t realize how deceptive you really were until you dropped me for someone else even when I had your back at every turn. If you’d been the friend to me that I was to you, & hadn’t used me or my family for your own selfish benefit you’d be the “king” you want to be treated as & wouldn’t be in a position to “miss” me or family (which I don’t believe). But okay I guess😒 Btw my mom doesn’t hate you she just don’t fwy the way she used to.

(There’s extra subtext like gaslighting, disrespect for other people, dismissiveness to my feelings I just can’t fit into this post.)

Jay: Fam I did you no type of way you made a choice & I went off of that I’m sorry you got hurt in the process but to be honest you gotta be real with your self & stop lying & playing victim that’s not cool at all you giving off the wrong narrative & that’s why your mom don’t fuck with me you been lying to me to her to pops & to whoever else bout how you feel towards me from the jump & that’s why you got hurt…you be playing mind games & when I asked you hey if you want a relationship we can go all the way I told you I was going to treat you right girl in your head your gay one moment your not gay the next moment you in a relationship with a dude across the world then the next moment you single like you be playing these games with your self & you get confused you only really wanted me when I’d give my attention to other people and that’s facts your cousin Nini is a witness to your madness you be playing a sweet little angel to your mom and it made sense why your mom thought I’m playing you whole time you been playing with your mom mental this whole time and I sat there and watched it played out I honestly wondered why she was being so mean to me that shiid hurted and you still with the false ahh b.s OP give that fake b.s up Omgosh be truthful with your self man you was the real manipulator at the end of the day got people mad at me man stop it please and tell your mom the truth and that’s tells me you didn’t not grow at all over the time you still that same little girl & that’s right there is why a person can’t be with you at all ……I came to just say hey and happy holidays lee lee I pray your life turns out great btw my life is good I’m not missing you in a bad I actually missed my best friend before the sex even happened the sex messed our friendship up I lost a good friend everything genuine and real over here it’s all love bro please go to church & read your bible bye bro I love yall this my last time talking to you that’s so sad how you playing victim God bless you♥️
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I laugh reacted to this because where tf did he get half of these accusations & why does he lowkey still think I want to be his wife someday????🤣🤣🤣 After reading this I was like playing mind games? With who? Who were players one & two? Who did I lie to when it came to my feelings regarding him? I was direct w/ EVERY ISSUE I ever had w/ him. Playing the victim? Never, Reacting to your repeated disrespect? Absolutely!! And I still don’t know what “truth” he’s talking about in regard to my mom when they fell out over their own 1 on 1 problem I wasn’t included in.

Everybody in my family doesn’t like him because of something he admitted to do doing to either me or them directly so what narrative did I twist to make them hate him? They have their own individual reason to not like him anymore & he did all of them on his own, knowing better, & for some reason still blaming everyone else for his problems & actions.

Almost not graduating HS: It’s the teachers fault his grades sucks.
Dishonorable Army discharge: it’s the superiors & his bunk mates fault he was fighting & not following orders.
Staying between jobs: It’s his bosses fault.
Failed relationships: it’s his gfs fault he’s cheating.
Our friendship ending: Us being intimate was the problem (even though the last we had sex was 3 years before this fallout) so that makes no sense to me.

I haven’t talked to him again since he sent his rando DM but i can’t believe I wasted 8 years of my life being friends w/ him or so I thought just to be cut off for the 3rd time for another temp gf of his. And after talking to my cousin Dani about our fallout (she knew all the ins & outs of our friendship) & she told me she I thinks this over the phone directly from him “over for good” friendship cut off was the final straw for me because if everyone he got a gf his friends & family suddenly didn’t exist then re-exist when he’s single why try & stay in his life when it’s selective?

AITA for how I responded or am I justified?

TLDR: my bf thinks me asking him to communicate when he’s coming and going from our home is me not wanting him to have a life. We have a small child and a baby on the way and I don’t feel respected as a partner.

For context I am currently 5 1/2 months pregnant and also have a daughter from a previous relationship who looks at my bf as a dad. We have known each other since we were kids and dated in high school so we have lots of history. One big issue we have is my bf always randomly springing on me that he’s leaving. He sleeps at my house 7 nights a week but keeps things at his parent’s house 5 minutes away and claims he doesn’t technically live with us but that his goal is to fully move in with us. We have a lot we are working through and are currently in couples counseling to try and get right for our older girl and the baby on the way. One reoccurring issue is that he will be home with us and randomly say oh btw I’m leaving right now. It has happened when I was in bed after puking my brains out or in the middle of a Saturday that we were supposed to spend together. He is always leaving to go back to his parent’s house to do laundry (I wash his laundry at my house) or watch a game, or go smoke with his dad, spend the night with his mom etc. We are talking at length about how we are a new family unit and this is his priority and he claims to feel strongly about that. I tell him it feels like he brushes us aside and acts like he can come and go as he pleases without communicating like he’s my roommate. He says since he’s a grown man and has a key it shouldn’t matter when or why he leaves and thinks that because I want him to talk to me that I want to control him and make sure he has no life outside of me. I told him that’s not true- I have a really full life outside of him with lots of friends and family and plans, I just want to feel like a partner and not a maid/ roommate. Today he had to work later. He is blue collar and works a hard job and we talked and I told him I would have dinner for him when he got home and asked him to grab 2 things from the store on his way home. He walked in and sat right down to a hot meal. Two bites in he says “btw I’m leaving you guys right now”. He decided he’s going to his parent’s place to watch the World Cup and be with his mom because she texted she wanted to spend time with him. I told him that him not saying anything to me and popping in to eat and leave doesn’t make me feel good. He said he knew I would be like this and I’m controlling/ it’s last minute plan and that’s how it goes sometime but that he did communicate because he just told me he’s leaving. We argued (not yelling just clearly unhappy) and my daughter got upset and told him she didn’t want him to leave. He told me this relationship clearly won’t work because my standards are impossible and I told him anyone would be bothered by his actions. I’m so tired of saying the same thing. Maybe it’s the hormones or maybe it’s the frustration but I told him if he was going to walk out and not talk to me that he can’t come back and I hope a soccer game and dinner with his mommy is worth it. He said something as he was walking out I didn’t catch and left. Is my anger justified or am I just sensitive and overreacting?

I had no where to go and no other online forms could help me. My partner of 6 months out of no where stopped talking to me. Usually I wouldn't care and ask when he’s available. But two problems: 1) He needs wifi to text anyone, so no messages go through. 2) he said he was clocking off work and then heading home. It’s been 15 hours since he sent that he was going home. I haven’t met his family yet and we don’t have any mutuals. Should I call nearby hospitals or the non emergency number by 24 hours?

Thank you for any advice you have for me. (He’s a tough cookie so I shouldn’t be too worried, he would also find it funny I’m using reddit for advice)

I M/51 currently lives with my girlfriend 50. We have been together 2 years, living together for just over a year. Before she moved in we agreed that I will pay all the household bills. When I say all, I do mean all. I pay the rent, untilties, both cellphones, car note and insurance. The car is mines, however we both drive it. She does have her own car, but she gave it to her oldest daughter, 23, that stays here also. She agreed to paying 800 dollars a month to contribute, and take care of the house as a whole. That includes cooking, cleaning, washing our clothes. I expressed that I will not be doing household chores outside of taking out the trash. She found a landscaper and agreed to pay him. Which is now another bill that I pay.

When we started dating, I was gainfully employed, with the goal of retirement. In Nov my wish was granted. I became a 100% Permanent and Totaled disabilitied veteran. Our goal was that she would become my caregiver. Her being my caregiver would bring in between 1900 or 2900 extra into our home. Well she wasn't approved. Things started going down hill from there. She stopped going to my Dr appointments and doing things like putting pain cream on areas I can't reach, like my back.

In January her daughter married her high school sweetheart and moved to VA. Beach. We drove her daughter's car to VA. Beach in January. While in VA Beach it was winter time, it was cold so we couldn't really enjoy it, so we started planning a trip for the summer, just the 2 of us. Well in February that trip included her sister and her husband and son, and her 2 oldest M/27 F/22. The trip was planned for the middle of June. In March the sister and her family dropped out. Around April my daughter 26 and her 1 year old twins moved, an I took them to daycare and pick them up. In May my girlfriend asked me would I still be able to go since I take the twins to school. I said yes, they will just have to stay home while we are gone. I then booked us an Air BNB on the beach in May. I didn’t tell her because I wanted this to be a surprise. Towards the middle of May she suggested that I don't go on the trip. This way they can get air mattresses and stay with her daughter, and not have to worry about a hotel. All this after i paid all the bill plus a deposit on the Air BNB. I just agreed, we went to breakfast 1 morning in May to discuss a few of her concerns and so I can express how excluding me out of this trip hurt my feelings. All I got in response, that was not her intentions. So I just canceled the Air BNB and lost my deposit. I don't want to go anywhere I'm not wanted. BTW we were driving 19+ hours to VA Beach.

The day that they left for VA Beach, I left the house. I took my oldest grandson to get a haircut around the time they planned to leave. She asked me, you not going to give me a kiss. I kissed her then walked out the door.
I texted her every morning she was gone good morning an a bible scripture, like I do every morning. All I got in return is 💕. The day before she was to head back we got into a pretty big argument. I again expressed how leaving me out this trip hurt my feelings. That's why I didn't want to kiss, hug or pray for them before they left. My feelings were seriously hurt mainly because this was supposed to be a trip for just us now I'm exclude from the trip. I normally pray before we get on the highway. She still didn't acknowledge my feelings an instead she called me unappreciative, arrogant, an inconsiderate. After she got back, the next morning we sat outside and talked. She added to the insults by calling neglectful to my dog and told me that I need to get rid of her. I asked her that if I'm so neglectful, arrogant, unappreciative and inconsiderate, why does she want to be with me? I never truly got an answer to that question. She said people that love eachother talk through their problems. She asked me, do I want her to leave. My response was, I want you to do whatever you think is good for you. She walked off crying.
Now I do need to add a bit of Content here. I've been married before. My last ex wife an i have 3 adult children and 12 grands together. Our relationship and break up was not a good one. Anyway we've been divorced and separated for about 8 years now. Well I asked my ex out to lunch 1 day so I can apologize for blaming the downfall of our relationship solely on her. I don't know why, it was just heavy on my heart to do this. We didn't go to lunch, but I told her in a text why I invited her out, then we talked on the phone. We were good. Well months later, March I'm told. They talked and my ex told my current girlfriend this. The girlfriend goes through my phone to find the text messages. She brings this up during the argument while she in VA. I told her all she had to do is ask me I would have told her. I have nothing to hide and did nothing wrong. I don't go anywhere other than to Dr appointments, haircut, and to get a medi pedi once a month. All she had to do is ask. After she came back from her walk she acted as if nothing was wrong, so I took it as if she decided to stay. I revisted the question she asked, do I want her to go? I said yes. You don't have a very high opinion of me, you don't trust me, you feel like a servant, you also don't do what you said you are going to do. That 800 dollars a month she agreed to was only paid the 1st month, 300 of which she asked for back. She then asked can she lower that to 600 a month, of which I end up giving 200 back for 1 thing or another. I told her when we moved here, I didn't need for her to pay anything. She insisted on paying something. I told her in May, look you are not keeping up to what you said you were going to do. You know how that upsets me. So don't worry about paying me anything. So now yes I want you to move. She asked when, I gave her 2 months.

Now am I the Asshole?

I (29f) need some objective perspective on my relationship and how to handle the current fallout with my partner (27M) I am completely heartbroken and filled with a deep sense of sorrow and regret over my actions, but I want to lay out every fact as clearly and unbiased as possible.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have two sons. For the last year or so, we haven't been living together and haven't been able to see each other very often. On top of the physical distance, he has been completely distant and closed off whenever I try to have emotional conversations. Between that and being a stay-at-home mom, I have been living in a state of constant isolation.
To give context on our foundation: when we started dating 8 years ago, he established a rule that his side of the relationship would be open, but mine would be closed. I agreed to it, hoping the dynamic would change. For the first 5 years, he didn't physically cheat. However, after our first child was born, he did. The most severe instance occurred when I was one month postpartum with our second son and grieving the death of my cousin; he cheated with my then-best friend. I chose to stay to keep our family together.
Adding to the strain, I have spent months being targeted by an anonymous hacker. This person has been systematically tearing my mental state apart by sending me private conversations between my partner and other women, or him talking about other women to his cousins and friends. They have sent me images of women he has attempted to pursue. It has been a relentless, agonizing weight to carry.
Recently, I reconnected with a guy from middle school through Fortnite. It started as an innocent friendship, but when we hung out in person, he kissed me and I kissed him back.
Honestly, I am not even sure why I cheated, why I met up with this man, or why I was even texting him. I regret it with everything in me. I think I was just so profoundly lonely. I desperately wanted my partner's attention, but it felt like he was giving it to everyone but me.
I didn't confess immediately. Instead, the same anonymous hacker maliciously leaked private, adult images of me to this friend without my consent. My partner discovered this and confronted me. Out of sheer panic, I initially denied everything, but I quickly broke down and told him the full truth about the texts and the kiss.
I know I broke our established boundaries, and I know my initial denial made the breach of trust worse. I accept full responsibility for that, and I understand why he is hurt and betrayed.
However, since finding out, his reaction has involved constant disrespect and cruelty. He literally said to my face, "I will not call you my girl or queen anymore, you’re just my bitch or bae." While I am accountable for my actions, I feel his level of hostility is hypocritical given his history of multiple physical infidelities, specifically the postpartum betrayal, the fact that he has always been permitted to see other people, whether he chose to pursue it or not, and his own emotional withdrawal from me.
I love him, I don't want to end the relationship, and my ultimate goal is to build a healthy environment for our sons. But I need clarity on how to address this without completely losing my self-respect in the process. AITA for thinking his current treatment of me is uncalled for, and how do we actually fix a dynamic like this?

I found this account again, so here is an update. My ex-wife's new husband lost his job, and since she is four months pregnant, they are having a lot of issues. Because of this, we revised the custody agreement, and my boys are going to be living with me the majority of the time from now on. I still get crazy messages from her claiming that I am causing holes in her relationship. However, when I asked her why she is still having kids if she can’t afford the ones she already has, she didn’t really have anything to say except that it was none of my business. I then asked her why she was asking for my money if it was none of my business, and she just stopped responding after that. I did find out that she got a second job to help out her household, but that's about it. My boys are doing fine, and so are my other kids.

Hey everyone, this is probably going to be my final update on this situation so ill male it quik and to the point.

Well ig she was telling the truth.Jazz is pregnant.....19 FUCKING weeks actually

Which is actually concerning considering before all of this started we have been going out smoking drinking bar hopping so 19 weeks is crazy work.

that part was true. She planed on keeping the baby from the very start

I assume she's going to use it as a way to try and get back with Tatum

who has officially updated his relationship status and let everyone know he's in. New Relationshipz🙃. She's 19 but I'm not really going to get into all of that.

Jazz has been trying to talk to me again and wanted to make amends. At first, I actually considered letting her back into my life, but after talking with Alex and a few other close friends, I realized it's better to move on. Right now, I need to focus on my mental health and this new chapter of my life.

I honestly wish Jazz the best. I don't hate her anymore, and I hope she has a healthy pregnancy. I also hope Tatum steps up and does the right thing.

As for Alex, she's honestly the best woman in the world. I don't know where I'd be without her. She's been amazing through all of this and has truly been like a sister to me.

So, that's how everything ended. I completely ghosted Tatum, and he did the same. I honestly doubt he even tried reaching out.

As for me, my pregnancy was terminated, and now I'm focusing on bigger and better things. Thank you all for the advice, support, and reality checks throughout this whole mess.

Peace out, Reddit.

AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid?

Sorry for how long this is….

I recently got married and one of the biggest issues that came up was my sister not being a bridesmaid.

For context, this is my sister on my dad’s side. We actually did have a close relationship. But since I’ve been engaged June 2023, I haven’t heard much from her, and it felt like she became distant during a season of my life where I really needed support and consistency. I’m not the type of person that needs constant communication, but none at all is where I get frustrated!!

The distance didn’t just come out of nowhere. December 2023 I had a girls night, she didn’t show.. Cool. 2023-2024 we were close and communicating. But July 2024, she didn’t show up for my birthday party. Never said she wasn’t attending just didn’t show. I reached out that new years to link, we never did. In March 2025, I had a housewarming and she didn’t come. That was my test for her to be a bridesmaids or not. I did send a group text of the invitation but she could have at least said she wasn’t coming. Mind you… during this time our other sister and I are getting closer. In July 2025, I had my bridesmaid proposal. She wasn’t included in the actual bridal party proposal, although I had made her a box. But we hadn’t spoke since new years…..This decision was based on the lack of communication. In August 2025, I sent save-the-dates for the wedding, and again, there wasn’t any communication, I called her as well. Then November 2025, she told me she wasn’t coming to the wedding because she wasn’t a bridesmaid. I explained why she wasn’t and told her I still would like for her to come. January our aunt passed away and as I was walking out she was walking in. I gave her a hug which she didn’t seem like she wanted. Mind you this is the first time seeing her since April of 2024!!!! She didn’t attend the funeral so, on February 2026, I reached out asking for her address to RSVP, no response. Then around March 2026, I was on her side of town and went to her house and she didn’t answer. I messaged her on Snapchat since I deleted her number, that I was outside and wanted to talk things through. She blocked me on there. That was the day I was going to put my pride to the side and give her the box and apologize. However now I’m blocked on EVERYTHING…

When I chose my bridal party, I chose people who I actually talked to often during that season. I chose people who showed up, checked on me, supported me, and were active in my life. I wanted my sister present but she was gone!

My sister was upset that she wasn’t chosen as a bridesmaid and decided not to come to my wedding!?!?! That hurt!!! During this whole wedding process that’s the only reason I cried.

What makes it more frustrating is that my godsister was ALSO upset that she wasn’t a bridesmaid. But she handled it completely differently. She texted me, told me how she felt, and we had a real conversation. I explained my side, she expressed her feelings, and we handled it. It was a completely different reaction than my sister’s.

Yesterday, our cousin asked my sister why she wasn’t at the wedding, and apparently she went OFF. Claiming I never reached out and said FUCK ME , multiple times. So now it feels like the situation is being brought up again, and I’m being painted like I excluded her for no reason.

I didn’t choose my bridal party based only on family titles. I chose based on who was present in my life during that season. Our little sister was in my wedding, which definitely added to the fire. But the thing is my mom was the parent who got along with all the baby moms so I have a relationship with most of my siblings and they don’t.

I do feel sad that my sister wasn’t there, and I’m not saying I handled every single thing perfectly. But I also feel like she chose not to come because she didn’t get the role she wanted. Based on the story she sounds hurt but I was too. The difference is I’m past it, and had to accept she wasn’t there. I’m open for a conversation but it seems like she wants to fight me.

So, AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid? And do I continue to live life without her ? I feel like I tried so many times and she’s just MAD ASF, but she chose not to come!! WTF

Let’s start with some context, my brother and his now ex gf (both currently 20) recently broke up. they were together for two and a half years and his gf lived with him, our parent, our younger brother and Me (currently 17), she moved in with us shortly after they got together because one of my brothers close friends had passed away and he was struggling with grief , earlier this week they had a massive argument and ended up ending the relationship , they were visiting her family and got into the argument on the way back home, he forced her to get out of his truck and walk the rest of the way home, which was about a half hour walk and it was late at night, when she made it back to the house she took her car and drove 2 hours back to her hometown to spend the night at her sisters since she understandably didn’t want to be in the same house as him that night. The next morning my brother when to my parents and demanded that they throw her out of the house, my parents refused to do so saying that she has nowhere to go right now and her job and life is here, my mom offered for her to share a room with me until she could sort things out and get her own place (something that I had already agreed to since me and her are close friend) my brother said that it wasn’t fair and that our parents were picking her over him, our parents said that this isn’t the case and told him again that we can’t just throw her out since her closest family is over two hours away, and my mom told him that it was fucked up that he made her walk home after dark knowing that we don’t live in the safest are, my brother flipped out and called my mom a cheating cunt that slept with my dads former best friend (something that isn’t true) and said that he was never going to come back since they care more about his now ex than him. later in the day his ex came to collect her stuff and was upset at how things had ended, she blamed herself for him fighting with our parents and I assured her that it was not her fault and I spent the afternoon helping her pack up stuff, my brother came back later that evening and grabbed what little things actually belonged to him since most of the furniture that they used actually belonged to his ex, he ended up leaving his pet bird behind and said that he would come back for her when he had a more permanent place to stay, although I am certain that he will not come back for her since it extremely unlikely that any place he can afford will allow a bird and he barely even spends time with her or money on her. I have since blocked him on everything but messages since he was spam reposting TikTok’s about his ex being a cheating narcissist (again something that isn’t true) and I just didn’t want to see that crap, at the end of the day I was talking to my grandma who is still in contact with him and I called him a complete man baby for how he acted and my grandma scolded me saying that he is still my brother and that he is just upset and that he will come aroun, I told her that I hope he never comes back after how he acted and that he doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt, so AITA or am I justified?

It has been a few years since the incident but it is still something that I think about often. The problem is that I don't know if it was actually SA or a drunken mistake that some of my friends say it was. All my friends were pretty spilt in the middle.

So here is the story. I apologize in advance for the length of this. I'm not sure what's important and what's not.

I was friends with this guy, we will call him mark, for 8 years. I had liked him off, confessed I loved him at one point, and on and he was actually my first kiss(he initiated), but nothing romantic ever came from it. He rejected me and it sucked but I finally got to the point when we were just good friends and I had no feelings for him. In all honesty, I'm not sure if I ever had genuine feelings for him. I grew up in a home that thought boys and girls couldn't be friends, so it just made sense for me to like him. Plus we hung out at least once a week every week for years.

At the time of this incident, it had been about two years since I had a crush on him. I asked him to come over while house sitting. We were watching a movie and chilling. The house owner welcomed me and anyone I had over to their drinks so, is being early twenty years olds, took advantage of that. We had gotten drunk together before. Plenty of times with nothing happening.

Anyways, I got way to drunk, I was a light weight. And all I remember is those slide show images of him leading me to the bedroom, appearing perfectly steady and sober, then him kissing me, then next thing I know our clothes are off and he's taking my virginity. I don't remember most of it but by the time we were done I was feeling more out together and had realized what had happened. We sat in silence then all he said was "the important thing is that It happened between two consenting adults"

My mind was then racing. Did I consent? Was I sober enough to consent? Mark knew I wanted to be dating the guy I lost my virginity to, did this mean he had feelings for me? He had to have feelings for me because he knew how important it was to me. He fell asleep pretty fast after that. I was up for hours thinking about it.

In the morning he confirmed he didn't like me and he asked me that If I still had feelings for him. I said no and he said good. He kissed me and had sex with me. I don't remember much about that. I was hung over and kind of in a daze. Had I told him the truth? Did I not have feelings for him? I think he asked because not long before that night we were talking about when I had feelings for him and I said I was glad that was all over and dealt with.

At this point all I could think was that my best friend wouldn't take advantage of me. He knew it was important to me for the person I lose my virginity to love me and I love them. I think I forced myself into thinking I liked him again at this point and that he liked me. Why else would he continue to initiate sexual things for the next months after? I honestly wish I could say I remembered more about those months. They felt like forever but my mind was off for most of it. My life became a daze and my best friend turned into someone I would be there to please when he wanted. We would just bring hanging out and he would come over and start kissing me and touching me and placing my hands where he wanted them. I do remember a time where he was kissing me then shoved my head down to perform oral. I never had done that before and I ended up getting a lock jaw. I never initiated. Throughout this time I was having panic attacks after every hang out mark and I had. Some so bad that I went to the ER. I had went through three different therapists during this time to discuss everything in more detail. Each one of them said this was rape or bare minimum, SA. I changed the therapists because of that.

In my mind all I can think of was that he had to have loved me at least like me. That's why he was doing this. But then one day mark told me he was going on a date. I wish I could describe the sense of complete dread and relief I felt in that instance. It was so confusing. Anyways he ended up making things official with that girl.

I was hurting at this final confirmation he didn't love me and unfortunately took that out on the girl. I wasn't mean to her or anything. Actually whenever I did meet her I we had pleasant conversation. I think in another timeline where mark and I hadn't gotten physical, her and I would have been friends. But I associated her with the pain he caused me, so I told him and others in the friend group I wouldn't be attending anything she was at. Problematic I know, and I honestly don't even know if he told her anything about us. Mark had a history of not telling girlfriends of his other flings he is still friends with.

Im not sure when the switch happened but I finally was feeling the anger towards Mark I should have had that first night this happened. That anger finally gave me the courage to walk away from him and leave our friend ship behind. That anger and also tons of therapy and the realization our friendship hadn't been healthy for a long time.

I know I was stupid in how I reacted to everything. I wish I could change that. But I guess I'm still stuck on if it was SA or if I have just been a baby this whole time. I now see a psychiatrist who says some of my responses towards sex with others since then is a trauma response but im not sure. I'm still worried I'm making something out of nothing. I'm still worried that completely believing that it was SA means that Mark is a predator, maybe even a rapist.

So I guess I'm asking you,

There is a lot to this story I left out. If I wrote out everything it would be a novel. But thank you if read this entire thing. I do want to know your thought on if you think it was SA based on this story.

Wow … I never thought I’d be doing this but here goes nothing. I 26F have been with my 27M husband for 9 years. A little back story on us. We were high school sweet hearts and have been together since 2017. We started smoking weed about a year or 2 into our relationship, and it stuck with me the most. We also started drinking… at first it was casual and then when the pandemic hit at the end of 2019 we both started drinking heavily every night. Pretty much up until I found out I was pregnant at the end of 2022. So obviously I did the responsible thing and stopped both smoking and drinking completely. He would still smoke and drink here and there but nothing that would raise any flags, so I guess you could he lightened up on the drugs if you will. Fast forward to now but sometimes within the last couple of years after we had our perfectly healthy baby, he went back to the heavy drinking. Like nightly for no reason and it’s never been beer it’s the hard stuff like tequila and vodka, and anything popular basically. Sometimes I will indulge because I can’t say I don’t like to have a drink. But for me it’s like I’ll take my few shots and be done because I know my limit. My husband on the other hand will wait until I go to sleep and finish the rest of the bottle and gets mad when I wake him up early to help with our to lighten the load off of myself, as I’m our child’s primary parent. Also not mention a lot of times when we drink and I stop, and he stays up I feel like I have to walk on eggshell because he’ll keep drinking and is easily “triggered” if I say or do the wrong thing, when I’m usually just trying to vibe. It’ll turn into a screaming match like 80% of the time. And I’ve expressed before how maybe he should cut back or stop and he doesn’t seem like he’s able to do it. The longest he’s gone without a drink is a month and then after that like a week, I do my hardest to encourage him and offer solutions like stop drinking with him, him going to AA and I go with him if he doesn’t feel comfortable going alone, or finding hobbies that will help distract him from the urge of drinking. Yesterday I woke up and found him drunk in his 23M brothers room more drunk than he was the night before, we got into and I left to my moms since she was watching our child the night before anyways and told him to sober up so we could talk and that it was a boundary I was setting. It was his day off and instead of acknowledging what I said … guess what he did? He got more drunk as the day progressed completely disregarding what I said, he kept calling me to say that he misses me and loves me but I didn’t really want to talk to him drunk. Our child and I stayed the night at my mom’s house and today I sent a long message saying I want to separate. I will add he’s a great provider, and parent, he’s actually so kind and would give a stranger the shirt off of his back. It’s just when he drinks idk who he is anymore. So tell me am I the asshole?

Hi everyone. love the content. hoping to get some reasonable perspective as this involves two different worlds.

I, F27 and my girlfriend, F29, are in a very healthy and loving relationship. Our pasts were very tragic as our only experiences with relationships were yelling when things didn't go someone's way, and bad communication out of fear of being ridiculed (above all other things I'm not going to get into). We met each other by chance after a long healing period in our adulthoods and countless nights praying for someone to just see us for the good in us. We both felt like we found the person we had been searching for. She is wonderful, playful, funny, kind, and loving. I literally cannot pick out the best part about her.

Her birthday is coming up soon and I'm supposed to meet her family at the birthday celebration in a few months. So it's only natural that I absolutely hate that I'm even typing this next part out.

My girlfriend's family disgusts me. I know it's a strong word, but I truly mean disgust. And I haven't even met them yet.

It's crucial to know my girlfriend is not from the country we live in (the US). She is from a small Latin American country where Spanish is the primary language. She has some siblings who live in our city here but the rest of her family lives back in her birth country. Girlfriend has 8 siblings, most of whom have children with d-adbeats or are the d-adbeats. She has one sibling who lives here who's actually married to the person she has had kids with. Her sisters have kids who have partners who are cheaters (her words) and alcoholics (my words, mostly because apparently it's common for the man to MISS THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILD because he wants to go out drinking with his friends and for older folks to mix coffee and vodka to wake up in the mornings on regular weekdays). She has siblings who be@t on their partners or have partners who be@t on them. A lot of them just keep having kids in bad situations, mostly financial instability. And of course everyone is raising kids and teaching them that it is OK to be hurtful towards your partners. Oh, and my girlfriend's parents were probably not a great influence. My GF said her parents were never affectionate with each other growing up. Her mother has anger issues who takes everything out on the kids and her dad is borderline absent despite living in the house.

Now, it might sound like I'm being judgmental, but here's where a lot of the issues actually lie; despite my girlfriend's family having all these issues, they are the least supportive people in her life. My girlfriend chose to leave the country and go to the US for education and freedom. Her family ridiculed her for this. They don't like that she never wants children. My girlfriend is about to go back to grad school to get her 2nd degree in her 2nd language and her family told her she was "wasting her time when she could be working" and even changes the subject when she brings up school. They overall hate the child-free, non-chaotic, single woman life my girlfriend has set up for herself so she doesn't drown like her family members. But you're telling me I'm supposed to be OK with the most dysfunctional people I know putting my girlfriend down for something that makes her happy? Girlfriend specifically told me she never wants to rely on a person for income, get stuck in a loveless relationship with kids, or be at her parent's beck and call who demand their children to give back what they had done as parent's for them growing up. My girlfriend fought hard just to wiggle out of her parents' grip and her older siblings' judgmental glares.

The last two paragraphs are important because 1.) My girlfriend tells me her siblings and family are like that due to cultural norms, and 2.) The few family members' who live here in town's reactions to me coming to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday with her were negative according to her, although that was a normal reaction she expected. 

I already don't like what I'm hearing about all these people. Then they make me feel unwelcome before I even get there? 

And I'm not sure if all of these feelings are coming from a time where I had set boundaries with my immediate family and I had even cut off a sibling who I haven't spoken to in 6 years. Setting boundaries was the hardest thing to ever do because they made me feel lonely, and they made me feel like I was the ahole for doing that when all I wanted was my freedom and sanity intact by the end of the day. I've never had an easier life before I had set clear boundaries with my family. it feels like I've fallen back to a decade ago when I was in the height of terrible family dynamics, that took lots of money and tears just to escape from. 

And although it was a long journey for my girlfriend since her family is too stuck in their ways and aren't big fans of outsiders, to her, family is still family. And she's chosen to have a relationship with them. Although I'm glad she has them, I'm not thrilled with being a part of the chaos myself.

To be clear, I'm not asking how to meet them for the first time knowing all this info, I'm getting tips from my therapist and I'm doing a lot of journaling on how to go into meeting someone from a mutual mindset, etc. What I am asking is how do I get past this hurdle of potentially having to constantly do gatherings with people who I know are all emotionally unstable and have already driven a wedge in our relationship? I want to wait to communicate these strong feelings to my girlfriend until I have actually met her family. She's an understanding person but I really hate that I feel the need to have this conversation in the first place. I am keeping this disgusted feeling to myself, as that's something I don't ever want to actually say to her. I would hate for this to get to a point of needing to break up because her family is already becoming a dealbreaker.

OK, so I was not expecting this to blow up the way that it did honestly was just doing one of those screaming into the void things but here we are. After taking some time away from the initial post and do some introspection as well as reading some comments, allow me to clarify some things and update.

1. I saw a few comments, wondering or surprised that my bio Mom never got involved. At the time, my mother was serving in the Armed Forces and was deployed to Iraq a lot so during that time I was in between my grandparents and my bio dad, but rest assured once she retired and was out of uniform, there were many moments where she took matters into her own hands legally and illegally, and I’ll leave it at that.
2. I know it is always a very touchy subject when it comes to men, putting hands on women in a violent manner I am not trying to justify my actions. Yes, I reacted in a volatile emotional state and looking back on it. Do I honestly regret what I did? Honestly no, but I do acknowledge that I could have handled the situation a lot better without resulting to violence that also being said I was taught by my mom that "equal rights, equal fights" or "don’t put your hands on me and I won’t put my hands on you"
3. yes, at my age I am very aware that “name-calling“ is very childish and I should be above it however I would pose the question who among us have never done something just a little bit childish despite our age? Again, not justifying my actions just simply asking a question. It’s a habit that I know I need to break and I will continue to work on that.

Update

overall, since the event itself, and even after posting sitting back reflecting speaking with my loved ones and speaking with my therapist, it’s set in stone that clearly that I have some things I need to keep working on and I will continue to work on. Overall, do I feel like I finally got my personal justice at the end of all of this? I would be lying if I said anything other then yes. I do feel extremely justified and I honestly do feel like a weight of pain, sorrow and anger has been lifted off of my shoulders after all of this. I acknowledge that I could’ve handled the situation better but I realistically as of this moment cannot see no better way maybe sometime later on as I continue to grow I can look on it later in my life and see it differently, if I could go back and change some things. For all of those who commented in my favor. I appreciate it and to those who gave their deepest sympathies and shared some of their own personal experience in relation to my own. I thank you all this has been a enlightening experience for me that I will look back on fondly and look too for guidance as I continue.