u/Stunning_Factor871

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

update 3 :- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ghhghTMB30

Hi everyone. A few people asked about my husband’s late wife’s parents, so here’s a quick update on them.

After the ultimatum there was silence for a while. Eventually we agreed to a few short supervised visits with my husband present the whole time. We kept them limited so our stepson could still see them without the usual ignoring of my son or the negative comments about him and me.

From my husband’s face and mood after every visit, it’s obvious nothing has really changed.

Tbh I feel this — they still seem uncomfortable with him being a stepfather. It feels like they think any attention he gives my son means he’s neglecting his own kid, or that I’m the one pushing him to do that. Like they’re still trying to get things back to how they were before instead of accepting how our family is now.

They asked if our stepson could sleep over at their place. My husband said no straight away. We’re both worried that if he’s not there, they’ll say negative things about me and my bio son in front of him. We don’t want them putting ideas in his head that could create problems between the two boys or make him pull away from me.

My husband is still calm about it and holding the same line — they need to show basic respect and kindness to both kids. He’s not asking them to love my son the same, just stop the exclusion and the comments.

For now the supervised visits are the only contact. We’re not increasing them, and my husband is the one deciding when or if they happen. If their attitude stays the same, we’ll probably cut them back or stop them again.

On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot. They’re more open, they’re checking in properly, and it feels like they’re actually trying to understand our side instead of just reacting. It’s a quiet kind of progress, but it’s noticeable and we’re grateful for it.

Our stepson has asked about the other grandparents a couple of times in a casual way. My husband answers simply and doesn’t badmouth them, but he also doesn’t pretend everything is fine.

We’re just focusing on the people who treat both boys decently and keeping our home peaceful. The four of us are doing okay, and that’s what matters most right now.

Thanks again for the support.

​

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

update 3 :- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ghhghTMB30

Hi everyone. A few people asked about my husband’s late wife’s parents, so here’s a quick update on them.

After the ultimatum there was silence for a while. Eventually we agreed to a few short supervised visits with my husband present the whole time. We kept them limited so my stepson could still see them without the usual ignoring of my son or the negative comments about him and me.

From my husband’s face and mood after every visit, it’s obvious nothing has really changed.

Tbh I feel this — they still seem uncomfortable with him being a stepfather. It feels like they think any attention he gives my son means he’s neglecting his own kid, or that I’m the one pushing him to do that. Like they’re still trying to get things back to how they were before instead of accepting how our family is now.

They asked if my stepson could sleep over at their place. My husband said no straight away. We’re both worried that if he’s not there, they’ll say negative things about me and my bio son in front of him. We don’t want them putting ideas in his head that could create problems between the two boys or make him pull away from me.

My husband is still calm about it and holding the same line — they need to show basic respect and kindness to both kids. He’s not asking them to love my son the same, just stop the exclusion and the comments.

For now the supervised visits are the only contact. We’re not increasing them, and my husband is the one deciding when or if they happen. If their attitude stays the same, we’ll probably cut them back or stop them again.

On a better note, things with my husband’s parents have been going well since the therapy session. The tension has eased a lot. They’re more open, they’re checking in properly, and it feels like they’re actually trying to understand our side instead of just reacting. It’s a quiet kind of progress, but it’s noticeable and we’re grateful for it.

My stepson has asked about the other grandparents a couple of times in a casual way. My husband answers simply and doesn’t badmouth them, but he also doesn’t pretend everything is fine.

We’re just focusing on the people who treat both boys decently and keeping our home peaceful. The four of us are doing okay, and that’s what matters most right now.

Thanks again for the support.

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

Hi everyone. I wasn't planning on making another update, but a lot of people asked what happened after my husband's parents agreed to attend a therapy session with us

Birthday celebrations: A lot of people asked why my posts focused on relatives instead of my son's friends. In my husband's family, birthdays have always been celebrated in two parts. On the child's actual birthday, we have a family celebration with relatives. Then, on the following weekend, the birthday child has a separate celebration with their friends. That's the tradition both boys have grown up with, and they genuinely enjoy it. My son absolutely celebrated with his friends as well—it just wasn't relevant to my previous posts because all of the issues happened during the family celebration.

Our relationship timeline: Quite a few people also wondered how long after my husband's first wife passed away we met. She had passed away about 1 year and 5 months before we met. We dated for 15 months before getting married, and we've now been married for 16 months. Some people assumed our relationship started immediately after his loss, but that wasn't the case.

Now for the update.

After my son's birthday my husband's parents came with us to one of our therapy sessions.

I honestly expected it to turn into another argument, but it didn't.

Our therapist first explained why she had recommended that we use direct words like "died" and "death" when talking to my stepson instead of softer phrases like "passed away." She explained that children his age understand the permanence of death much better when adults use clear, direct language and that euphemisms can sometimes be confusing.

She also explained something that I hadn't really thought about before.

Because my stepson lost his mother so young, everyone around him naturally wanted to protect him from more pain. Between us, my husband's parents, and his late mother's parents, a lot of adults tried to soften the reality of what had happened. The therapist said that while those intentions came from love, constantly shielding a child from direct conversations about death can make it harder for them to fully understand that death is permanent.

That was one of the reasons she encouraged us to use clear language and answer his questions honestly in an age-appropriate way. She emphasized that helping a child understand the permanence of death isn't cruel—it's actually an important part of healthy grieving.

She also made it clear that this wasn't something I decided on by myself. It was advice we were given in therapy and had been following consistently

My husband's parents admitted they hadn't known that. They said they genuinely thought I was being insensitive

My husband then told his parents something that I think needed to be said.

He told them that if they ever have concerns about our younger one or about any parenting decision we make, he wants them to come directly to us instead of making assumptions.

He said he'd much rather have an uncomfortable conversation than have people filling in the blanks or believing someone else's version of events.

It was awkward at times. There were quiet moments. After the session they thanked us and left . No big emotional talk.

The session simply ended with everyone understanding each other's perspective a little better than before.

Since then, we've noticed small but meaningful changes

I’m glad they came. It feels like a small step, not a big change. We’re not expecting miracles.

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

Hi everyone. I wasn't planning on making another update, but a lot of people asked what happened after my husband's parents agreed to attend a therapy session with us

Birthday celebrations: A lot of people asked why my posts focused on relatives instead of my son's friends. In my husband's family, birthdays have always been celebrated in two parts. On the child's actual birthday, we have a family celebration with relatives. Then, on the following weekend, the birthday child has a separate celebration with their friends. That's the tradition both boys have grown up with, and they genuinely enjoy it. My son absolutely celebrated with his friends as well—it just wasn't relevant to my previous posts because all of the issues happened during the family celebration.

Our relationship timeline: Quite a few people also wondered how long after my husband's first wife passed away we met. She had passed away about 1 year and 5 months before we met. We dated for 15 months before getting married, and we've now been married for 16 months. Some people assumed our relationship started immediately after his loss, but that wasn't the case.

Now for the update.

After my son's birthday my husband's parents came with us to one of our therapy sessions.

I honestly expected it to turn into another argument, but it didn't.

Our therapist first explained why she had recommended that we use direct words like "died" and "death" when talking to my stepson instead of softer phrases like "passed away." She explained that children his age understand the permanence of death much better when adults use clear, direct language and that euphemisms can sometimes be confusing.

She also explained something that I hadn't really thought about before.

Because my stepson lost his mother so young, everyone around him naturally wanted to protect him from more pain. Between us, my husband's parents, and his late mother's parents, a lot of adults tried to soften the reality of what had happened. The therapist said that while those intentions came from love, constantly shielding a child from direct conversations about death can make it harder for them to fully understand that death is permanent.

That was one of the reasons she encouraged us to use clear language and answer his questions honestly in an age-appropriate way. She emphasized that helping a child understand the permanence of death isn't cruel—it's actually an important part of healthy grieving.

She also made it clear that this wasn't something I decided on by myself. It was advice we were given in therapy and had been following consistently

My husband's parents admitted they hadn't known that. They said they genuinely thought I was being insensitive

My husband then told his parents something that I think needed to be said.

He told them that if they ever have concerns about our younger one or about any parenting decision we make, he wants them to come directly to us instead of making assumptions.

He said he'd much rather have an uncomfortable conversation than have people filling in the blanks or believing someone else's version of events.

It was awkward at times. There were quiet moments. After the session they thanked us and left . No big emotional talk.

The session simply ended with everyone understanding each other's perspective a little better than before.

Since then, we've noticed small but meaningful changes

I’m glad they came. It feels like a small step, not a big change. We’re not expecting miracles.

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

My son turned 11 yesterday. It was better than last year, but still pretty awkward overall.

Most of the relatives we invited from my husband’s side actually showed up. It was clear they mainly came because they didn’t want to upset my husband after the ultimatum. They brought gifts for both boys and stayed polite, but the vibe was very “we’re here to keep the peace” rather than genuine warmth. Most of them kept interactions with my son short and surface-level while being more natural with my stepson.

We also invited my husband’s ex-in-laws, but they didn’t show up at all, which we expected.

After cake and presents, my husband pulled his parents aside for a private talk. He explained the therapist’s advice about using direct words like “died” and “death” so our stepson can properly understand what happened. He invited them to join us for a therapy session if they wanted. They agreed it made sense and said they’d think about coming.

Before everyone left, my husband and I thanked them all for showing up. We told them sincerely that it meant a lot to us that they came and were there for both boys.

I’m happy they showed up. I completely understand that my son and my stepson are not the same for them — I know they’ll always love their biological grandson more. That’s natural. I just want basic kindness and inclusion for my son, and yesterday was a step in the right direction.

My son had a decent day. He was happy about his gifts and that so many people came this year. He wasn’t ignored or left out like before, and he didn’t ask any heartbreaking questions. He did notice the difference in how people acted toward him, but he still went to bed smiling.

I have to say — my husband has been absolutely amazing through all of this. He’s stayed strong, protected both boys, held the boundary, and made sure our son still felt celebrated. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful, fair, and protective partner. He really is the rock of our family.

It feels like a lot of this is damage control on their part, but at least my son got to celebrate without feeling rejected. We’re keeping the boundary firm and taking the small progress where we can get it.

og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

My son turned 11 yesterday. It was better than last year, but still pretty awkward overall.

Most of the relatives we invited from my husband’s side actually showed up. It was clear they mainly came because they didn’t want to upset my husband after the ultimatum. They brought gifts for both boys and stayed polite, but the vibe was very “we’re here to keep the peace” rather than genuine warmth. Most of them kept interactions with my son short and surface-level while being more natural with my stepson.

We also invited my husband’s ex-in-laws, but they didn’t show up at all, which we expected.

After cake and presents, my husband pulled his parents aside for a private talk. He explained the therapist’s advice about using direct words like “died” and “death” so our stepson can properly understand what happened. He invited them to join us for a therapy session if they wanted. They agreed it made sense and said they’d think about coming.

Before everyone left, my husband and I thanked them all for showing up. We told them sincerely that it meant a lot to us that they came and were there for both boys.

I’m happy they showed up. I completely understand that my son and my stepson are not the same for them — I know they’ll always love their biological grandson more. That’s natural. I just want basic kindness and inclusion for my son, and yesterday was a step in the right direction.

My son had a decent day. He was happy about his gifts and that so many people came this year. He wasn’t ignored or left out like before, and he didn’t ask any heartbreaking questions. He did notice the difference in how people acted toward him, but he still went to bed smiling.

I have to say — my husband has been absolutely amazing through all of this. He’s stayed strong, protected both boys, held the boundary, and made sure our son still felt celebrated. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful, fair, and protective partner. He really is the rock of our family.

It feels like a lot of this is damage control on their part, but at least my son got to celebrate without feeling rejected. We’re keeping the boundary firm and taking the small progress where we can get it.

OG post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/04yHGAEyJ2

My husband’s parents came over for dinner. After dinner, they started a conversation about the ultimatum my husband had given them earlier. He had finally sat them down and asked why they blindly believe everything his ex-in-laws say about me.

They responded that they’ve “seen everything with their own eyes” and listed their issues with me:

That I’m too harsh and casual when talking about his mother’s death (e.g. saying “she died” or “she is dead” instead of using softer words).

That I’m careless, especially after their grandson had a small injury.

That I’m trying to erase his mother’s memory.

They also accused me of manipulating my husband about the cat. My stepson wanted a cat, but my husband said no because he felt it would be cruel to bring a pet home when we can’t give it proper care and attention. His parents tried to convince him to get one anyway. I didn’t even know there was any argument between him and his parents over this — I only knew that he had told my stepson “no” when he asked. Now they’re claiming I manipulated him into refusing.

My husband defended me and explained:

Our therapist specifically recommended we be direct and straightforward about his mother’s death so my stepson can learn the permanence of death at his age. That’s why I use clear wording — not just about his mom, but even when referring to my own late relative.

When he (my hubby)was a child, he got injured often (including breaking his arm once), but that didn’t mean his mother was careless.

He asked them: “Do you think I’m stupid or blind? If my wife was actually doing something wrong, don’t you think I would notice?”

The conversation turned into a big argument, especially over the cat issue.

I (35F) am in a loving blended family, but the extended family drama is crushing me. I have a wonderful 10-year-old son. My current husband (32M) lost his first wife 4 years ago and has a 7-year-old son. We’ve built a beautiful family of four. My husband treats both boys exactly the same, I do the same with my stepson, and the boys love each other like real brothers. We’re genuinely happy despite everything.

The problem is my husband’s ex-in-laws (his late wife’s parents). They constantly badmouth me and paint me as the “evil stepmom” — feeding every nasty stereotype (mean, neglectful, manipulative, jealous, etc.) to my husband’s parents and anyone who will listen. For example, after my stepson had a minor injury, they said things like “Stepmoms can never be real — why would she even care about him?” They accuse me of manipulating my stepson and try to turn everyone against me.

Every time they visit:

They completely ignore my son. No greetings, no conversation.

They bring gifts, toys, chocolates, and sweets only for their biological grandson.

When my kind-hearted stepson immediately shares everything with my son (as he always does), they get visibly annoyed, say things like “Why are you sharing with him? That’s for you only,” and even try to pull him away.

My husband has been solid and always says other people’s opinions don’t matter. He wanted to set a strong boundary earlier by announcing on my stepson’s birthday: “If you are family, then you are family to both kids. If that’s not possible, you are not family and not invited.” I stopped him because I thought a nice talk would work. I’ve been holding my husband back from taking any harsh steps in order to respect his ex-in-laws as they lost their daughter. I wanted to respect the memory of his late wife and give them time to adjust.

On my stepson’s birthday last year, his side of the family showed up with gifts and love. On my son’s birthday, almost no one came and the few who did showed up empty-handed. Gifts aren’t important to us as adults, but to a child it feels like rejection and being left out. My son was sad and has started asking me painful questions because of this exclusion, like why they don’t like him or what he did wrong, which breaks my heart. I have zero family on my side, so he doesn’t have that extended network. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m dreading it. I’d even be happy to buy gifts myself that they could give him if that makes it easier — I just don’t want him to feel left out again.

Recently after they left, my son refused to eat the chocolates or play with the shared toys. He quietly kept everything in his pockets and returned it all to me. That broke me.

I’m completely fine with them loving their biological grandson more — that’s natural. But the open hostility, exclusion of my son, and constant comments are painful.

Edit: I’ve finally stopped holding my husband back. He is now taking strict action and has given an ultimatum to his side of the family: either they are family to both kids or family to none.

AITA for supporting this hard line now (after previously trying to keep the peace)? Or should I still be trying to make nice for the sake of “family” and my husband’s late wife’s memory? I just want my son to feel included and loved on his birthday instead of rejected again.

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STRICTLY PLATONIC

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Hey everyone I am looking for someone I can text regularly and have easy conversation with

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It doesn't matter to me where are u from and what time it is

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If you are kind funny and mature person that's it

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We can chat Abt our daily life

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Hey everyone, just looking for someone to text and have easy, fun conversation with.

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Please mention little bit Abt yourself and ur asl

Hi everyone. I (35F) am in a really loving blended family but the extended family drama is crushing me emotionally and I need to vent/get advice.

I was previously in an abusive marriage (ex is in prison) and have a wonderful 10-year-old son. My current husband (32M) lost his first wife 4 years ago and has a 7-year-old son. We’ve built a beautiful family of 4. My husband treats both boys exactly the same, I do the same with my stepson, and the boys love each other like real brothers. Despite income differences we made arrangements that work and we’re genuinely happy. My husband is an amazing partner and father.

The problem is my husband’s ex-in-laws (his late wife’s parents). They’re constantly badmouthing me and creating a really bad image of me in my in-laws’ (husband’s parents) minds. They feed into all those typical nasty stereotypes about stepmoms — that we’re mean or wicked, never real moms, careless and neglectful with stepkids, manipulative, jealous, or just pretending to care. For example, after my stepson had a minor injury recently (nothing serious at all), they commented things like “Stepmoms can never be real — why would she even care about him?” They also accuse me of manipulating my stepson and keep trying to turn my husband’s parents against me whenever they can.

Every time they visit:

They completely ignore my son. No greetings, no conversation, nothing.

They bring gifts, toys, chocolates, and sweets only for their biological grandson.

When my stepson (who is kind-hearted) immediately shares everything with my son like he always does — whether it's chocolates, new toys, or anything else — they get visibly annoyed and say things like “Why are you sharing with him? Give him only one and come here. That’s for you only.” They even try to physically pull him away or make comments that make the sharing seem wrong.

My husband is solid — he always says other people’s opinions don’t matter, only what we think of each other, and I agree. He was going to talk to them and take strong action

My husband was going to announce on my stepson’s birthday: 'If you are family, then you are family to both kids. If that’s not possible, you are not family and not invited.' But I stopped him i thought things will change if he talk to them nicely

On my stepson’s birthday, their side of the family showed up with gifts and love. Last year on my son’s birthday, almost no one came, and the few who did showed up empty-handed. My son was sad. Gifts aren’t the point, but to a child it feels like rejection. I have zero family on my side — no parents, no siblings — so my son doesn’t have that extended love network.

My son’s birthday is coming up soon and I really want my in-laws (husband’s parents) to show up so he feels included and loved by his extended family too. I’d even be happy to buy gifts myself that they could give him if that makes it easier — I just don’t want him to feel left out again.

I’m completely fine with them loving their biological grandson more. That’s natural. But the open hostility, the exclusion of my son, and the constant comments are painful. Recently after they left, my son refused to eat any of the chocolates or play with the things his brother had shared. He quietly kept everything in his pockets and returned it all to me. That broke me.

Edit ... I have been holding back my husband from taking any strict action and trying to solve things nicely inorder to respect his late wife