4 Months sober, I have a question for people who have been sober a lot longer. Does the want, the yearn the thought every night and every morning about just having one little drink ever go away? I always choose to send it to the back of my mind and I don't want to drink but it seems I'm not on my own side sometimes.
I’ve been pretty active in AA for about 4 years. Close with my sponsor, all my friends are in AA. In general recovery has become my life.
I got sober, finally. I got a job that I enjoy, an apartment that I like, I’m a really active member of my family now. I go anywhere and I do whatever I want nowadays.
But I’m just over AA. I find myself not listening to my sponsor during our calls anymore - I just don’t care what she really has to say and I’m not even looking for her input or advice at this point. The truth is NO ONE in AA really has a life that I want enough to truly take their advice that seriously.
I guess I’m just not looking for answers in AA anymore.
For a long time I was genuinely fired up about recovery, AA, the 12 steps. They solved my problem. But nowadays, I don’t even know why I go. What am I searching for there? I don’t know.
I don’t want to pray anymore
I don’t want to go to meetings anymore
I’d rather just live a teetotal life.
Guess I just want to get this out. See if anyone feels similarly, or has left and been ok. I want to stay sober and plan to
Sobriety not feeling better
I’m a 34F and am 6 months sober. I see people posting that after getting sober their life got better and things started falling into place, but my life is falling apart. Ever since I sought treatment/rehab in December life has been throwing me punches left and right. Every time I feel like I get my head above water life knocks me down again. Anyone else have this experience where sobriety hasn’t been all sunshine and roses? Looking for a reason to say sobriety is worth it.
I’m coming up on nearly 7 years sober, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how different life is now.
When I first got sober, I just wanted the chaos to stop. I wanted to stop hurting people, stop lying, stop waking up ashamed, and stop being trapped in the same cycle.
Now I’m married, we have a baby girl, and I get to be present for the kind of small moments I probably would have missed or ruined before. It honestly hits me sometimes that sobriety didn’t just give me my life back — it gave me a life I didn’t even know how to ask for.
I still need the basics: prayer, honesty, service, talking to other alcoholics, and remembering that I’m not cured just because life is better.
For those with longer-term sobriety: what has helped you stay spiritually awake after the crisis years were over?
I know I’m killing myself.
But I don’t get why I have any supporters. My mom wants to send me to rehab, my brother wants me to go to church with him.
I just think they each have ulterior motives to feel better about themselves. They don’t know me or what I’ve struggled through. I think their offers to help are performative so that Mom can shine to her social club friends and my brother can have another excuse not to show up for his wife - that he’s doing shit for me.
I don’t feel worth anything, I’m just causing trouble wherever I land.
Even if I take them up on a rehab trip, doesn’t this mean I’m beholden? I feel gross thinking about every aspect of this. I don’t feel like I have people who want the best for me or who want to help me, I feel like a cog that others can use to benefit their situations.
Edit: I know I should focus on recovery. My pride and ego is getting in the way, and it’s something that I know will affect my relationship with these familial people. I don’t know how to handle that.
I knew I was an alcoholic for years.
Like a lot of us, I tried to beat it on my own. Sometimes I managed weeks. Once, years ago, I even stayed sober for a year. I wore that year like a badge of honour. I told myself it proved I wasn’t really powerless, that I could choose sobriety whenever I truly wanted it.
Looking back, that was just another lie my alcoholism told me.
Yes, I wasn’t drinking, but I was white-knuckling life. My walls were up. I was restless, irritable, and discontent from those closest to me. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, and I certainly wasn’t at peace.
Then there was the other lie.
I have a successful career, I’m the sole breadwinner for my young family, and I’ve achieved more professionally and financially than I ever imagined would be possible. So I convinced myself that if I could hold all of that together, then surely my drinking couldn’t be that bad.
“I’ve had a stressful week.”
“I’ve earned this.”
“I’ve just landed a huge bonus.”
“I deserve a blowout.”
At first, I was the fun guy everyone wanted around. But their night would end.
Mine never did.
I’d always find a way to keep drinking.
People say alcoholism is a progressive disease. I’d heard those words before, but I never truly understood them until I lived them. Looking back over years of broken promises to myself and others, failed attempts at sobriety, blackouts, trips to the hospital, and increasingly dangerous behaviour, I can see just how much worse it became. I came frighteningly close to losing everything that actually matters, so many times, but never actually did!
A little over three weeks ago, I walked into my first AA meeting.
I’d spent four years trying to fight this alone (after acknowledging it), and (on real reflection) I’d been an alcoholic for over twenty years, although for many of those years I couldn’t admit it.
It took me so long because I was terrified.
Terrified of saying the words out loud.
Terrified of admitting I needed help.
Terrified that maybe I wasn’t “bad enough.”
Maybe I didn’t qualify.
Maybe they’d think I was wasting their time because I hadn’t lost everything yet.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The meetings have been full of people from every walk of life, all brought together by the same problem. There hasn’t been a single meeting where I haven’t heard something that made me think, “That’s me.”
These are my people.
I only wish I’d walked through those doors sooner.
Within two weeks I’d collected a dozen phone numbers from warm, kind, generous people who genuinely wanted nothing from me except for me to stay sober. In every area of my life I’ve met good people, but I’ve never experienced a welcome quite like I found in AA.
I walked into my first meeting an emotional wreck. My last drink had been about fourteen hours earlier - it was a real low point for me but I won’t get into the war story.
I’ve gotten sober on my own before, so I have something to compare this with.
This feels different.
The changes aren’t just about not drinking. They’re showing up everywhere. I’m more peaceful than I’ve ever been. I’m quicker to admit when I’m wrong. I’m more honest. I’m learning to let go of things I can’t control instead of trying to force life to go my way.
Before AA, “serenity” wasn’t a word that meant much to me. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I understand what it feels like. Not perfectly. Not every day. But more often than not. And when I lose it, I’m learning there are tools to help me find it again.
So if you’re lurking here, wondering whether to go to your first meeting, this is for you.
I built it up in my head for years. I convinced myself I wasn’t bad enough, that I should fix it alone, that I wasn’t like “those people.”
Then I walked through the doors and realised they were my people.
If you’re scared, I was too.
But walking into that first meeting was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Yes, I am very early into my program, I haven’t worked all steps, and I don’t have much authority on this subject other than the fact I am an Alcoholic, and this is my experience thus far with AA.
I write this both with hope to help others exploring AA, and as a practice of reflective writing to help process this all for myself.
I've been sober 16 years and an active member of AA most of that time. Last night a brother in our home group killed himself because he just couldn't get sober. He's been hanging around for years, in and out of jail and rehabs. Lots of potential... a doctor in fact. He lost his job two or three years ago. His wife finally got sick of his shit and kicked him out. We all tried our best to get him plugged in. He was one of the "unfortunates" the Big Book talks about.... constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself. His death is a reminder to me of the deadly nature if our disease. Every day sober is truly a gift. Good luck to all of you out there who are still struggling. I'll be praying for you.
When my mom seen I was doing better than other mind states I've been in shes been getting me little wine boxes on her terms. I feel like I've become dependent to the point I get panic attacks wondering if shes going to come home with one or if I'm going to be able to go with her to get one. I'm 34 btw but she wants to becareful with my drinking and there are days it won't happen at all.
Idk why I get panic attacks from the anticipation when overall its not much alcohol enough to get me buzzed for very long. Then just feel shitty after. Just want to make sure its safe for the days I don't get it, I have been on big alcohol binges in the past and always managed them cold turkey sometimes quitting for up to 2 years.
Hey everyone,
I’m looking for some advice on how to handle a situation that caught me off guard recently and how to navigate these moments in general moving forward.
I play on a softball team. After our game, a teammate came up and asked why I ran off so early the week before. They wanted to know why I didn't stick around to have beers with the team like I used to. was caught off guard and didn't really know what to say.
This specific situation got me thinking about the bigger picture. I used to drink heavily with these guys, and I know I'm going to run into this same problem with many other people from my past moving forward.
I’m not entirely sure how I want to handle this going forward. Logically, I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but internally, I still feel like I do. I usually prefer to be honest, but the most difficult part for me right now is figuring out how honest to be. Do I just rip off the band-aid and say I'm sober so people stop asking, or do I keep it vague? I really need a game plan for when these questions inevitably pop up
How do you handle these situations in general with people you used to drink with but don't anymore? What are your go-to, low-stakes responses that deflect the question without making a big deal out of it?
Thanks in advance for any experience, strength, and hope you can share.
Edit: Just wanted to add I have no issue going to my truck and leaving after. Softball, being on a team, competition, has been great for sobriety, so I don't want to quit the team.
I haven’t told anyone, and I’m a bit worried I’m going to sleep on it and tomorrow I’ll just go “I’m being dramatic” or some other excuse to not go.
I’d love it if I could get some accountability and encouragement from strangers here. It’s in 19 hours or so.
Hi friends- the title says it all. I got sober very young after hitting some really hard bottoms through Alcoholics Anonymous. I was 22 when I surrendered- I went through the work 3x , absolutely had a spiritual experience in which the desire to drink was removed from me, sponsored other women, engaged with service and YPAA, etc. AA saved my life. I stayed sober for 7 years, but looking back I’d say around year 4 I began to drift slowly. I always remained going to meetings, but I stopped raising my hand, started saying “no”, I stopped doing the work. The last thing to go was prayer. It was slow burn at first, but what they say about the mental relapse preceding the first drink is true. I ended up drinking for 4 days and once again the people in AA and my higher power absolutely saved my ass. I’m so lucky to have made it back in general and I thank God that it was a short relapse.
I’m struggling deeply with coming back into the rooms and identifying as a “newcomer”. I love AA but I deeply disagree with the emphasis we put on time and the shame of “starting over”. It feels way too black and white. I view my recovery as a journey which started Oct 3, 2018 with a recommitment on June 10, 2026. I have newcomers calling me a newcomer and my pride and ego are HURT. I think this runs a bit deeper than just ego though.
My father was a member of AA- 26 years of sobriety. I watched him do the same thing I did. I grew up with him taking men through the BB at my kitchen table- (AA quite literally raised me and im thankful for him because he is why I was able to find the solution at such a young age). My dad stopped doing the work, drank after 26 years, and made the ultimate sacrifice they talk about in the BB. He took his own life. Now that I am experiencing walking back into AA, having to ask God to give me humility (OUCH), listening to newbies call me new, watching the kids with a couple years tell me what to do- I can only imagine the shame and fear he must’ve felt when he was trying to get back into the rooms. It’s making me more and more resentful towards AA. There have been moments where I blame AA for his death. Thank God my sponsor has me back in the work and im working on my 4th step now, definitely finding some truths with God that I apparently glossed over my last few times going through the work. I know this isn’t how AA was meant to be- nowhere in our text does it talk about counting time and starting over. It tells me that I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. (Which yes I failed to do - surprise surprise!). I’m grappling with humility. I want to show up HUMBLE and have a new experience. My own shame is amplifying the shame im feeling in the rooms. The bottom line is im lucky to be back. Many don’t even get that chance.
If im being honest, I loved being able to say “hi im ***, alcoholic. I got sober when I was 22, it’s possible.” And now because I drank for 4 days out of the last 2832 days I don’t get to say that? I went to a meeting last night where half the meeting was us going around the room saying our sobriety dates. THAT HURT. deeply. Then I decided to fellowship with some people from a YPAA meeting and I had a girl with 10 months tell me “omg I shouldn’t be hanging out with all newcomers!” I snapped and told her im not a newcomer. I’m back. It’s a day. it really is just a day. My recovery today- having taken an HONEST 1,2,3- currently working on 4- is worlds stronger than it was at 6.5 years sober. Thank you all for being a part of this group. The bottom line is AA has saved my life time and time again- it gave me a life. In my 7 years of sobriety the obsession was removed early (and yes , it does come back once we stop doing the work), I became a RN, I bought a house, there were days I could sit with self and feel serenity. I’m angry at myself. I’m angry at AA. Here’s an analogy - im an RN- I make a mistake at work and learn from it and become a better nurse for it. Does that mean im a new grad again? No. So why do we treat people in the rooms like this? Any thoughts/ experience would be so appreciated.
In a couple of months, my friend will be 1 year sober. This comes after years of struggle, and she remains in a dark place. I’d like to show up for her in the best way I can, but I don’t know what is appropriate. A gift? A dinner out? A letter of support? How would you want your friend to acknowledge this milestone, or not? Thank you.
Hi everyone. I used to live is Pennsylvania and I was addicted to a few substances and alcohol. My life was getting repetitive and I became suicidal and wound up in rehab after my last attempt. I did not commit because my life was bad but because I was out of my mind on these drugs.
While in rehab I made the impulsive decision while on suboxone to send it to Florida for more treatment and A.A. now I regret coming down here as I did have a sober network back home as well. I had a gf family and gym friends that all were sober and would have supported me if I had asked.
So I left all that behind to start new down here but I don’t want to spend a year down here let alone a few months. I keep hearing geological changes don’t change anything so why can’t I just go back after going through the steps once.
All the advice I’ve gotten was saying to not make drastic changes, or wait till I have sobriety time. I just don’t understand why when location doesn’t make the difference. The only reason I’m sober right now is at the thought of finally getting back to my life and that I’ll be homeless if I use anything in this halfway house. Any advice would be appreciated thanks again, it may be repetitive to ask this stuff but I’m just trying to understand why I have to be stuck here.
Yesterday I realised that I have a problem, a big one. I thought I wanted to drink every night cause I enjoyed being different and happier but it turns out I drank because I needed it. Today is my first day sober and I can’t do this. The cravings are so immense I start to burst out in tears and get panic attacks. I’m hovering over the order button since yesterday. It helped to delete all the apps and credit cards from my phone but I redownloaded everything. I went to the gym, I watched stuff, I started eating spicy food.. really anything that could help my mind calm down.
Tomorrow I’m trying to go to my first AA meeting and I’m scared. (It’s like a diagnose from a doctor you’ve been scared of even tho you already knew what you had)
Idk what to do
Edit: Thank you so so much to every single one that commented, it really makes the day go by easier now. I’m grateful for the support
The only reason I don’t drink is out of fear of being homeless
I am standing at the edge of an abyss. In front of me is a dark gray void. It’s nearly completely black. I strain my eyes, but there is no light. I can see no bottom, no sky, no opposite edge. The dark is formless and silent. It is not foreboding or frightening. It is not welcoming. It is just empty.
I look back over my shoulder. I see in the near distance a warm glow. From that glow I hear familiar sounds – laughter, the echo of voices. I can just make out my wife’s voice, and I think I hear other family members and friends. It sounds like they’re having a great time. There are smells, too. I think I smell freshly baked bread. There are also hints of nutmeg and cinnamon that remind me of Christmas cookies. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I smell my wife’s hair and traces of her favorite perfume. I have a flash of a memory - warm blankets on a cold morning, the sleepy indulgence of a lazy winter Sunday.
I turn forward again and survey the featureless dark. I still see nothing. I hear nothing. I smell nothing.
Inexplicably, I realize that some part of me longs to take a step forward into this abyss of profound emptiness. The thought startles me. I feel a twinge of anxiety in my chest. I remain perfectly still.
I do nothing for an entire minute. Then I take a deep breath, turn my back to the nothingness, and walk toward the light.
I did a year in a rehab program and have made it 3 years! 💜
Hey everyone, on July 1 I posted that I had been suicidal and just completely DONE. Just a little while ago I was transferred from the ICU to a regular medical floor probably for a day, but I wanted to let everyone know that I am feeling a lot better about myself and what has been going on. I had consults with three different psych docs, and though I'm not a fan of pshrinks when all three tell you the same thing maybe it's time to listen. I've agreed to at least try medication and outpatient in addition to AA. We'll see how this goes, it's still going to be a battle but it can be done.
I want to thank everyone who left comments of support on my original post. This can get done. Thank you all.
Hi friends,
I'm in early sobriety but i've been working on getting sober for a little over 2 years (currently have 75 days). My partner (who is out of the country right now and has been working all day 7 days a week for like a month and a half now) told me that since i've been going to meetings every day (in the evening because day meetings here are all retirees, which isn't my vibe) we don't get to call or talk as much as he'd like. this is the second time he has said this, and it really got to me this time. i know this is the aa subreddit but i abused drugs as well as alcohol, i would black out for days at a time sometimes and at my peak i drank the better part of a gallon of 80 proof liquor per day. i got dts when i stopped, had to be hospitalized and detoxed, the whole thing.
my partner has seen the worst of my addiction. i said that asking me to miss meetings (which is the only reason i can think for bringing up my recovery when saying we don't call enough) is unfair and i asked which version of me he would prefer; the me who goes to meetings, or the me who drinks and uses every day. he said he doesn't know because he feels just as lonely as ever.
I'm not sure what I should do here. I love him, and we're great together, and whenever i've been sober and we're together the relationship is great. he said that we 'parted on bad terms' and that i 'know it won't get better' which is such doomerist language. it felt like talking to a concrete wall.
i want to solve this, and beyond that we are moving into our second apartment together this september. my sponsor said this is like asking someone to miss chemotherapy, and to that my partner said that he is tired of caring for people with chronic illnesses (which does also seem contradictory to asking me to miss meetings, i'm getting taken care of).
what do i do? what do i say? i'm at a loss and feeling really discouraged. he has said for years that he wants to see me sober and now that i'm doing it he's taking issue with me doing it. i'm crying about it, feel so lost.
thanks for reading<3