r/alcoholicsanonymous

Hey y'all.

37M single dude who has just decided he wants to change his life. I'm truly at rock bottom, but have a great support system around me.

Afaik: I will have to do medical detox (15 liquor/ day for 5 years), inpatient and some coinciding counseling. Then get into the program and battle for the rest of my life.

Mentally I am done, physically it is getting to me REAL bad lol.

Asking for any tips. And I mean any tips. What do I pack in my bag? What should I expect days 1-30?

I check in tomorrow at 9am and they know I'm coming.

I think I know what's best for everyone, and could fix society if I could just force them to bow unquestioningly to what I think is best. If I could just force people to shut up and obey me, we'd have a truly free society, one free from itself. This is clearly an unhelpful train of thought, but I think I'm afraid to admit I don't have all the answers. If I don't have all the answers, if I can't bring about Utopia, them who can? All that these thoughts are doing for me is making me angry and irritable all of the time, angry that people are allowed to hold opinions contrary to mine. This is killing me, and making me believe things I don't really believe. What can I do about it?

Over five years ago, I stopped drinking cold turkey. I was 57 (now 63), and I just didn't like drinking anymore. Alcohol made me feel tired. It made my mind foggy. Also, I was going through difficult times with an elderly parent who was near the end of their life, and I was starting to self medicate. If I was going to survive, I needed to stop drinking.

Fast forward and yesterday, I was at a social gathering and someone opened a really nice wine that had been aged for 20 years. I took a big whiff of the bottle and I wanted to taste it. "Pour me a little taste!" So I tried it. I drank about 2-3 ounces, but that was enough. It was a merlot and laden with tannins. My face turned read and I could feel that alcohol hit me right away. I didn't like the feeling. I asked for another "taste" but didn't finish it.

So now it is the morning after and I'm wondering, is this a slippery slope? Will I drink a beer tomorrow, another glass of wine next week? I don't want to start drinking again, and I'm a little concerned. Would love some feedback. Thanks.

Edit: I've never gone to AA meetings. I was drinking a beer a night or up to a half a bottle or three quarters a bottle of wine in the evenings. During particularly hard days, I was starting to put a little whisky in my coffee in the mornings. I wasn't comfortable with my reliance on alcohol, so that's why I stopped. Looking back, drinking was such a waste of time. Especially when I think of the times I got completely blotto, because I drank too much tequila, whisky, or gin and tonics.

When I sponsor, my goal is not compliance or coercion. I simply take someone through the book and steps, as directed by AA, encouraging them to ask questions as we go - questions that I answer honestly.

Often, "interpretation" can be a matter of confusion to them. In AA they are exposed to varying interpretations and personalities, some radically different or opposed. They are challenged in what to "believe". Principles are frequently the answer.

Of late, I am enjoying reading some of Bills retrospects. In some instances he appears to be "cleaning up" or giving greater clarity to what he had previously written. These afterthoughts of Bills are proving to be a useful tool to me. It reminds me to be open minded and tolerant (at the very least), if not welcoming and non-judgemental.

This statement from Bill in the 1946 Grapevine illustrates that.

"So long as there is the slightest interest in sobriety, the most unmoral, the most anti-social, the most critical alcoholic may gather about him a few kindred spirits and announce to us that a new Alcoholics Anonymous Group has been formed. Anti-God, anti-medicine, anti our Recovery Program, even anti-each other — these rampant individuals are still an AA Group if they think so!"

...I am leading a topic meeting today and need a topic...maybe a short passage of AA approved literature to go with it...last week was 'How do I reach acceptance?'...got something good for me for today's meeting? Having a brain lock...

Edit: I went with '4th Dimension' but thank you to everyone, the meeting was a success, I have enough topics & ideas for months to come. This sub is a very under rated part of my recovery and I've learned a lot and got many perspectives here.

Hi. I am GSR of my group and we have an Area assembly coming up this fall. One proposal coming to the assembly is expanding Article 3 protection to the first 164.

Our DCM said we’d need 3/4 written consent from all the groups to change anything. However I went to a regional forum and someone said we’d need 3/4 written consent from all the groups who respond to the proposed change. That makes a big difference, so which is it? And what’s yalls opinion on expanding that protection to the 1st 164? Thanks!

Today I was having a good day until I had a disagreement with my dad. I started yelling and got emotionally upset. I felt like a little kid with these emotions and feelings. Feeling helpless that I can't control my emotions. and feel like a little kid. How do you deal with these feelings? Has anyone else experienced this in sobriety and can identify. I apologized and calmed down now i'm posting on here.

And old timer said he tells himself he's not going to argue with this wife , but then he argues with he he can't stop it. It's important to know that you can't stop it but it's what you do about it afterwards that matters

my sponsor has been out of the country for about 3 weeks on a vacation. She left when I was beginning step 11 and I made her (and myself) a promise to work on meditating daily as a part of my spiritual practice. I was super skeptical if it, but everyone I talked to said how helpful it is to their recovery, how much they have grown to love/need it and to hang in there because it was hard at first but got better.

it’s been a month and the exact opposite is true. It’s almost i for me to quiet my mind and get started. Connecting with my HP has actually made several situations in my life worse (things have come up or to light, issues have arisen, conflicts have started). any sources of stability have gone awry. at this point, even my concept of my HP has comp gone sideways (from a Judeo-Christian view of God to I have no idea what but DEFINITELY not that anymore!).

I wish I never had started this practice. has anyone else had a similar situation, or has been able to stay sober and work the steps without that part?

I graduated from a month long in patient rehab about 2 years ago, and upon leaving they gave me a coin for completing the program. Kinda like an AA 30 day chip. A few months after graduation I relapsed and began drinking heavily and regularly up until about a month ago. I haven't had a drink in probably over a month but I've smoked weed in that time.

Tonight is one of my give it all up nights. I have no more weed and decided enough is enough and I am going to cut out everything except for nicotine for the time being. And I would even like to give that up. Last week I had 3 days off of it but fell down.

Anyway, I'm sitting here tonight alone in my apartment staring at that rehab chip wondering if I deserve it anymore and if not how to dispose of it. I really enjoyed my time at that rehab center and I met some really great and supportive people there. My last day before giving me the chip everyone passed it around the room to give it some "good luck". I've kept it on me in my wallet every day since then but it is beginning to feel like stolen valor.

Thoughts? Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I am 18 months sober and I had a complete panic attack and breakdown at the airport today. I had my my phone, passport, wallet, license taken on the plane. Everything was gone. And, I just lost it. Not angry, just complete panic!

It was my first time traveling with my extended family since getting sober and of course I was horrified by my behavior. I told them I was sorry and that I didn’t understand why I lost it, BUT… I have just learned that they secretly filmed me when I was having this breakdown and shared it with other family.
I feel so violated and broken. I can’t stand myself. I work the program with all my heart but what is the point if you find out you’re more of a psycho POS when sober?! Like people liked me more drunk! My husband doesn’t find me attractive sober. What’s the point if I’m just going to continue being a horrible person?! How do I deal with this shame?! I know expectations don’t serve us, but why would family film me like that?! Any suggestions for readings? Prayers? Personal experiences? I just don’t think I’m worth the effort.

I am not a newcomer, nor is he. I am married and have done AA for years. So has he. Steps many times and all that. I have never cheated on my spouse nor do I plan to.

The problem is, I am so love with this man. It is awful. It has lasted for months and months. I cannot believe myself , that this has happened to me. He has acknowledged it too. It is just awful. Both of us agreed to not act on the feelings. It’s just an awful thing bc I think about this wonderful person night and day and it’s just hell on earth. I wish I had never come to this meeting. We do not flirt with each other, we are totally appropriate but of course people notice we have a special connection and are ga ga / goo goo eyes on each other. It’s really just the most terrible thing that has ever happened to me in AA. We actually are incredibly well suited and have a lot of (healthy) qualities in common which I think is why people notice as well

I am asking for God to remove these thoughts from my mind, trying to just ride it out, let the feelings pass. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I used to hear about people meeting one another in AA and I would think to myself, “oh my gosh really in an AA meeting? They are nuts, what a risk, it’s going to end in disaster” and so forth. Now this has happened to me. I guess I have more empathy for people now, this is a terrible situation

I assume I should switch meetings ASAP but I don’t think I can realistically make myself. I am just hoping the feelings will fade. I have seen other people develop crushes and then the feelings fade.

Any feedback welcome. Thank you AAs

UPDATE: Thank you all for the feedback. And for allowing me to be honest about my dysfunction. I read every single comment and took it in. I’m going to take some action on this today to protect my family and my sanity , also to reflect the integrity of the AA program which I do respect. Thanks everybody who was willing to tell me the truth .

Five years ago, I was a hopeless alcoholic who genuinely believed I was beyond saving. Today, I’m celebrating five years of sobriety.

And I want to make one thing very clear: There is absolutely nothing special about me.

I’m not stronger than you. I’m not more disciplined, more deserving, or somehow better equipped to handle life without alcohol. I’m just someone who was once exactly where you might be right now, and somehow found a way out.

I drank hard liquor daily for nearly a decade. I spent years desperately trying to get sober, only to find myself right back where I started, usually around the 60-day mark. I went to rehab twice. I made promises to myself and everyone I loved that I couldn’t keep. I was consumed by shame, guilt, self-hatred, and the exhausting cycle of drinking to escape the very problems my drinking was creating.

I have an entire drawer full of 30-day chips, a handful of 60-day chips, and only one of every chip after that. That drawer tells a pretty accurate story of how many times I tried and failed before something finally stuck.
At 28, I was so convinced that things would never get better that I attempted to take my own life. I truly believed there was no hope left for me.

And yet, here I am.
Five years later. Alive. Sober. Married. Building a life I once couldn’t even imagine having.

Not a perfect life. Not an easy life. But a life I actually want to be present for.

Over these past five years, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what finally changed. Why did it stick this time when every other attempt ended in relapse?
I think it comes down to three things.

1. Acceptance.
   This was probably the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn.

Acceptance meant making peace with every single part of my past. The things people did to me. The things I did to other people. The mistakes, the trauma, the regrets, the wasted years, and all the things I desperately wished I could go back and change.

It meant understanding that I could spend the rest of my life being angry about what happened, or I could accept that it happened and decide what to do next.

It also meant learning to accept life on life’s terms. Without constantly trying to control the outcome. Without expecting things to go my way. Without believing that every inconvenience, disappointment, or painful experience was some great injustice.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like something. It just means you stop fighting the reality that it exists.

Life is going to happen whether I drink over it or not. People will disappoint me. Things will go wrong. Bad days will happen. Sobriety doesn’t make me immune to any of that.

But drinking won’t change a single thing about it.

2. Doing the inner work.
   This might be controversial, but for me, the problem was never really the alcohol.

The problem was me.

Alcohol was my solution. My escape. My way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings, painful memories, insecurities, and parts of myself I didn’t want to confront.

For years, I thought getting sober simply meant learning how to stop drinking. I went through the motions, attended meetings, worked on the 12 steps, and treated recovery like a homework assignment I just needed to complete.

But this time, something changed.
I stopped asking myself how to live without alcohol and started asking myself why I felt such a desperate need to escape my own life in the first place.
And I didn’t always like the answers.

I had to get brutally honest with myself. About my fears, my resentments, my character defects, my selfishness, my insecurities, and the ways I contributed to my own suffering.

I had to face demons I’d spent years trying to drown.
Working the 12 steps became an entirely different experience when I stopped treating them like a checklist and started using them as an opportunity to genuinely understand and change myself.

And the work didn’t stop when I finished the steps. Five years later, I’m still doing it.

Getting sober removed the alcohol. Recovery taught me how to live with myself.

3. Giving back.
   If I could credit just ONE thing with helping me stay sober these past five years, it would be this.
   Helping other people.

Sponsoring women. Sharing my experiences at meetings. Being completely open about my alcoholism, my suicide attempt, my relapses, my mistakes, and all the ugly, embarrassing, uncomfortable parts of my story.

Recovering out loud.

Because I remember what it felt like to sit in a room full of sober people and think, “Good for them, but they don’t understand how bad I am. I’m different. I’m too far gone.”

And then someone would share something so painfully honest and familiar that, for just a moment, I didn’t feel so alone.

That’s what I want to be for someone else.
I don’t share my story because I’m proud of every part of it. I share it because I know there’s someone out there who needs to hear that you can come back from things you never thought you’d survive.
Helping someone else find hope in their darkest moments has given meaning to some of the darkest moments of my own life.

And it’s a constant reminder of where I came from and why I never want to go back.

So, to anyone reading this who is sick and tired of being sick and tired:

I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. It’s not.

I’m not going to tell you that sobriety will magically fix your life. It won’t.

And I’m definitely not going to tell you that every day is sunshine and rainbows because, five years in, I still have days that absolutely suck.

But I will tell you this:

You don’t have to believe that you can stay sober forever. You don’t even have to believe you can stay sober for a month, a week, or a day.

You just have to have the tiniest bit of willingness to try.
That’s it.
Twenty seconds of insane courage.
Twenty seconds to admit you need help.
To make the phone call. To walk into a meeting. To tell someone the truth. To check yourself into treatment. To do whatever that first scary thing is that you’ve been putting off because you’re terrified of what comes next.

You don’t have to figure out the rest of your life in those twenty seconds.

You just have to take the first step.
And then take it one day at a time.
If a day feels impossible, take it one hour at a time.
If an hour feels impossible, take it one minute at a time.
And if all you can manage is getting through the next sixty seconds without picking up a drink, then that’s what you do.

Those sixty seconds count.

I can’t tell you how many times I thought I’d ruined my last chance. How many times I convinced myself I was fundamentally broken, that I’d never change, that I was destined to die an alcoholic.

I was wrong.

And if you’re telling yourself those same things right now, you might be wrong, too.

Please don’t mistake your past failures for proof that you’re incapable of changing. That drawer full of chips I mentioned? I used to look at it as evidence of how many times I’d failed.

Now I look at it as evidence of how many times I refused to give up.

Five years ago, I didn’t want to be here anymore.
Today, I’m so unbelievably grateful that I am.
You are not too far gone. You are not the exception. And you do not have to become some extraordinary person to get sober.

I’m living proof that an ordinary, deeply flawed human being who couldn’t string together more than 60 days for years can eventually make it to five years.
All you have to do is be willing to try one more time.
And then keep going.

If nobody has told you lately, I’m rooting for you. Especially if you’re on day one. Especially if you’re starting over for the hundredth time. Especially if you don’t believe in yourself yet.

Because five years ago, I didn’t believe in myself either.

And here I am.
IWNDWYT.

Hello there, I am on Day 2 again for what feels like the millionth time and starting an IOP program tomorrow. I do enjoy meetings and hearing other’s experiences, but have never tried to work steps or anything.

I am in therapy and stuff, but what I’m doing now is not working and I’m going to have to do something different. I am not social at all which can make meetings difficult at times, but my addiction loves my isolation and I’m going to have to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit.

I do not even know where to begin to even find a sponsor. It feels so freaking nerve-racking, but I can’t do this by myself anymore.

TIA.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies. I feel a lot less stressed out about it all from reading your comments.

So i keep running into resentment against my wife. This is probably sponsor and marriage counseling stuff but i dont have a sponsor and dont want to spout this off in a meeting. So just throwing it out there here as its a confounding issue for me and ‘just dont get upset about it’ isnt working. This resentment keeps coming up and next to work stress is one of the things that has kept me drunk. Its a fuck-it-all trigger and a lot of times i would drink out of spite. I need some help on how to approach this otherwise history shows this is gonna lead me to a drink.

Basically im very exhausted from the emotional loops from my reaction to lack of intimacy or just general attention from my wife. I get extremely worked up about it and mad at her all the time. And i never say anything because I just have lost any faith that things would improve. And ive had to gaslight myself and downplay my emotions and beliefs telling myself my expectations arent realistic, im the one not communicating, etc, etc. really at the conclusion we are fundamentally different and incompatible in the area.

It just tears me up inside all the time. And I honestly feel stuck and trapped by my own inaction and I hate myself for accepting less than mediocrity. I often wonder if I would be better off alone or with someone else more my speed, but dont want to divorce because i really do love her and the kids and still am the sole provider for the household. Its like a catch 22, and I either need to decide to do something or be ok and accept the situation. So i shove it down and grumble and “accept” the situation until it comes up again.

It also doesnt help that i have severe rejection sensitivity, so a lot of times the anxiety is just that. But these triggers holy hot damn, they torque me off something fierce.

Yet at the same time, I dont think my expectations in a marriage are unrealistic or unreasonable. I didnt get married to live dry all the fucking time. Its like being roomates to me. I know she isnt like me in this department and its unreasonable to ask her to change. So there is this misalignment. And I dont think she truly knows whats on my heart. And sometimes get the feeling she doesnt even think or care about it.

Anyone have suggestions or experiences on how I might be able to approach these issues in myself?

I am in the St. Louis, Mo area and looking for meetings that don't say the Our Father at the end, nor do they have people claiming the US was founded on Christianity and we need to stop saying Higher Power and just say Jesus.

Any help in finding those? The Meeting Guide App doesn't show much of anything.

I'm 18 and had to stop drinking in June because it was a problem. I hate calling myself an alcoholic because it feels like a title that should be reserved for somebody much older, and it scares me because I know I'll never be able to drink normally. I'm going to uni next year and I can already feel myself planning a relapse- It's like the idea of being alone (I almost have to stay sober living with my parents) and with it being so fundamental to the culture there.

I want so badly to believe that I can drink normally but I used to drink daily from 8am last year when I was in sixth form and the way I crave it isn't normal.

Initially it numbed the anxiety and the awareness of myself and what was happening, but it also made me feel like it was okay to just fall and give up like yeah i fucked up but whatever i just felt at peace.

I crave it, same with self harm, im not even doing badly at the moment im actually doing quite well and have no huge external pressures as im on a gap year i just miss the feeling god its like a visceral yearning and thirst .

I am working on it, on some medication and in therapy but its always in the back of my mind and like I cant shake that im never going to be able to drink casually like i really fucked things up for myself. Ik alcohol is a crazy concept but its so normalised in british culture, I cant stop watching videos of people drunk and i just miss it so bad.

I don't really know what the point of this is.

Thanks to God, the program of AA and the people in it I am celebrating 26 years of sobriety. Truly an amazing way of life.

If someone had asked me 26 years ago, I didn't think I could do it. Someone suggested I believe that they believe. That flimsy reed gave me a foundation to build a life.

One day at a time

One hour at a time

One moment at a time

It really does work 🙏🏻❤️🎉

I've been sober for 13 years. I'm a bit of a loner and just went through a messy breakup. There have been some moments when I considered drinking but it wasn't hard to work through the impulse. What I really need are friends because I don't really have any in the town I live in, and definitely none who are sober.

Is it ok for me to attend meetings mainly for this purpose? I'm craving a sense of community and a place to vent without judgement.

I understand they’re not going to be checking ID’s at the door and turning people away for being old. Just curious what the general rule of thumb is in others’ experience-if I’m trying to find my peers, being too old for the room isn’t any better than being too young for the room. Thanks guys!

29 years sober, today. Who’d have thunk it? ✌️