AITA for making my niece a period pouch
My (29f) brother (32m) and his ex (31f) have 50/50 custody of my niece (11f). Over the summer, my niece got her first period. She was with her mom at the time, but my brother called me panicked because he had no idea what he needed to keep on hand in his house. He said he tried to talk to his ex about it and she told him to just figure it out. He called me because he wanted advice from an actual woman. I went to the store and got some necessities for him - a variety box of pads, baby wipes (I personally feel like those are better and cheaper than buying the feminine wipes), Midol, one of those microwavable, weighted stuffed animals, blemish patches, and some of her favorite snacks. I explained the different sizes of pads to him, told him some tricks in case anything gets on her clothes or bed sheets. I also recommended that he talk to her about what products she preferred to use so he can make sure he has them and doesn't just have random products she doesn't like since that makes things 1000 times more stressful. I also made a period pouch for him to keep in his vehicle just in case they're ever out and about and she needs something (pads, travel wipes, Midol, lotion, hand sanitizier, hair ties, things like that). About a week later, I got a call from my brother saying how much my niece loved the period pouch. He had shown it to her and she thought it was the greatest idea ever. Apparently, she's having a lot of anxiety about having her period and going back to school soon. She asked if I would make her one of the pouches for her to keep in her backpack. I asked if her mom had made something for her, and she said no. My ex-SIL told her that she didn't even need to keep pads on her since you can usually get them in the restroom. Side note: I don't know what restrooms she's been in, but 9/10 when I've been in a public restroom, there's either no feminine product vending box, or it's out or it just doesn't work. I told her she can at least keep a pad in her backpack or purse just in case so that she has peace of mind and that I would be more than happy to make her a pouch, as long as it was okay with her mom. I don't have kids myself, but I never want to overstep or be disrespectful to parents. On top of that, my ex-SIL can be very messy and I don't want to deal with any drama.
About a week before the start of school, my niece called me and said her mom was completely fine with the pouch, so I made her another one. I did omit the Midol since most schools don't allow students to keep any type of medication on them and she could just go to the nurse if she needed to. I gave it to her the next time she was at my brothers. The explosion came when ex-SIL went to pick up my niece and it happened in my brothers front yard. Apparently, ex-SIL and niece had been going in circles about the period pouch. My niece kept pitching it - that it would have anything she might need so she would be prepared and it would help with her anxiety about it - and her mom kept shutting it down - said the pouch was over the top, she didn't need all of that, and my niece just needed to calm down and learn to deal with it. Now my ex-SIL is seething, saying my brother is letting me get too involved in their parenting decisions, that she's tired of everyone acting like they know better than her, and is even threatening to not let me see my niece anymore.
I understand why she feels that way, and while I don't have a lot of great things to say about my ex-SIL, I would never intentionally step on her toes or try to parent over her. I do think the public blow up is little extreme (it has been the talk amongst my brothers neighbors), especially over a period pouch, and that we could've had a conversation about it since I didn't know she said no. Ex-SIL won't even talk to me so I can apologize. I know my niece feels awful about the whole situation and she's really upset that we might not get to spend time together anymore. I told her that I was her age once, so I understand the anxiety she has, as I'm sure a lot of women do, but it wasn't okay for her to lie like that, and that if her mom kept saying no and dismissing her concerns, she should've brought that up to her dad so that could've been a parent conversation instead of her trying to be sly about it. Now she's a little mad at me, saying I'm also coming down on her, but I told her that what she did was wrong and there was a better way to handle it.