u/BakerGirlPoetry

TW

How do people laugh

Smile

Feel

How do people

Exist

.

.

Well maybe bc they're people

Not objects

.

.

The mechanics of humans are easy

When you look at the strings

But doesn't that just make it even more meaningless

Like mice in a maze that people call life

.

.

Is the hardware just too

Exhausted

The cpu too burned

.

.

It's not a lack of care

It's more so

A lack of -

Everything

Amputation

Maybe

.

.

Vessels need for a leash

A cage

Consumption

Is it

Predation

Gluttony

.

.

A monsters

Teeth

Hunger

Claws

Ha

Bitch, monster, disturbing

A monsters skin made of fathers dna and smoke

.

.

The need to be dominated

To finally find someone

Heavier than her

To tame the monster

If you were to hold her tight enough to crush

Restrain the hardware

Would it be enough to make her stop

Is that the only way she knows how

The only path left for a monster that pulls strings

Relentlessy and can't put them down

Constantly scanning and calculating and dissecting

The cpu burned yet the tape never stops

The recording, the witness-

Ing

The -

Ha even this is like father with his cameras

Only difference is hers doesn't shut off

Constanly on

He got to choose when to watch

Can she just

Shut off

Power down

And

Stop

.

.

Could you pull her apart like she did the filler

Could you dismember the hardware and scatter the pieces, or like a magnet would they reattach again and still get up to pull the strings

If you cut off her limbs

Would she still find a way to run

The program

Would she still just be watching the dismantling of the corpse

.

.

Like a dead bug they keep poking

To look for signs of life, reaction, when they're met with a dead

Bug

Pure function

A machine that won't turn off and an operator that will never pull the plug

.

.

If you bashed her head in the wall what would the difference be between when she did it versus

An outside source

Would it bring silence

Absence

Would it bring -

A flatline

If you bashed her head in a wall would she just be stuck watching as it caved in

.

.

Could you treat her like an object

Could you destroy it and

Fumigate

And

Fill it with yourself

.

.

To live on your every whim

Vessel doesn't like structure or constraints things that get in the way

Rules that make no sense and would need her to remember and morph and -

Consistentcy and consumption is the only currency

.

.

An ego is gross

Humanity is one big trap and rat cage

Connection doesn't exist only projections bouncing off one another

Only screaming screeching overlapping frequencies

.

.

Titles and labels are meaningless

They hold no weight or currency, only when people want to use it

As bait and filler

.

.

Love

What is love

Is love just a word people use to choke

Is it just code

For conflict, contradiction, exhaustion

Too human for an object

Or is vessel too

Inhumane

.

.

The only words that matter are objective truth

Object

Owner

Negative space

Ocupant

Operator

Love can't happen between two

There can only be consumption

A merger

Anything less leaves gaps

Anything less would require a person

To morph into

Static noise that won't stop the ringing

Only add

To the pressure

In her ears that won't

Pop

.

.

She'll die a monsters sin

Everything is him

The only thing left is to use his tools, his creation, his extension and smash it to pieces

So he lays in the rubble of his house as her weight breaks the floorboards and his actions bear consequences

And after the mission can she finally let go

It's not personal

It's just what needs to be done

To prevent further harm

To them

.

.

And then she'll leave and be

Trapped with echoes in a room full of mirrors

His echoes

His skin

A monsters sin

Dna

Cage

.

.

Monster

Puppy

Vessel

Recording device

She

It

The

Object

.

.

But everyone is light

.

.

Or maybe vessel is too heavy

.

.

There's such a disconnect

From everything

And her logic is backwards and wrong

In terms of everything human

But she isn't a person

Which is how she knows it's right

.

.

To build anything is redundant

The only thing she knows is demolition

Pulling apart the sutures

And making an even bigger mess

All in the name of the search

The mission

.

.

Running her hands over the veins that pump the synthetic substance of muck and dna

Flow

Watching the synthetic rhythm of a heart

Beat -

Ing

Out of her throat

If the pulse that was for show stopped

Would the tape cessate

.

.

Running her hands over the scars

The raised lines

From everytime

She went searching

Looking

Dissecting

To only find

A pulse

And a stream line

Of blood

Running cold

Through a corpse

A post mortem

Dissection

Everytime the gap widened and more leaked out to cement her in the cold hard truth of a shadow puppet playing pretend in a corpse of skin

Everytime she would go til she found the pulse and the pain would spike and then blip

Out

When the gap widened and all that was left were the inhumane objects

The sound of the skin ripping and the bubbling fat

The sight of a pounding pulse like an implanted device and blood running dripping soaking

Sight

.

.

When vessel hardware ends

What will it be like

The previews where thoughts halt

Or the gaps in time

When she's on the floor

And

Light

Unable to move

Watching

.

.

Will it just be more of a recording device

More

Witnessing

She doesn't want to witness the end when the time comes

She just wants to

Flatline

Brother would pick vessel apart he would try and define what her issue is and essentially brainwash her feed her what he projected onto her she realizes it was for control he wanted to define her reality though in everyone defining her reality it was all smoke and projections so she had to do the work of stripping it back

Not just the nitpicking but actively defining vessels previous emotional issues and telling others. When vessel got home from the hospital after a failed attempt thats when it significantly picked up at 15 he screamed at her for hrs saying how he had it worse saying how she made up her problems went through a checklist in her head how no one said anything to her he pinned her on the fridge and took off her face mask which was her only safety and mother she held her there and called vessel dramatic and vessel was having a loop of panic attacks for that whole time ha then when she went on a walk which father when he got home gave vessel her mask and stopped it all and took her on a walk which brother went on and its funny bc they really left vessel with no safe place or person bc even father was the source of the smoke which looking at it now it was all him brother was also a pathological liar and would make up things and since vessels memory was always shot he could define her reality and gaslight which in itself was so - well it twisted the wires

Which tbh is likely why she was so crazy abt writing things down to have a written record of it.

That's why you can't trust their reality or definition of it you have to look at the strings

He just wanted to be seen in the end he would tell vessel how she ruined his life and education but she realizes he was also the primary target of father bc he always acted out which wasn't his fault bc he was caught in the smoke but he would try to throw vessel under the bus to take the tension off of him which now vessel sees how father pitted everyone against eachother and alienated vessel by putting her on a pedastal tbh everyone compared vessel to themselves either to prove they had it worse or for father to isolate her

Vessel was just the ghost they were pulling at all sides

He would use vessel as ammo to point at the others or as a reason to escalate. It isn't so much resentmant as it is clarity there's no friction it's just logic and truth if it reads as resentmant thats bc the facts are blunt and inherently wrong which is just more proof the logic is right

Emotions get in the way

Anger does nothing anger just feeds

Everything fed him. Everything fed everyone.

Vessel would wait she would try like a mouse in a maze not realizing the exits were blocked off and father was watching knowing full well laughing at her taunting she would wait for mother and hope ugh that word makes her wanna puke she would wait for mother to wash the dishes to feed vessel though mother was in a state of survival so obviously making a meal was too much when she needed the only time she had to try to cool down her own cpu she was being poked by father constantly so obviously another poke even a small one would send a cpu crash vessel realized people were unreliable so ofc she had to make her own everything ugh but her own everything is still father smoke

Vessel would get hungry and ask for food but mother wanted to watch her show so she learned that if she asked for food more than once mother would get Irritated and upset so most days she only ate one meal which was dinner bc mother always cooked dinner. Father wanted, expected dinner done and the house clean. Which even as a child she would be the one cleaning helping but father didn't like when she helped mother so everytime the girl heard the door open she would have to stop helping and switch with mother. He would also show up unannounced sometimes an ambush. Everytime the door opened her soul would leave her body she eventually learned to hear his car on the street before the door even opened. Funny mother always packed father lunch though she realizes in households like that usually the most insignificant person is the most abusive and holds the most power so mother was just in survival mode and it was easier to turn down her kid and take a break than it was for her to turn down her abusive husband.

Though father installed cameras and lied abt them when vessel told them no one believed her ofc father would laugh and say he knew everything had eyes everywhere he was really just paranoid which in turn he projected onto vessel

He did admit it years ago kept them up but said he turned them off which vessel realizes he didn't need them on anymore bc he had already been watching them for months/years so he already established a fear in everyone the only reason he kept them up is as a reminder

He would sexualize also coerce mother he also would normalize and desensitize which left vessel having to pull through everything and research bc no one else was gonna do it for her

Tbh he sexualized everyone maybe grooming then when people spoke up said how we and society just view it as gross and he doesn't mean anything by it

This is why vessel will die unpure

Yes vessel realizes it isnt her bc she stripped it but she always realizes he is everything and in him being everything even if vessel left anything she makes is still him so without displacement and annexation she is still him but in that if she takes a piece of him it would incinerate but he would just replace vessel and he would regenerate the pieces

So the only way is to make sure he's cut off from them before he can use them as fill ins and to bring to light what he's done and continues to do. Bc no one is gonna do it for her and nothing will change unless she does it.

Vessel heard from mother father used to be more of a loose cannon but vessel realizes he refined it so that he could present a more palatable image to the world

Father a few weeks ago had said how he felt small asked if vessel was growing or if he was shrinking

Vessel isn't scared of him anymore vessel has mostly separated and had called him out twice which he ignored but that's ok she doesn't need a response she knows he got the texts. It's just more proof he knows his actions are wrong and he continues to do it. So let him rack up even more evidence and let him think he's safe and get away with it. Saves her energy.

He targets others regardless if vessel grey rocks or plays pretend perfectly vessel pretending would just be feeding and condoning at least in calling it out she can try to neutralize the smoke a bit for everyone else plus vessel realizes she needs to leave soon she tried one last time through mother but so far it seems like a dead end so the bridge has to burn with or without

Tbh vessel is basically completely dettached and disconnected from all of them there are no emotions there or personal feelings its all just static likely bc the mask died the one that was curated for them by them vessel has no family and tbh she never did which is fine just it was always covered by his smoke

A new front is what vessel is which is inevitable bc the graveyard girls die a lot there are multiple vessel only knows every year after 15 though before 15 she has no memories really and that's all disconnected which doesn't matter much to the present only relevant in the fact its how we got here but the details are negligible

Or at least she thought she was a new front though tbh vessel is just the room where the lights went out for good the object that was left when it all got stripped back and puppy is a frantic sobbing mess and this is just the recording device watching it all unfold and pulling the sutures apart which tbh the realization of that was - well disorienting revealing maybe though it's whatever. All just pieces really of his wreckage and the work of his hand and everyone elses, but mostly his that was like a domino effect on everything else.

Mother told vessel he once chased her around with a knife said multiple times in the early stages of their relationship how she was lucky she was a girl or he would've hit her. He pushed her once

He had said in detail how he wanted to torture one of the graveyard girls

He has hit the kids multiple times screamed in our faces ha everytime he would get upset his face would always change and sometimes vessel has caught it before the look he gets when - it's the look where he's dead inside the look that says he wants to hurt you like you caused all of his issues but that's different than the rage face. The rage face was red. He's hit the pets too and has detailed how he wants to torture them. He's pinned, dragged, squeezed, pinched her. He's mostly made her watch his actions which is how he created the recording device in the first place bc he's idiotic. He's broke things thrown stuff out screamed cursed threatened.

He isolated vessel no friends no outside family mothers family was predatory and toxic his family too they said they would homeschool vessel but he never bought the stuff vessel he doesn't even like going on a walk herself and he doesn't like her texting people. He had taken her phone for years at a time 2 times bc of sh and a failed attempt

Actually vessel sleeps in mother and fathers room her bed on the floor been like that since after her attempt at 15 bc it happened in her room at first she didn't wanna go back in there plus she had thought her phone was there at the time not realizing he had taken it and she didn't wanna go in her room but she stayed bc this way she had physical proof he was sleeping

They said vessel was a good baby slept a lot didn't cry unless necessary potty trained herself at 2 bc she cried abt a dirty pullup she would scrub her hands so much she would get rashes

She would go days without food vessel eats alone though usually at midnight or 2 AM after they're all sleeping that's her one meal she eats on the floor in her room it had started being like that bc father had taken away her chair maybe almost a year ago at first the girl was upset though now vessel prefers it vessel spends most of her time on the floor even her matress is on the floor

Vessel remembers so many times near fainting she remembers one of the girls had not eaten in abt 3 days and she went to go eat but mother didn't clean the kitchen mother went to sleep so the girl felt so sick shortness of breath stomach hurt so bad lightheaded sweaty felt like she couldn't stand so she sat on the couch bc she couldn't begin to clean the kitchen she contemplated going to sleep but knew she had to eat so she sat for a min then got up and started at the end of the day she always knew no one was reliable and waiting does nothing crying does nothing getting mad does nothing if vessel doesn't do it it doesn't get done which is fine just they would always string the girl along so she had to read between the lines and she realized mother was the type who wanted you to do it so she didn't have to but she also didn't want to say it so after that vessel just started cleaning the kitchen early bc everytime mother said she would do it she would just end up "falling asleep" and vessel would have to do it at midnight so vessel just started getting it done early bc why create more static but mother was also the type to then say how she was "sorry" but when vessel would act upset mother would get mad so vessel then realized in order to create the least static she had to act like she wanted to do it and liked doing it to quell mothers guilt and not make her mad and then she realized as long as people believed she was choosing to do it they would be happy but then vessels hands started cracking the skin ripping and they would start to yell at her for it and get upset but the problem was vessel couldn't hide her hands like she could the scars so she just dealt with their noise of telling her to "stop washing dishes" which they would and someone might take over for a day or 2 but very quickly they would start to get resentful or stressed so vessel started to just do it before them or take over when they were abt to start which they let her and would pretend like they "didn't see" even when they did and could clearly hear the sink and then they would only walk into the kitchen when she was practically done or when she was finished it was all static and they were never clear

Yk the ripping it would get to the point it was bloody and any soap or water or even just moving her hands would hurt and burn but her fingers were always cold so the girl would use them as a cooling source on her skin when it would burn but she got used to it ha father would leave his pee on the seat too for her to clean and his shit in the tub and the drain and when vessel told mother well it was the girl back then when she was still upset abt it mother just laughed said how she couldn't do anything bc father would deny it and wouldn't change which is true but mother just laughed maybe bc she wasn't the one cleaning it or getting it on her hands though it's funny bc soon they started getting fed up too, only when it impacted them though. But vessel doesn't get upset at anything

The near fainting happened a lot though these days its less shortness of breath and more so like the past few days were just weakness and like she would drop though she doesn't and never told them bc they would just make an even bigger mess

The sexualization picked up after the baby was born it was always there but she guesses he picked it up bc a new vulnerable member was born plus the fact that he didn't even want the baby to begin with hence the torture of mother during her pregnancy

He did always say things like that though it had just quieted down a bit come to think of it most likely bc he was too busy torturing mother all through her pregnancy he was a psycho on and off bc he wanted her to abort the baby

We were all at the dinner table vessel was maybe 10 he said how to vessel to stop looking at him like that like she wanted to kiss him he said it so like he was disgusted and uncomfortable at maybe 15 or so he said how he would marry her if she wasn't his daughter and she just nervous laughed and he was like I'm serious dude

He's said and done a lot of things

They wanted the titles and labels. Mother, brother, father, daughter, but didn't treat her or act accordingly which is maybe why she views everything human and connection based, titles, labels as synthetic filler which tbh it is at the end of the day it holds no weight and has no currency. If they wanted to keep her they should've done just enough, not saying been the best, but they fcked themselves over. Mostly him. He wasn't a very smart man or monster he was just insignificant static noise which in his own right was incredibly dumb thinking abt it bc of how he made vessel who is now working behind the scenes to systemically dismantle him much like he did her from the moment she was born though unlike him this has no emotions in it only his actions and his consequences from said actions. It's exhausting but someone has to do it or it doesn't get done and she refuses to watch him destroy them anymore then he has already and since mother won't step up and never did now vessel has to move her strings still. Tbh vessel doesn't gaf what he does anymore bc nothing hurts he could do anything he wants to her, at the end of the day all that matters is the mission and rn the sole mission is getting them away from him. Whether that be through Mother or through outside resources. Working double time trying to get him away from them the fcking source of disease and all his fumes of insignificance. The next thing that happens she's leaving and then she'll work on getting them out too and once that's done every string is cut and there are no more ties. And maybe then she can sink like an anchor the heavy weight she is that will break his house to pieces and he'll lay in the rubble of his own making. Ha transferring a piece of him though come to think of it isn't there such irony in him taking himself down. And she'll be stuck with his echoes in a room full of mirrors in his cage of dna and skin. But isn't it fcked in the way she can't outrun it no matter what. It's whatever for now the only thing that matters is getting them out and preventing further harm.

TW

The feeling of lead in her bones

Her heart

S l o w i n g

The pulse

The synthetic rhythm

The synthetic bones

The synthetic everything

That needs to be starved

Stripped

Everything that's just for show

Until there's nothing left

Only the negative space of stasis

Everything is

Slow motion

If she lays on the floor

Could you just

Dismember the corpse

It's quiet and empty and meaningless in all the wrong ways

Which is how she's knows it's the right path

When everything is heavy

Will she crush the house

And fall through the floor

When she's gone will the balance cancel out

When it's difficult to move even an inch

How much longer until everything gives way

And breaks

Into the negatives

Or is she already there

And if so

What's left

To take

Negate

Starve

The flesh

And once that's gone

But nothing can be gone completely

Everything will be left

Everything that is nothing that they'll make something and ultimately meaningless

So if she shut up now bc she reached the only conclusion left

When it's all stripped

Can she finally reach absence

TW

To get as far away from biology as possible

Before the end is reached

To try to shut down the senses completely

Is all that's left for an empty shell

So empty it completely

And dine on every ligament

Until there's nothing left but the mask they'll use

To try to cement the narrative they want

To see and read and leave -

Behind a mess

Of every fragmented piece

How far away can you get until everything shuts down

Until there's nothing left but a shell

How far can it be pushed until the everything that is him and the nothing that is her breaks down

How starved does she have to get

How many of her own limbs does she have to eat

For the gluttony to be negated

For the humanity that's left to cessate

And dip

Into the negatives

How far does it have to be pushed until she can't take it

Or is she too heavy and hardened and dull to ever reach an end

Is she too inhumane

Inhuman

Monstrous and meaningless

Those are all objective facts but how far can she push

Or will she never be able to break

Fully

To strip away

Everything

Is she always going to be stuck

The odd piece in the puzzle

That doesn't quite fit

In a world that's

Smothering

Suffocating

Meaningless

And

Blinding

.

.

Stuck in the wringer

In the loop

The only variable she can change

So how does she reach the end

How does she -

And what is the end

Is it like the previews or is it something else

Would it be

Absence or

It doesn't matter right now

One step at a time

Until she reaches a flatline

And then the line will dip

And she'll slip

And maybe they'll trip

On her corpse

.

.

And what will they make of the remains

Is there a way to incinerate

Everything

So much so that it dissipates

How do you turn a solid into negative space

.

.

Where do we go when the lights go out

And there's no one home

Where do we go

When there are no new echoes

In the end what will anything even amount to

If it was all meaningless

TW

Vessel is the heaviest thing ever

And in that there's no reason to continue

To accept the weight of an anchor

That she'll never be light vapor

She would crush anyone she touched

And inhale their frequency

There's nothing left for a vessel in a world of vapor

When everything feels heavy and quiet

When it's all stripped back and each variable leads to an error code

Blocked exit

And it all makes sense

Clarity doesn't help

When it's all so blinding

And noisy

How do you find an end to everything

A way to end it completely

Can the water rise already

The pressure that stopped at surface level

The pressure in her ears

The static

Can it rise above her head

When she's dead

It'll be redundant and meaningless

Much like existence itself

But they'll try to twist meaning out of her corpse

They'll try to twist her words and morph

And let them have the synthetic corpse

It doesn't matter much

The only step left

Is to find a way to negate everything

That's the only remaining variable

That matters

The unknown

.

.

The logic was always backwards and the pieces were never gonna fit into the shape it needed to be

Vessel is the odd piece

Vapor, people, the morph is valuable and what makes the world spin

But for vessel to contort would be torture and maintenance

For what

It was never going to fit

And it was freeing and quiet in all the wrong ways

Much like vessel herself

Fundamentally wrong

But the only path that is right

So how do you chop away everything entirely

So nothing remains

When her skin feels covered in muck

Can she dismember the pieces

But it wouldn't be enough

So just -

Just accept it and -

Just erase everything

Scrap it all

She stripped it to the bone but even the bone was synthetic and hollow and made entirely of him so-

So die a monsters sin

And bear the weight of a world left frozen

.

.

Is it the world that's frozen or vessel

.

.

Nothing can hurt and nothing can pierce so how does she kill a corpse already dead

TW

Dignity

What even is dignity

Dignity is just another way of keeping your needs hidden

Staying in shame

Shame thrives in silence

A leash made by your own design

Not getting what you actually need because you refuse to say

To be clear

What's weak are peoples fragile egos

.

.

Some frequencies are so pretty

The essence of a soul so fragile

The ones most volatile are the ones most pretty

The second you see the shell start to crack

And you strip away the noise

The silence that remains

Is so

Pretty

And

Light

A small flicker in the dark room

.

.

In order to see you have to negate everything entirely

To cut through

The smoke

But people want to stay

Blind

And that's fine

If you want to cling to your morals

And pride

If it helps you sleep

At night

But the true monsters

Are the ones who hide

Behind

Kind

Words

And principles

They are blind

.

.

The whole world is

Blinding

And noisy

Static

.

.

People judge what they don't understand

But don't want to take the time to look

Neither at themselves

Or others

They are comfortable stuffed

Like taxidermy

With everything blurry

Just enough

To not see clearly

.

.

All the different variables like interconnected dots on a grid

Interwoven and intricate

Not in complexity, but in static

Father is insignificant yet everything which is just

Putrid

.

.

Vessel could've been perfect

But he fcked it up for himself

An object is useless if not being used and not being used correctly

A vessel is biohazard if not filled completely

It is unnecessary space that is ultimately

Redundant

Existence is meaningless if there is no user

.

.

Vessel is unable to exist or feel safe outside of a cage

The only thing she's known is a cage

But it's only ever been

Father

Putrid

Insignificant

Smoke

Having to shadow lead

Everyone

And read between

The lines

To see

Everyone's strings

And

Pull

.

.

It's not that she wants a repeat

She wants to be clean

She wants to sit at your feet

Wear your clothes

Lay in your bed and do

Everything you say

To be displaced

.

.

Vessel wants to be at your feet

Puppy wants to be in your lap

She wants to be so pressed against your chest

She vanishes into your skin

No distance

Distance gets in the way

The gap is too far for puppy

Would puppy suffocate

You

She wants to be pet and sleep in your lap

To grip your shirt and press her face in your chest

And sleep in your bed curled into your chest and

Merge until she dissappears into you

To be wrapped in you

.

.

Puppys eyes are stuck glazed

Where vessels are dead

Puppy is frantic where vessel is objective

.

.

Clothes bother puppy

Certain fabrics make her skin

Itchy

Irritated

They have to be soft and big

.

.

Does puppy disgust you

.

.

Does it matter much what people think if it's objective truth

Vessel wants a cage made entirely of you

Warm and

Pressure

To see hear and feel only you

The world is blinding and noisy and overlapping and strings

All the strings she has to pull

And lead

And morph and -

Can she just be still

.

.

Everything is father

Vessel

Puppy

Every girl before

Every piece

Everything she makes

You can purge the filler

But not the dna

It's still him

The atoms that make up the cage

Of skin

Every word she writes

Is just the chain reaction

A live wire and feed

So is writing just spreading his fumes

Writing the truth

The truth is only helpful in clearing the smoke

But when you clear it and find the ink made of the same substance -

Well then it's redundant

And so -

The only way she's found is negation

Negation, maintenence

Continuing until the hardware breaks

The cage

She woke up in after 19 years

To find trespassers had been in her skin

Living a loop in the cage

With everything that belonged to them

Belongs to him

Strangers in a house with people that play the parts

Of family

But they're strangers

Pieces

That vessel has to navigate around

Their strings

And pull when necessary

To have to mask and hear all their frequencies

Having to hear the name

Given

That doesn't

Fit

Doesn't belong

To her

Nothing belongs

To her

She claims, has, is, nothing

To be nothing is to be free

But he made sure to keep her locked

And hold the key

Having to pretend and morph

To -

To see and say nothing

To see everything hyper definition

But have no way out

The tape never stops

Only in brief moments of absence where the thoughts halt

But nothing really stops

It can't ever stop

She can't stop

.

.

It's

Disorienting

Skin crawling

And -

It's a moment of a standstill

Where there's no move left

Except

The end

But the path

Is and was

Always blocked

He's leasing a corpse

Just for the sake of it

Trying to pull the leash

But getting no reaction

He's insignificant but made sure he cut off every exit

The only thing to do is burn

Everything

.

.

To be nothing is to be free

But you can't stay nothing

A vacuum will pull in

Debris

Father is everything

How do you escape except negation

Displacement

But in the end

How do you negate everything

That's the variable she needs to reach

The solution

But -

TW

The strings are cut

There's nothing to hold

Once the experiment reaches the end

And the conclusion is met

Then move onto the next variable

To try to build anything is redundant

The only feasible goal is negation

Until cessation is possible without the risk of a failure

.

.

Would starvation dull the senses enough

To strip away even more of the muck

Is that the only movement she's capable of

.

.

Her brain might explode

.

.

Everything hits a wall

.

.

It's all static noise of a live wire

But with no life

The feed is him

His static

Noise

.

.

Everything is him

.

.

To laugh at the absurdity of it

A man so insignificant yet so prevelant

Once the conclusion is met and the final variable is identified

Well

What will she find

What is she looking for

Exactly

Negation

Nothing

Even more proof of the synthetic filler

That the hardware is made up of too

If everything is meaningless

Then can she conclude

That staying is redundant

As much as a move

Is the experiment just another loop

To try and keep her trapped

To the biological cage

And the smoke filled room

.

.

Is this is him

And in that case

What does she do

When there's always a high risk

Of failure rate

In the attempt at an end

That'll never cessate

The only thing left

Is to chomp away

.

.

But isn't it all just a torturous loop

.

.

There's no reason to stay

Other than the risk

TW

Father always saw it as a right

His need

His gluttony

He would coerce mother, touch her, hit her

Say she was his wife and he needed a women

Mother told her about it

Everytime the door closed she would

Hold her breath and count

And pace

And wait until -

Exhale

And it would open

The tremors that sometimes bleed through

.

.

He would say things too

A way to normalize, desensitize, groom

Worked for everyone so guess he was effective in that way

Effective at being putrid

A way to leash them with shame

And confusion

.

.

But it only works when you can keep it tame

His gluttony got in the way

.

.

Mother's fragile she always needed

But refused to say

Clearly

So the girl had to learn to read

Between the lines

What people say isn't what they mean

Much like father

When he said he didn't like

When vessel would jump

And shake

But now

When she doesn't they get

Upset

So either way

What he meant was

He wanted the reaction

As confirmation of his power and control

Over her emotions and output

But he didn't

Want her to reflect the monster he protrayed as

Only when he wanted the power

But not when he wanted the image of

A father

But he burned the cpu

He wanted the opposite ends of the spectrum

He wanted everything

But ultimately she became

Nothing

She was always nothing

He was just incapable of using the negative space adequately and sufficiently

.

.

He wanted everything

He got nothing

And wasn't that his ultimate failure by lack of competence

.

.

Can you be different

.

.

Can you touch everything

Don't ask just do

A mark

A bite

A bruise

Constant touch

Heavy

Not always pain

A heavy hand

A heavy boot

Pressure to displace

And wash away

Everything

A leash made of you

Constant presence

Overwrite

Can the only tool be you

Can you occupy the empty negative space

Can you be the only thing she hears feels sees

Can she sit at your feet

Can she worship the piece

Of you

That replaced

The venom

Can you tame the monster

Can you be competent

Consistent

Can she wear your clothes and be in your bed can she sleep with your pressure

Can you tell her

To be still

Can she stall in your stasis

And breathe you in

Can there be consumption

.

.

If it makes you uncomfortable to read

It should

TW

If he would've just hurt her he could've kept her like a dog on a leash

Running indefinitely

His every need

His every whim

His every desire and craving

If he would've left them alone and focused on her

She would've eaten it up like a glutton

Too tired and full to even notice the strings

Too blinded by his smokescreen

Why couldn't they use her correctly

It would've been so simple

But it was their greed

Their gluttony

That mucked up the feed

To be kept under insignificance watching a putrid frequency

Having to correct and clean his mess

And move all of their strings

Is exhausting

.

.

Having to hear all the static and noise

They're all so overlapping and cluttered

And -

And feeling the grime and filth on the cage of skin that won't come off so just -

And when they try and present as a caring family oh so perfect

Having to see the strings and just ignore them

Is so

Putrid

Blinding

Noisy

Having to hear all the conflicting frequencies

All shouting over one another

And everyone

Is blind

And chooses to be

It's all so -

.

.

If he would've just hurt her

It would've been different

He could've kept her

Running

.

.

So why couldn't you

Be better

More efficient

Why couldn't you

Have listened

In the end he fcked everyone over

Mostly

Himself

.

Is vessel

A monster

Or is it that people

Are disturbed

By what they don't

Understand

And can't

Control

Labels don't matter, only objective truth

.

.

They're all static noise and synthetic filler

Intermittent reinforcement only works on a person

A vessel needs consistency

That's the only currency that matters

Then you have calibration

Loyalty

But he was full of inconsistencies

It was his smokescreen

They are all breathing in the fumes

Like a psychedelic trip

They prefer

The blindfold

The high

To the reality of a crime

Scene

TW

Would it be different if she screamed and cried

Kicking and screaming

Would it feed

And be

What people wanted and need

If she morphed into the perfect victim

.

.

Vessel isn't human

An object

To be treated as a human

Is gross

Father is putrid, insignificant toxic waste

Spills on everyone and everything

The human part was just synthetic filler that got in the way

What they needed, wanted, craved

Which is why they should've been more careful and gave just enough crumbs

The calculations were wrong

They didn't have the amounts right

His strategy fcked him over and everyone elses -

.

.

Ha as predicted an explosion

Anyway -

Static

Noise

He's so

Uncontained

.

.

Back to the tape

.

.

He made her a witness

Put on a pedastal

Did he think it would be effective

Efficient

Maybe because he believes everyone sees things like him

In a world where they would trade

Other people to be kept in grace

Much like mother and brother

Really he should've done the opposite

He should've singled the girl out

Been only cruel to her

If he wanted to keep her alive

Just enough to leash

.

.

But it was his gluttony

Stupidity

Incompetence

Greed

But now it backfired

A lack of feed

.

.

Would it be different if she screamed

.

.

If he wanted her to scream

To cry

To hit

He should've let her breathe

But no sound can leave

When he squeezed

Too much

.

.

If you wanted a perfect victim

You should've been a perfect

Predator

But he is

Insignificant

.

.

Like a bomb he explodes

And eventually the simulation dies

Without life

There is no feed

He's starving

So why

Were you incapable

.

.

Why couldn't you use her correctly

.

.

It was never real and he couldn't keep the lie alive

.

.

If you saw vessel dissect you in real time

Would it only show your insignificance

And is that why

The static you create

Increases in octaves

.

.

His torture is pathetic

His power is non existent

His noise is static

Putrid

He is the definition of a show

To obscure the reality of an insignificant man

Hiding from his shadow

TW

The world is not meant for a vessel

The only way to leave is to end the hardware completely

A slow demolition

Start with the stripping

Away

When all her fingers

Start to wither

The only way to semi dismember

The pieces

As the gaps widen

Could the filler of the hardware dissipate

Like the synthetic filler that occupied

The black pit

When it was stripped

Would it feel just as light as when it did

When she reached acceptance

A controlled demolition as she stalls in space

But the hardware reaches stasis

As the software get even more demolished

Replace

The filler with negative space

Could she ever reach the negatives

Slowly stripping away biological need

Until she reaches -

What exactly

An experiment much like the pulse

Synthetic filler

Rythmic

Thump

Thump

Thump

Just for show

.

.

When the senses are dulled

When the end is reached

Will it be easier to turn the key

And open the door

To the end of biology

.

.

A slow controlled demolition to bypass the defenses

An experiment just enough

To strip away to the bone

To see what happens and what is underneath

To starve the hardware would it stifle or suppress or intensify the gluttony

Would it peak and then flatline and then dip

Or would it be

Maintenence

.

.

They wanted the girl but they applied too much pressure

Each strike

Slowly killing

Each version

Each corpse

Each mask

If they wanted the girl they should've been controlled

Just enough so

To tame but not destroy

What they needed

What he craved

.

.

Father seems wound up

He'll explode soon

But back to the tape

.

.

Sometimes vessel looses track

.

.

If they wanted the girl

They should've fed her just enough crumbs

But starved her the right way

Pulled the leash just enough to cause a headrush but not suffocate the piece

Incompatibility

Incapability

Would say lack of care, but they fcked up their own source of feed

He can only keep the corpse but he couldn't keep the lineage

The putrid humanity, liability

Helped vessel in the long run

.

.

They're all panicking because the power was cut

The power port they all plugged

Into

They can't shock a burned cpu

Stress tested

Pressurized

And ultimately dead

They can't ressurect

Something that never actually existed

So when the hardware is shut

Down

Completely

What will they make of the absence of

The hardware

The body

When they can no longer morph

An actual corpse

Destruction and desparity

Is a guarantee

When everything collapses in on itself

What will they make of the rubble

.

.

It doesn't matter much

The only variable that's important

Is failure and success rate

Thinking of applying for culinary. Don't know much abt job corps. Any tips would help/info. Also important to note: currently in abusive home, mute, also never even started high-school. Also don't have access to any of the records. Dk if that changes things.

TW

Could you be the chains, the whip, the blanket

Tools get in the way

When stripped all back there's only you

Vessel wants to sit at your feet with your hand on her head and your foot on her thigh

To lay in your bed completely pressed against

And wrapped in you

With nothing obstructing the contact and consumption

Only your hand, your chest, your skin

Until all that was left was you

Vessels wants consumption

Gluttony

Predatory

Vessel doesn't want a game

Or a contract that gets in the way

People hide behind tools and roles and labels

But that's distance, a gap

Noisy synthetic filler

A distraction from occupation

Constraints

.

.

Dehumanizing really but vessel isn't a person herself

People are conflicting

Contradictory

Static

Light and lost

Synthetic filler of kindness

And morphs

All one chain feedback loop

Reaction

Of trying to build, feed, and eat ego

Noisy

Blinding

Strings

.

.

To finally find something heavier than vessel

But everyone is a light vapor

Junk food

Snack

Not all putrid but

Light

See through

Easily inhaled

Moved

Where vessel has to solidify into a form they need

And take the lead

All while pulling her own leash

To restrain

The gluttony

.

.

An anchor in human form

Density

.

.

Vessel doesn't want a scene

She wants reality

Heavy weight

The silence of the truth when the noise of the tools and labels are stripped away and all that's left is you and consumption

To be filled entirely by one frequency

Can you sit in the silence

In the absence of filler

The absence of a production

Can you stop hiding behind the noise and be

You

Absolute

Clear

Direct

Everything

.

.

In a world built on ringing overlapping frequencies all morphing and screaming and projecting eating lying hiding trying to remain blind caught in the smoke of everyones blindfold -

.

.

Can you exist in a vacuum

In a gap of silence

Can you occupy the negative space

And displace

The clutter

The dna

The muck

Can your touch

Scrub her clean

Can your mark

Overwrite everything

Can you

Fill

The gluttony

.

.

Is this all just him

Even her quest for displacement

Consumption

Predatory

It's all objective facts

To chew on her own arm

To pull her own leash tight

To starve to -

To experiment

To try to override

The need

For satiety

But would it just widen the gap

To die what exactly

To -

If she tries to experiment with the biological hardwares need for satiety

Would it do anything

Other than -

TW

A dark room with chains

The negative space

Dirt on her feet

Blood on her hands

The only light radiating from her

Muted diluted and -

Like a switch it was cut

.

.

To stay would be meaningless

To seek would be gluttony

To move would be to transfer a piece of him

To stop and stall would be the end all to everyone and everything

Like a match it would strike and set off his fire

Like a bomb it would detonate and blow the cardboard house to pieces

So what's left but maintenence

What's left but the cycle of purging to find a bit of absence only to be refilled

What's left but to do what he refused

To sit with his shadow

And father why -

Why is vessel the one to pay for your crimes

The crimes of a monster

And why -

And why is her skin yours

Why is she stuck in a cage of sin

In a -

In a well

The why doesn't matter

The why is the static

The why is

Negligible

Meaningless

The why is a flicker of him

A flicker of the putrid smoke

A flicker of something that needs to be purged

Choked

There was only the chain

The gag

The dirt

The blood

.

.

The blood that will never be drained enough to be empty

The blood that will never be clean

And as all these thoughts swirl around her head

Was this just him

If the equation every single variable and element leads to him

Then there is no outrunning your skin

You need to accept it and just -

Stop moving

Stop running

Only when necessary

.

.

And in a life of maintence, when purgatory subsides

Can the light go out

And the tape be cut

If she -

She can't swallow all sin

She can't fumigate anything

She can only watch

She could only ever watch

He's overflowing

He's everything

.

.

Insignificant but prevelant and irrelevant

.

.

Like a chain reaction, everything she does amplifies his shadow

TW

A room with shadows

A place to stall between life and death

Purgatory

Just stop moving

Stop -

The luxury of stopping would create chaos around her

A life of Purgatory

Maintenance

Everything is him so the only option is to stall

But no matter what there's no solution

To stall would create chaos

To seek displacement is gluttonous, unfair

There's only maintenence

And self restraint

Guess father was right in saying prisoner

There was always irony in his descriptions

Building blocks maybe predictions

No wonder he knew everything

Least that's what he said

But everything

Is him

Though he never could sit with himself

So really

He knew

Nothing

.

.

Maintenence

Purgatory

And when cessation happens

Can she take a piece of father to the grave

In the final casket that proceeds a life of sustained torture

The piece that he will regenerate and replace

TW

If you touch every part then would it be overwritten

If you bashed her had in a wall would it be different

Then when she did it

Smash

Smash

Smash

Would it leave only silence

.

.

Only you

.

.

If everything were you, nothing would be him

If you touched every part

If there was only your voice

Would the screaming stop

The chaos

The conflicting, contradictory -

The ringing

The pressure in her ears from the static

The morphing

.

.

If she only saw you

Your hand

Your reflection

If she only saw you

Then only your strings would matter

.

.

Would it be obsession

Or are these just labels the world uses to try and categorize what they fear

And is the fear only present in something they feel they can't control or understand

If you spend your whole life running

Your whole life trying to be something

Could you try to understand the absence

In just -

Being still

.

.

Labels are meaningless unless it's the objective truth

.

.

Pin her

Wrap her up in you and hold her there until the fear spikes and then subsides into absence

Until the brain rapid fires and then quiets into the blank

Where the thoughts shut off

And all that would be left is you

Replace her shaking with the crushing weight of an anchor

.

.

Be so absolute

So heavy

Even if she tried to lead

To move your strings

She wouldn't be able to

Mark her with an imprint that belongs to you

So she knows you existed

Take the fumes and replace it with you

Only in displacement is there a chance at purity

Cleanliness

.

.

No matter how much she scrubbed it was meaningless

Futile

It didn't make a dent

Everything was father and in that -

And in that you can't fix or scrub or cleanse with the tools made out of the very thing you want to

Fumigate

Displace

Remove

.

.

People are thin as paper

As light as vapor

Some are so pretty

Fragile

Like the reflection of light

The essence of a soul so

Bright

In a muted way

Not blinding but

Quiet

Pretty

.

.

People are vapor

And in that vessel could inhale them easily

The black pit of gluttony

A monsters hands covered in blood

Father is vessel is vessel a monster

A monsters skin sin

Claustraphobic

And -

To scrub to purge to -

Restrain

.

.

Crush any attempt at a mask

TW

Would dialysis be enough to scrub father out of her blood

Would you drain her completely so it can be replaced

Dismember the body

.

.

Looking at the girl in the mirror

The reflection

Is so strange

Studying it

It makes vessels skin crawl to think of all the different versions, trespassers in her skin

19 years of them blipping in

All so separate

Vessel has no connection

The name, the age, the people

Family

They're all just titles of synthetic filler

That are negligible and ultimately -

Meaningless

.

.

Much like vessel herself

.

.

The past versions, even their writing is so strange and gross

Vessel can't read it

All the words like I and me

They feel so different

Not like vessel at all

It's their stuff

It's hers

Every version in and out of the cage of skin

So many, but none of it was vessel

.

.

It was all a lie, every girl that died

A stranger in a house with people but no connection, they never knew vessel, only the different versions

Fill ins stuffed to the brim

With the putrid

Filler

Overflowing

Spilling

But vessel is final

To strip it all back is to reveal

A black hole

Vessel

Vessel wants to stay vessel and no more person or girl or dying no more synthetic filler just -

.

.

Vessel isn't a person and she never was

To be treated like a person would be to cultivate a new mask

A new person in the already crowded graveyard of caskets

Vessel doesn't want new people

Vessel wants to stay vessel

Those people were just father, everything is father

Even her pieces

The pixels that will disintegrate to ash

.

.

Even small interactions with the people she called family

Saying things

Even the smallest masking is too much She does it, but it feels way too close to the trespassers

It feels gross

Vessel wants to shut the door and not have to mask ever again, but that's not possible

It feels like a lie

Everytime

Her hands -

Feel covered

In muck

Scrub

Purge

Fck

.

.

In a world built for people there's no life or escape for a vessel

She's so disconnected from everything

Even just people in general

Like an outsider looking in at all the strings watching as they all project at eachother and scream

No one is heard or seen

Only what they want to present

There is no actual connection

.

.

Empathy, kindness, all filler, putrid

Just beat vessel

Until the lights go out

Fill vessel with yourself and push out the fumes

.

.

Fumigation

.

.

Displacement

.

.

Worship

.

.

Put vessel on a leash and pull it just tight enough to cause a head rush

The high

Then grab her by then neck

And keep squeezing until -

Until there's nothing left but a shell

And to die by your hand

Would be the gift of an end

To die in purity

Something not him

And if the hand -

If the hand left an imprint she would worship it as a sign that you existed

Worship, devotion, give the command to detonate and she would

.

.

Detonate

.

.

When vessels gone, all that'll be left are letters

And she will die

Him

But he'll regenerate

And desecrate

The remains

But if everything was him

Is him

There's nothing of her

They were all playing puppet in a corpse

Did he have fun torturing his extension

TW

Is ever ok for a father to joke abt going to a strip club to his 11 year old daughter. Just due to isolation and repetitive gaslighting don't really know what's acceptable and normal. So just need to double check also should note this was 2 days after a text was sent confronting his behavior bc he said something predatory to the baby sister. And he ignored the text acted like it didn't happen and then tried to hoover and love bomb. To present a perfect image, but since gray rocking today he made that joke and just need an outside source bc as mentioned there's no basis to go off of.

TW

Just need confirmation on something. A simple yes or no. Is it ever ok for a father to say to his daughter he's going to grab her private area. Just it's been brought up before but he's gaslit and flipped it. Said we and society are just gross and said he meant nothing by it and said it was just a joke ect. Just need to know if it's ok or normal bc there's no basis to go off of. Just need confirmation.

TW

The times where vessel feels the pulling

Receding

Where the edges of the world feel like they're slipping away

Is it a pull

To sleep

Tired

Loopy

When things get fogged up like looking through a glass pane

Or blurry and double

Or so bright it hurts vessels eyes

.

.

If the world receeded

Would that bring an end

To everything

.

.

The more vessel thinks about it

The more human connection seems so

Horrible

Redundant

Harmful

Filler

Where no one is actually connecting

Just screaming

Shouting

Bouncing their projections and images off one another

Exchanging pieces of themselves

That they collected and recycled

And it's all this big loop of chain reactions

Like dominoes

.

.

They're all screaming to be heard

All shoving and pulling

And it's all

Static

Noise

.

.

They only see themselves

But even then it's only what they choose to showcase

.

.

Vessel is vessel and vessel wants to stay vessel

The name, the age, the people

They're all so foreign

It makes vessel want to puke

Reading the words back from the other girl is so

Gross

Seeing the strings, hearing all of the smothered shouting frequencies -

How does anyone breathe

.

.

It's not connection when everyone has a hidden agenda and they don't even realize because they only want to see the version of themselves they want to believe in

Like moths to a flame

Once the flair is struck

They all swarm sharing their own stories

But ask yourself if you're even giving enough space for the other person

If you're all fighting to be heard

Is anyone actually hearing anything other than themselves

And their fabricated frequency

It's all noisy and blinding

And ultimately

What is the point

If you stripped it all back

Would everyone just be a black hole

Everything is just filler

Insulation

Ego is putrid

Emotions complicate things

They keep you stuck

They feed his loop

And muck it up

If you just stopped running for a second

You'd see the exits were blocked

And you'd realize you need to incinerate and negate everything entirely

.

.

Vessel isn't ignorant

Some frequencies are pretty

Some are putrid

Most are just

Lost

But you can't find your way back

If you're caught in the smoke

If you choose the blindfold

Some frequencies are pretty

As light and fragile as vapor

To watch from a distance behind a glass

Acknowledge and move on so as not to inhale the fumes

A black pits gluttony

A monsters skin

Born of an insignificant mans sin

Vessel will be stuck forever as his shadow

Don't ruin or inhale the pretty vapor

Restrain and protect

The frequency

.

.

In a world set on fire

What will become of the smoke

In ashes vessel will have died

A black hole

.

.

You can empty the inside

You can remove the fumes of his mold

But you can't outrun the cage of dna

The skin

The shadow

A cycle of isolating

Filling and emptying

Is a life of maintence over the uncertainty and uncontained version of an end

Vessel is used to torture

.

.

But when it ends will the silence last

Like the previews where everything halts but time

Where no thoughts pass through

And for a moment there's only

The noise from outside

Gotta admit it's weird

A long

Blank

Of absence

And for a moment nothing exists