AITA for leaving my parents high and dry financially
I apologize for the long post.
I (29 F) bought a condo last June. What should have been the most exciting time in my life turned into something incredibly stressful and I am still dealing with a lot of guilt and feel as though my parents resent me for what I did.
For context, my parents have always been financially insecure and irresponsible for as long as I can remember. When I was 19 or 20 I moved back home after breaking up with a partner that I lives with at the time. Since then, I have been contributing rent, paying for my own food and any and every other expense I had. My dad later admitted to me that he did not want me to move back home but only allowed me to because my mom made him.
My relationship with my parents has always been rocky, especially with my mom. When we got into fights they would always pull the leverage card of "if you don't like it, leave" and "this is not your home and you don't get to have things your way". I never felt comfortable at home and always spent time in my room and rarely came out unless it was to make food, which even then I hated doing.
For additional context, my parents would complain about me making noise in the kitchen when trying to cook as the living room was beside and they were ALWAYS watching tv, I couldn't do laundry unless it was after 7PM (hydro rates) or when my mom wanted to do laundry, I was not allowed to have friends over as it was not my place and anytime I wanted to express frustration or being uncomfortable with something it has always been met with "if you don't like it, leave". Living in their home was terrible for my mental health.
I have always worked really hard. Most of my working life (since I was 14) I was either in school and working or working two jobs. I have worked hard to be where I am, and have never really had financial help from my parents, which I don't resent them for and have never expected anything. The thing that frustrates me is that they are ALWAYS complaining about money but actively making choices that hurt their situation. For example, my dad finally paid off his truck which was a bit rusted but had no mechanical issues. Instead of driving a paid off truck, he and my mom decided he needed a new truck. They also take little vacation trips that they cannot afford. They went shopping in the states (we live in Ontario, Canada) with one of their couple friends and when they came back were askinge to lend them some grocery money. Those are just examples. Whenever I voiced concerns it always turned around to be "none of my business".
Now going back to last year. I had been saving money for a down payment on a condo. Housing in Canada is extremely expensive, and TBH I didn't ever think I would be able to buy anything by myself until I saw a listing last year and thought it might be something doable. Long story short, I bought the condo and DID NOT tell my parents until papers were signed as I thought they would try to talk me out of it for their own benefit. When I told them, they did tell me they were proud of me and that they were shocked. After the news settled a bit, my dad said "damn, if I would have known you were making that kind of money, I would have charged you more rent" and kind of laughed it off.
I feel like an asshole because I KNOW they relied on my rent to pay their bills. The timing of this listing also came at a terrible time as my mom's work was on strike.
Fast forward to when my parents see my home for the first time. My mom's first comment was that my windows look old, and my dad asked what happened to my floor. Yes, my condo is old, but it's mine and I'm proud that I was able to give myself stability. My dad even asked me for money the first week I had moved out, when I obviously had taken on a large financial burden.
Now, present day, I feel like I am not a priority to my family. My sister is married, and they had their first baby, first grandchild and niece to me who I absolutely adore and I know they see her and her family a loy. I know a large portion of it, is the baby, but I feel like they forget about me, or maybe it's ingenyionsal. It feels as though I don't see my family unless I initiate a gathering and when I do see them, it's either at their homes (they live in a different city about 40 minutes away) or when they do come my way, they don't stay long and the visits are awkward.
I feel like my parents have some resentment towards me for leaving them high and dry during a vulnerable time in their lives, and resent me for owning property which unfortunately they were never able to do for themselves.
My friends all tell me that my parents are adults and it's not my job to take care of them, they have dealt with money their whole lives and if they don't want to change, it's not my responsibility to subsidise their life. I feel terrible because I know they are struggling and I am their child so I feel like maybe I shouldn't have bought my home.
AITA? I am an anxious person, yes I want honest opinions but please be kind.