Envy in my Fourth Step
I’m begun working on my Fourth Step right now and have written out a list of resentments. My sponsor pushed me to keep adding and I’ve gotten up somewhere well past 200 people. I’ve also started adding institutions and values. As I start to work my way through the “Cause” and “Affects” columns, I’m starting to realize that many of them aren’t really something that someone did/said. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of good old fashioned resentments where I can pinpoint things people did to upset me in some way. It’s just that there’s a lot envy/comparison/insecurity stuff (Why does life seem easy for him/Why do girls like him/Why is he athletic/popular/confident?/I wish I had what he has).
It definitely creates resentment inside me, but it feels different than someone actually wronging me (or at least me perceiving something that way) It’s more like my own self-talk and feelings of inadequacy getting projected onto them. Do these kinds of things belong on a Fourth Step resentment inventory? And if so, how do people usually write/process them honestly without turning it into self-hatred or overanalyzing?
I’m trying to be rigorous and do this the right way! Any direction/experience people can provide would be greatly appreciated!