r/alcoholicsanonymous

Hi,

I’m the secretary for a young people’s meeting. It’s an open meeting for “the young and young at heart”, so despite it being created for young people, we do have some older folks who attend.

It’s come to our attention that one of the older men has some pretty serious allegations regarding minors. He has the chip commitment (and we do chip night every week to recognize and honor newcomers as much as possible), meaning he’s in a position to inappropriately hug and touch people (including minors) every week.

We’ve asked him not to hug anymore, but I’m worried that’s not enough. He was part of the -YPAA group in our area, and was asked to leave because someone in the group accused him of asking for sexual favors. He did not take that well, and said he wouldn’t leave even if they called the cops.

The meeting I secretary has a lot of members from the YPAA group, and a lot of them have stopped coming to our meeting because of this person. I’m worried that’s his presence could kill the meeting, and is creating an atmosphere where our core members who consider this their home group no longer feel “at home.”

I’ve talked to the chair of General Service, and gotten guidance from my Sponsor and Grand Sponsor. They said it’s really a “group conscience” issue, so we are holding an emergency steering committee meeting to discuss what to do.

I’m no stranger to the fact that AA has some people with pretty gnarly pasts. Even though many of the allegations are not from the past when he was drinking, he hasn’t done anything specific at our meeting, so it’s hard to know what to do.

The fact that he is making young people (who the meeting was built to serve) feel uncomfortable and unsafe is a problem that relates specifically to our group, not hearsay. There’s a million other meetings in our area, but I’ve only ever seen him at young people’s meetings.

I feel that we have to get him away from the meeting somehow, but I’m aware that there’s nothing we can do to enforce that. I’m also aware that Warranty Five of the 12 concepts dictates that we cannot act “punitively” against this person. We are servants, we do not govern, but this feels wrong. Yes we have to worry about our actions causing him to relapse, but I also have to worry about his actions and presence causing others to leave the meeting and relapse. It feels like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? If so, what did you do?

Hey! This is my first submission as I’ve only just admitted that I have a problem with drinking. I know that a lot of you are probably thinking “she’s only 19 she’s just having fun and being young” but my drinking habits have turned much darker. It used to be a bit of fun on the weekends with my friends then it turned into drinking alone a few nights a week and now every single night I’m getting drunk in my bedroom when my parents goes to sleep. It’s not out of fun any more it’s out of dependency and not wanting to be sober to deal with my problems. I’m struggling a lot mentally right now and alcohol gives me a fix. I’m going through almost 2 bottles of wine a night. I feel like I’m going nowhere in life and have already ruined my life at 19. I just feel like there’s no hope for me anymore and that there is no coming back from this because I have never been at a rockier bottom. I really need some help.

Hello everyone, I’m a 24 year old man from Michigan looking to quit.. I’ve been drinking for 4 years and everyday.. It’s too the point where I shake and have to at least drink a beer throughout the morning or I can’t eat / I get nauseous.. My girlfriend has been helping me cut down a lot but she’s on by back about quitting soon cause we want to have children.. Does anybody know any cheap solutions that can help me? I’m low on money and I most likely can’t afford rehab

I completed my 90 in 90 yesterday, in less than 90 days! (: I didn't share it in the meeting, however, I did tell a few lads and my sponsor was chairing the meeting, so he also knew. I thought I'd share it on here too. Hope everyone is having a good Wednesday.

Edit: Added "in less than 90 days!"

Today I'm an atheist, but as a Catholic kid I learned about "Mortal Sins." Since my Catholicism is of course rusty, I thought I needed a refresher, so looking it up on the Interwebs, I found that a "mortal sin is one that 'destroys in us the charity without which eternal beatitude is impossible...'"

OK, on to the mortal sin that I've identified. Pope Whoever, please note. This is John the Atheist's Mortal sin: "Seeing a sincere post in this forum from a newcomer asking for help from AA, and downvoting it."

Discouraging a newcomer asking for help is a despicable, rotten thing to do, whether you agree with AA or not. Apologies all around, but that's the best I can do with respect to rule 1, "Be Civil."

Hey everyone, totally new here. I’m on a waiting list to start addiction treatment in the Netherlands in a few weeks. The treatment center told me to hit up AA meetings while I wait, so I'm trying to go to one tomorrow evening right before my night shift.
I'm super anxious and have a few quick questions:
Closed meetings: The list says "closed" and the website says you have to be a member. Do I need to register somewhere first, or can I just walk in?
Sobriety time: Is it okay to go if I drank yesterday? Do I need full detox first?
Socializing: What happens before/after?
Sharing: Do I have to speak? If I want to say I’m new, how do I do it? How will people react?
Really just looking for some reassurance because my anxiety is through the roof right now. Thanks guys<3

I got back to 1 Year on July 5, but I haven’t been able to celebrate at my home group because of family obligations (3 year old kiddo and my wife had our second baby at the end of June). So I wanted to take a second to say that I didn’t do anything that millions of other people didn’t do before me: got honest, asked for help, worked the Steps, did my best. If I can do it, anyone can.

Before today, I’ve been two months sober and one month out of rehab, it’s been hard no doubt, but I kept going. Tonight, I relapsed, I made up my mind hours before I took the first sip. I told myself “one more night”, get a mickey, a 12 pack, go for a drive like you used to. That’s what I told myself, two hours later I’m pretty wasted in a gas station parking lot in my car, suddenly, a cop car pulls up, turns on their lights, breathalyzes me, I blow a “caution”, no DUI, but my car is suspended for 3 days, I have a fine, and my license is gone for 3 days. My parents sent me to a 30k rehab facility, and I just got caught driving drunk a month after I got back. Idek what to say. I’m 19, had my first beer last year, it’s been downhill since then. I’ve already been wrestling with the fact that I have no friends after rehab because of how I acted in addiction, and this tops it. I’m lost, my parents don’t know but they’re gonna kill me, idk.

I got my three month chip this Monday. From where I was three months ago, which was drinking whisky alone on a Monday morning while throwing back Valiums and calling the Samaritans, I can finally say that I'm proud of myself.

I wasn't so much a chaotic drinker as a I was a dependent drinker (although that Monday morning was pretty fucking chaotic). I never got drunk much and I would usually drink 3 or 4 days a weeks, but it had got to the point where I couldn't leave the house without drinking or knowing that I was going somewhere close by to drink.

In this three months of my new chapter, I have been to a gig with 50,000 people, attended dozens of meeting, made amazing new friends through AA, and finally got myself a new dream job.

This isn't some major success story, and I would say that I have had maybe ten days in the three months where I've felt reasonably happy and calm, but today is one of those days. I went to a meeting this morning, and for the first time I wasn't sharing how terrible I was feeling. The week leading up to the gig was days of panic and excuses not to go, but I did it and I wear the cap I bought there everyday as a symbol that I can engage with life soberly.

All my issues that were there with drinking are still there, but I can finally appreciate what people have been telling me this whole time, which is that bad feelings pass, no matter how apocalyptic they seem in the moment.

Good times are coming for those who can wait.

I stopped drinking Saturday. The plan was to stop Tuesday when I was planning to tell my PO I had a problem finally. Unfortunately, my brother and I drank way too much and gof into a physical fight and I ended up in jail. I'll need to do a breathalyzer thing everyday. Not the ideal way to get me to stop but I needed it. I went through withdrawals in a holding cell but I slept off and on quite a bit. Now that I'm home overall I feel good but I cannot sleep. I got maybe 3 hours last night. I feel so anxious and uncomfortable. I tried watching something and got tired but then my head was flooded with thoughts. I feel like it's going to be hard finding a new nighttime routine as I work second shift. I drank to wind down and help me sleep.

My sobriety has been incredibly up and down but I’m 4 days sober today after a couple of bad relapses. Anyways, I’ve been speaking to a couple of people and obviously they want to set up dates and meet. I’ve never been on a sober date before I usually drink a bottle of wine before I meet anybody new so it’s pretty scary thinking of doing it sober but I know I need to at least try. But how upfront should I be with people I’m dating/ getting to know about my sobriety and being in AA? I’m guessing some people may find it a deal breaker which is fair enough so I don’t want them to think I was hiding it from them but I’m also not sure it’s something you should say so early on? I don’t know really know which is the best course of action for dating in sobriety?

I started drinking last year at around this time. Everything was incredibly overwhelming and alcohol was the only drug that would help me cope. Feeling anxious? alcohol. Feeling bored? alcohol? Lacking motivation? alcohol. Have to interact with the people i dont want to interact with? Alcohol. I would stop drinking when I have to go abroad or when I have to go out of the house early. The people around me don't know even the people I live with because I am extremely high functioning. But I don't like that I am dependent on it to function well. I would feel calm, motivated, confident with the first 2 shots of vodka... Then the headaches would come, that fuzzy feeling that I was not 100% myself...

I really would like to stop feeling dependent on it and feeling so weak at the end of the day because I have to use it as my crutch... I miss the feeling of feeling good and calm without alcohol. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is the day... I hope I can keep that promise to myself tomorrow. I feel so sad and disappointed in myself I don't know what my mindset should be so I could stop drinking...

I was asked by an old timer at a meeting a few weeks ago to talk to a newbie after a meeting. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to overthink, like I typically do/did. I said “this group will love you until you love yourself”. Thank you all!

Hi, i’m thinking of moving to portland and wanted to how the recovery is there. are there a lot of young people?

Like a month ago, I was broke. The international conference being in the same state as me was haunting me. Would there ever be another time that I would still be in my 30s that I could just drive across the state and be at the international fucking conference? No.

And then I get a new job, I’m making more money, I have weekends off. And then the hotel is sold out. Fuck. Oh well, it’s not meant to be.

I text one friend on the outreach committee, that apparently I went to high school with, but don’t remember because both of us were fucked up the whole time. He knows the guy who can’t go anymore who had a room. Boom, hotel transferred.

I get to spend a three day weekend staying in the same hotel as the convention, in a city I’ve never been to without being incredibly drunk, and I’m just so fucking happy. Like this is God‘s Will. I never thought this would work out and now it is because it’s supposed to.

Two years into this in life is finally starting to going incredibly well.

Day 1 for the grace of God i go

“We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only.” Big Book pg 87

could someone explain why we can’t pray for ourselves? i would like to pray for my own healing but the book says i can’t pray for myself. but i need and want help too. i’m still new to the program and i don’t understand a lot of things. i’m still building a relationship with my higher power. please be kind.

My brother started drinking at some point around 21 years old and it immediately spiraled. He never drank until this point, but because it was legal, I think it very quickly became an everyday escape. His drinking was problematic and hidden from the get go. When he moved 2 years later, we found empty jugs in his closet, it took several trips to the trash to clear them. Fast forward a little farther, he was charged with a felony DUI for hit and run with severe injuries. He called us after he ran and was hiding in his apartment. My mom and I showed up. The police actually tracked him down and came pounding on the door, it was quite an event. He was formally charged, pretty messy for a while, blaming his endless drinking on the situation and circumstances. After he served his sentence, it never stopped. Now he’s 28. I am completely and totally serious when I say he’s been to treatment over 20 times. His insurance will cover maybe 3 or 4 days at a time now. And he’s worse than ever. He’s gained 200 pounds. He drinks to the point where he eliminates his bowels in bed. I just don’t know what to do. Is he drinking himself to death? Where do I go from here? My mom is 65 and he’s living in her basement. She can’t go through this any longer. Trips to the emergency department are frequent, exhausting and it’s kind of like 🤷‍♀️ should we just accept that he’s drinking himself to death or WHAT would you do in my shoes?

I tend to be a "by the book" person. If I have clear instructions that I can refer to, I can follow them. That's been incredibly helpful in AA. The Big Book is literally an instruction manual on how to live a happy joyous and free life. It teaches me the positive solution to my problems so that I no longer rely on alcohol as the destructive solution. I love step 11. The Big Book tells us exactly how to pray and meditate both morning and night. The nightly inventory helps us very specifically examine ourselves and our actions at the end of each day. It even tells us what to do during the day. The steps are a clear and consise action plan for recovery and for how to stay recovered.

This program of action has literally saved and changed my life. I finally understand the term greatful alcoholic. For years before I ever used drinking as my solution, I carried so many resentments and so much self-pity. I was angry that others didn't see how much hurt they caused (which I never let them forget of course.) If I hadn't used alcohol as my solution, then discovered this program, I believe I would have always carried those resentments. I never would have this freedom.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 21 year old female in a smaller town. I want to attend an AA meeting because I’ve been struggling with alcohol since I was 16, and dependent since I was 18.

Alcohol controls my life and I want to take back my freedom. I am just worried that the others in the group will be a lot older than me and feel as though I don’t have the right to be there.

I’ve opened up to a family member before saying I think I’m an alcoholic, but it was shut down because, “you’re only young, you can develop a good relationship with it if you try.”

But the thing is, I’ve never tried so hard at anything in my life, but I just can’t drink the way my peers do. In the end, it always grows and spirals until I can’t get through the day without it. I want to know, is there a little bit of scepticism when a very young person joins an AA meeting? Will I be treated with less kindness?

Side note, I’m also worried about AA focusing on a Christian approach, especially since I’m from a very Christian area and I’m aware of AA’s roots in Christianity. I left Christianity a long time ago and it’s a sore spot for me, so I wouldn’t benefit from my recovery centring around an abrahamic higher power.