When is it a problem?

My new gf (18) drinks 3-4x a week and gets drunk. Also comes drunk in the night to sleep with me. Not shitfaced but certainly drunk, strong alc breath, and next day hangover and days following less energy, less happy/bad mood etc. She can drink 4 drinks under an hour, when already being tipsy or on a good level drunk.
She says she doesnt consider it as a problem and normal for her age, and having a gap year.

Im fine with her being young and free, but the worrying part for me is that she stops being responsible towards our relationship. No texting back and when she texts back no consideration for my worries or feeling, saying she goes home (when drunk) and arriving hours later etc. Forgetting parts of her evening, coming home with bruises, When she is sober she understands and sees what it does to me, but yeah its a pattern so shell just have her drinking night out.
Also what bothers me is that i have to enjoy our time together when she is hungover, or less energy, distanced because her mood drops.
Few weeks ago she didnt drink for two weeks and its was a remarkable difference in her state of being and our connection.

So yeah when is it a problem? Besides it being my problem not being able to manage my restlessness or worries that well. I dont lash out on her, am understanding and loving and also being a mirror of her behaviour. I dont demand her to change, but do express that it influences our relationship.

Greetings.

I have been sober for 20 days. On the last day of April, I got embarrassing, fall-down drunk, something I hadn't done in a very long time. Blacked out, and drove (something I have never done before) and it scared the shit out of me. I banged up my car pretty good on my garage.

I made a promise to my wife and to myself that I was going to clean up my act, not because of an ultimatum or anything, but because I knew I needed to.

Things were going great, but I was staying home for the most part. Last night I went out with some friends to watch a game and it was very triggering. I stayed sober, but all the questions about it from my friends were a lot for me, and the smell of booze as we watched sports and played pool... I mean, I missed it.

I didn't drink. But I did have repetitive dreams about booze last night in my sleep.

So I need a meeting.

I’ve been going to two meetings a week for 3 months. I haven’t really clicked with any of the other women. A friend of a friend in the one meeting offered to be my temporary sponsor and I was calling her everyday but she moved and I’ve just been texting her once in a while when I remember. My sister has almost 2 years of sobriety and is a big part of my recovery journey. I look up to her in every way and want to have what she has. Am I able to ask her to be my sponsor? She doesn’t go to the meetings I go to, she lives about half an hour away from me. But we talk regularly and I would feel much more comfortable with her being my sponsor than a stranger.

God willing, I'll be a year sober on the 29th of May. I've been antsy as hell and turning to a lot of other things that are not reflecting emotional sobriety and it's driving me up the wall. I haven't touched a drink or any drugs, just sex and nicotine (I'm trying to quit for a surgery), but my emotional sobriety is something I really value and I hate that I'm fucking this shit up. I'm not too itchy for a drink, but I know I'm acting out a lot and it's causing a lot of shame and self hatred to come up and I just don't know what to do.

So grateful for this sober life. It has been ups and downs but don't regret a single day that I am sober.

And mostly for the amazing people in my life and how well my life turned out - sometimes I still feel undeserving of this blessing. One day at a time.

A LIST OF BLESSINGS

May 21

One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings...

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with having been born of sound mind and body. I went through seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health, family, money, A.A. – the whole gamut.

Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my gratitude list, it's very hard to conclude that God is picking on me.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", May 21, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

the heart palpitations are making it so hard for me to sleep. i’m really trying to power thru and not drink but this sucks. any advice???

do you think I can go to AA meeting if I’m high from weed

Or should I wait until I’m not
This would be my first meeting this week but idk if I should leave because I cannot participate

Havent really stressed about not drinking because i feel better without it. I’ve been invited out at least 3 times to places i know they just want to go drink at. My partner and i used to drink a lot and it was causing way too many problems and that’s part of why I chose to stop, but they think I’m exaggerating by deciding to quit completely. My sibling said the same thing. My mom on the other hand told me I’ll ”never be a person” if I don’t stop drinking. Lol, completely ruined my day.

Also how do I stop stress eating?

I'm some random reddit name and I'm an alcoholic. Just a quick question, I had been sober from all mind altering substances for 4 years. Last year I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that causes me lots of pain. During the diagnostic stages I was given narcotic pain killers but once I started seeing the specialist they were just trying all different meds that weren't working. Pain meds were taken away so I was unable to sleep/eat. I started using THC to help with my sleep and appetite. Ill admit it didn't take away my pain but it helped with the back ground symptoms. Now I'm on meds that seem to be working and have stopped using THC. Just wondering if this is a relapse, i understand that decision is up to me but thought I'd see what others think. Personally, I felt a certain way about it the first time I used THC but then reminded myself why I was using it. What's your opinion? My main problem when I was out there was alcohol but I also was addicted to "yes" so anything you offered me I would have took and took more. Anyways I'm rambling, please let me know your opinion/experience.

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It blows my mind how much my journey in recovery has been exactly like you all said it would be.

Been in the program 2 years. About 300 meetings. Just came back from 5 months. At 2 days.

I can say this to myself honestly that I'm at step 6. I always thought 6-7 doesn't come up too much at meetings and I get that. The world makes God hard I think. I don't battle with it anymore. Prayer is in my life and I want it there.

I don't know how to approach 6-7. I've done enough dramatic holy things in my life. I pray for sobriety all the time even when I'm out. More when I'm out. Do most people glaze over 6-7?

Any page numbers from the book anybody know also. Thanks everyone. Nothing but love for you all.

I haven’t been going as often lately. I just don’t feel great with it. It’s sad stories. I do kinda feel like an outsider because everyone like connects the book to different parts and like have stuff memorized.

I went to college and now I’m working and trying to figure out university and I just feel kinda alone with it. A lot of people are in their 30s and I just got in my mid 20s.

I just feel alone in the rooms, the stories are sad and I know I’ll always be an alcoholic but I don’t want to think about drinking anymore. I just wish I could be normal and not have to hear sad stories and idk. I’m venting.

Im think im going to AA tonight. I didn’t think I had a problem. My mom and my best friend have expressed concern over the past 2 years but I thought mom was being mom and friend was overly concerned or jealous. Now my boyfriend is suggesting I have a problem and wants to end the relationship because of it. That kind of hit me big. Like now three people have told me I need help.

I don’t drink all the time but I have been using it as a crutch recently and have drank most days of the week. When I start drinking, I can’t stop. And that’s where the problem is I guess. It just makes me feel so carefree and happy. I have bad anxiety and depression and it helps me forget.

I know it’s a problem now. I’m scared though. I’m only 30 and I’m struggling with it. I want to be able to go out and have a couple drinks but it usually ends up being 10 and me losing control unless someone stops me. I’m so terrified at what this means for me, my mental health, my social life, and my relationships.

I don’t want to say alcoholic but at this point maybe I should. I feel so defeated.

EDIT: Thank you guys for all of your caring words and advice. I ended up going to a meeting and was greeted very warmly as soon as I got out of my car. I felt like everyone I talked to had a big blow up in their life that prompted their change so I felt out of place and like I didn’t belong. I’m trying to tell myself that it just hasn’t happened yet. I haven’t gotten a DUI. I haven’t hurt someone else. I haven’t lost my job.

Three different women gave me their numbers and told me to text or call if I need something. I think I will go back tomorrow and see what happens. I think tonight was an « open » meeting and tomorrow is closed so it may be different.

The mental illness part is really a big factor. I have an appointment to look at medicine tomorrow and plan to set up something with a therapist as well.

I dont want to call myself an alcoholic, but I think my current habits are leading to it.

Not sure why I feel the need to post this but I’m feeling compelled and need all the juju I can get.

Last year I dabbled in AA for the wife, not for me, and it didn’t last. On my birthday this year I decided to push my even keel drinking a little to see if she’d notice, we were already doing so well (not). Anyways, things happened and tomorrow is a pretty big day. I get a chip and divorce papers.

These last 30 days have been some of the most soul searching, crushing and enlightening that I’ve had in a long time. I’ve been so blessed, have made some changes a little too late, and have felt so much support from the AA community in my rural area. I couldn’t imagine what this month would’ve been if I didn’t get that gut punch that awakened me again.

Life sucks right now, but it’s also so beautiful. There’s so much to process still, but I get to do it soba’.

My sponsor said something to me last night that really put things in perspective. It sucked to hear but the words also gave me clearer direction to never put myself in such a position ever again. “You gave up your power to drinking, your power to choose and make decisions for your life and gave it to others who now get to decide for you.”

Tomorrow’s going to suck, but also great.

I can't believe it. I know I am struggling a bit but only because what brought me down this time was a mix of a prescribed med which led to drinking. It's messing me up because I feel like I cannot honestly share at the meetings about some of the feelings related to the addict side. Has anyone else dealt with this and is willing to share some experience, strength and hope?

I’m in the US, in Georgia. Spanish speaker but for some reason all of the AA meetings in Spanish, in Georgia, are two hours long. Every single one. Every other AA meeting I’ve been to in this country is one hour.

I’m curious if anyone knows why the Spanish meetings are like this?

Why are the newer hardcover copies of the big book, the ones with the yellow top, as opposed to the all blue with gold on the spine, such worse quality? the paper isn’t as good. really frustrating. anyone know why that is?

Good afternoon/morning,

I'm very new to this program and fortunately found a home group that I can take a 2-minute walk to. I am almost 21 days sober and have been just trying to keep myself busy. Are there any tips moving forward? I'm open to suggestions on how i can stay successfully sober. I already know that im an Alcoholic and am not afraid to admit it.

Imagine this. You’re watching the football game with your buds. Wings, ranch, celery, pizza + loads of snacks. Everyone’s havin a brewski and a good time

But you can’t. Not even 1-2 budlight cans. It just sucks - how do you over come this?

Had one of those dreams that is apparently very common for people in early sobriety, but in the midst of waking up I thought of the time I was working at a factory third shift during Covid and of how wasted I used to get by myself every morning. I lost 20 pounds in a month drinking alcohol in the morning and energy drinks throughout the night, not much else. I worked with awful men and got sexually harassed a lot, even followed home once. In the midst of the chaos, alcohol was the only thing that felt good and safe at that time. It was my only friend at that period of my life I’d almost forgotten about. I had those flashes of memories after waking up and even though it was one of the worst times and my nervous system is still dealing with it, I missed it so much and just felt like, is this something that I HAVE to do forever? It was such a shameful, overwhelming and fear inducing thought. I’ve been doing well and my subconscious threw a wrench at me. That fear followed me throughout the day. I went to two meetings and reached out to people, so that is a win. But it’s crazy that Im a month and a half in and feel worse than I did my first couple of weeks. My head feels unstable but I’m hoping tomorrow will be better.