u/moonstonedddd

“We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only.” Big Book pg 87

could someone explain why we can’t pray for ourselves? i would like to pray for my own healing but the book says i can’t pray for myself. but i need and want help too. i’m still new to the program and i don’t understand a lot of things. i’m still building a relationship with my higher power. please be kind.

this has happened twice now. sleep focus on, i fall asleep with alarms set and wake up to my phone with a black screen and loading circle like it’s powering down and i cannot turn it off or on. the second time it happened i figured out if i shut my watch down, my phone shuts off the rest of the way and i can then turn it back on. when i did that, i noticed i had 4 hours of heart rate data missing from my watch during the first part of the night. any idea why this is happening or how to fix it? i’ve missed two appointments due to this now.

apple watch series 11, iphone 15 both ios up to date, phone on charger and watch fully charged

this has happened twice now. sleep focus on, i fall asleep with alarms set and wake up to my phone with a black screen and loading circle like it’s powering down and i cannot turn it off or on. the second time it happened i figured out if i shut my watch down, my phone shuts off the rest of the way and i can then turn it back on. when i did that, i noticed i had 4 hours of heart rate data missing from my watch during the first part of the night. any idea why this is happening or how to fix it? i’ve missed two appointments due to this now.

apple watch series 11, iphone 15 both ios up to date, phone on charger and watch fully charged

since getting an apple watch and regularly using sleep focus i’ve notice that when i get calls and a voicemail is left, the voicemail often just says “hello? hello?” or something along the lines of the caller not knowing they’re leaving a voicemail. i asked the person i called back this morning what it does and they said it rings once and clicks, not playing my “leave a voicemail” message. i’ve searched and i can’t figure out how to fix this. amy ideas?

i’m just getting over a bad stomach bug that left me in the biggest flare up i’ve had yet. nothing i’ve tried has helped these excruciating cramps.. it’s like 12/10 please take me out pain. heating pad didn’t help. any tips? 😭

i’m still very new to this so i dont know all the tips and tricks, i was just diagnosed under a month ago and have been having daily issues for the past year but i’ve never had the cramping be this intense.

i used a few different calculators online to figure out how much i need to be eating and such. i dont know if anyone would know if this seems right or not but i figured i’d ask:

30F, 5’7, 253lbs

i walk for an hour on the treadmill 4-5 days a week, otherwise live a somewhat sedentary lifestyle (i do spend time doing chores around the house and i have multiple appointments each week out of the house but in my downtime i do sit or lay on the couch quite a bit). i suppose i’d call myself lightly active overall. i’d like to do more but i’m just starting out.

calculated my body fat percentage to be 59.4% using calculator.net (US navy method)

calculated my tdee to be 1,906cal using tdeecalculator.net

calculated my resting energy (bmr) to also be 1,906cal using calculator.net (katch-mcardle method using body fat %) though my apple watch estimates it to be around 2100cal

i dont know how accurate these methods are, which is why i’m asking for some input to see if this seems right. i’d like to lose weight the healthy way with my main focus on feeling better rather than looking better.

i am currently holding so much stress and trauma that is is affecting my body physically. i am in physical and emotional pain every day. a lot of it if not all of it correlates to my body holding on to trauma and stress and the usual suggestions (meditation, breathing exercises, keeping a healthy routine, light exercise) aren’t working, though i do all of those things almost every day. i get a one hour session with my therapist every week and it just doesn’t feel like enough time, or i feel like i’m not using that hour wisely. i’ve realized i need to stop venting and get to work but i dont know what to ask or how to word what i need. i need help with being able to release this stress and trauma my body is holding but i dont know how. i dont know if any of this even makes sense. i’m just really struggling and i’m tired of my body hurting so much. what can i ask for or does anyone have anything i could try to help myself?

most of my trauma is due to loss. physical losses of so many loved ones (4 in the past 6 months as well as spread over the past 16 years). loss of the family i grew up with due to everyone going their own way after some of the losses of family members. loss of myself and my potential. loss of my happiness, if it ever even existed at all. a lifelong difficult relationship with my mother and so many self esteem issues that have come with that. emotional abuse. sexual abuse and relationship trauma. overmedication of the wrong psych meds. SH and multiple attempts. 13 years of drug and alcohol addiction to try to numb all of this pain (i’m 10 months sober now, i’ve never made it this far before). i feel like i have done some healing but that has just come with more hardships. finally having a clear enough mind to realize what i’ve gone through and it’s like i’m mourning myself and the life i could have had. i just don’t know how to go about the healing process from here. it’s all just so much right now and it’s hurting me physically.

i am currently holding so much stress and trauma that is is affecting my body physically. i am in physical and emotional pain every day. a lot of it if not all of it correlates to my body holding on to trauma and stress and the usual suggestions (meditation, breathing exercises, keeping a healthy routine, light exercise) aren’t working, though i do all of those things almost every day. i get a one hour session with my therapist every week and it just doesn’t feel like enough time, or i feel like i’m not using that hour wisely. i’ve realized i need to stop venting and get to work but i dont know what to ask or how to word what i need. i need help with being able to release this stress and trauma my body is holding but i dont know how. i dont know if any of this even makes sense. i’m just really struggling and i’m tired of my body hurting so much. what can i ask for or does anyone have anything i could try to help myself?

most of my trauma is due to loss. physical losses of so many loved ones (4 in the past 6 months as well as spread over the past 16 years). loss of the family i grew up with due to everyone going their own way after some of the losses of family members. loss of myself and my potential. loss of my happiness, if it ever even existed at all. a lifelong difficult relationship with my mother and so many self esteem issues that have come with that. emotional abuse. sexual abuse and relationship trauma. overmedication of the wrong psych meds. SH and multiple attempts. 13 years of drug and alcohol addiction to try to numb all of this pain (i’m 10 months sober now, i’ve never made it this far before). i feel like i have done some healing but that has just come with more hardships. finally having a clear enough mind to realize what i’ve gone through and it’s like i’m mourning myself and the life i could have had. i just don’t know how to go about the healing process from here. it’s all just so much right now and it’s hurting me physically.

i am currently holding so much stress and trauma that is is affecting my body physically. i am in physical and emotional pain every day. a lot of it if not all of it correlates to my body holding on to trauma and stress and the usual suggestions (meditation, breathing exercises, keeping a healthy routine, light exercise) aren’t working, though i do all of those things almost every day. i get a one hour session with my therapist every week and it just doesn’t feel like enough time, or i feel like i’m not using that hour wisely. i’ve realized i need to stop venting and get to work but i dont know what to ask or how to word what i need. i need help with being able to release this stress and trauma my body is holding but i dont know how. i dont know if any of this even makes sense. i’m just really struggling and i’m tired of my body hurting so much. what can i ask for or does anyone have anything i could try to help myself?

most of my trauma is due to loss. physical losses of so many loved ones (4 in the past 6 months as well as spread over the past 16 years). loss of the family i grew up with due to everyone going their own way after some of the losses of family members. loss of myself and my potential. loss of my happiness, if it ever even existed at all. a lifelong difficult relationship with my mother and so many self esteem issues that have come with that. emotional abuse. sexual abuse and relationship trauma. overmedication of the wrong psych meds. SH and multiple attempts. 13 years of drug and alcohol addiction to try to numb all of this pain (i’m 10 months sober now, i’ve never made it this far before). i feel like i have done some healing but that has just come with more hardships. finally having a clear enough mind to realize what i’ve gone through and it’s like i’m mourning myself and the life i could have had. i just don’t know how to go about the healing process from here. it’s all just so much right now and it’s hurting me physically.

i am currently holding so much stress and trauma that is is affecting my body physically. i am in physical and emotional pain every day. a lot of it if not all of it correlates to my body holding on to trauma and stress and the usual suggestions (meditation, breathing exercises, keeping a healthy routine, light exercise) aren’t working, though i do all of those things almost every day. i get a one hour session every week and it just doesn’t feel like enough time, or i feel like i’m not using that hour wisely. i’ve realized i need to stop venting and get to work but i dont know what to ask or how to word what i need. i need help with being able to release this stress and trauma my body is holding but i dont know how. i dont know if any of this even makes sense. i’m just really struggling and i’m tired of my body hurting so much. what can i ask for or does anyone have anything i could try to help myself?

i have not had a pain free day in 6 months which is very new for me. i have always been physically pretty fine my whole life. 6+ months of menstrual issues, widespread daily body pain, digestive issues, fatigue and malaise every day.. and stress 100% makes it worse. but how can i NOT be stressed out when experiencing all of this and having no answers or help yet? it’s taken so long to get into specialists (i’ve seen a GI once, cardiologist once, will be seeing a neurologist this month, my GP just did an autoimmune blood test panel and i’m waiting for the rest of the results from that.. so far inflammation markers were high though but i could have told you that just from how i feel). i meditate, i try to keep healthy routines and eat well, i take walks on my treadmill when i feel able to, i see a therapist, peer support, and a crisis counselor. i just can’t relax. does anyone have any tips or advice on how to help myself while i wait for answers?

i have not had a pain free day in 6 months which is very new for me. i have always been physically pretty fine my whole life. 6+ months of menstrual issues, widespread daily body pain, digestive issues, fatigue and malaise every day.. and stress 100% makes it worse. but how can i NOT be stressed out when experiencing all of this and having no answers or help yet? it’s taken so long to get into specialists (i’ve seen a GI once, cardiologist once, will be seeing a neurologist this month, my GP just did an autoimmune blood test panel and i’m waiting for the rest of the results from that.. so far inflammation markers were high though but i could have told you that just from how i feel). i meditate, i try to keep healthy routines and eat well, i take walks on my treadmill when i feel able to, i see a therapist, peer support, and a crisis counselor. i just can’t relax. does anyone have any tips or advice on how to help myself while i wait for answers?

i’m in constant physical and systemic pain every day from the stress. i try to suppress the grief because i dont know what to do with it. because when it comes to the surface, the memories of them passing are at the forefront. the way my dog’s head lowered in my hands as his heart stopped beating, my hands rested in a puddle of drool created by the sedative. the way my cat quickly laid his head on my chest when he felt the sedative kick in and watching him take his last breath out when they administered the euthanasia. i can’t shake those moments from my mind so i try to block out the grief. and it’s hurting me physically. those two were everything to me. and i lost them 5 months apart to the day. december 30th and april 30th. i dont know how to function without them. i don’t know how to let myself grieve.

my 15 year old black kitty. i’d had him for literally half of my life. he was absolutely everything to me.

i’d made a post a few days prior about feeling guilty for the decision to have him euthanized, and i greatly appreciate the support i received. i was just unsure that it was the right decision.. but it turns out it was. unfortunately he was ready.. and the night before he let me know that.

i gave him his favorite treats before bed, then followed him to the couch shaped scratcher he liked to sit on so i could sit down and pet him for a bit. then he crawled into my lap and we stayed there for 45 minutes. he rested his head in my hand and just relaxed completely. i took this time to talk to him and tell him how grateful i am for him, and thanked him for being my best friend all these years and saving my life countless times just by being such a wonderful source of comfort. this was so special to me because that’s what he always did to comfort me, and he hadn’t done that in a while (he just hadn’t been himself for a while). i’d be crying and he’d come lay in my lap and i’d pet him until i felt better. i feel like this was him saying goodbye.

i took him to bed with me and he stayed for a while, then left for a bit. he came back and woke me up at 6am for more snuggles. something else he hadn’t done in a while. i got up and went to target to get his favorite treat tubes and we spent the rest of the morning on the couch together.

his appointment was at 3pm. my family and i went back to the room we’re too familiar with at this point (this was our 3rd loss in 4 months). he passed away in my arms with his head rested over my heart as i petted him and kissed his head and told him how much i love him. then i just held him for a while. i just can’t believe our chapter of life is over. it feels like half of my heart is missing.

i’m hoping to get his ashes back soon. he was cremated in his batman cape with his favorite catnip pickle. i got to keep his collar and a small baggie of his fur. i’m glad i can still feel his fur but it kills me that this is the only way i’ll ever be able to feel him again. i miss my baby boy so much.

i knew he wasn’t gonna live forever.. but i just never even thought about life without him. i guess i just assumed he’d always be there. because he was, for 15 of my 30 years. i just feel so empty without him. my anxiety has been through the roof and i’m so stressed out my muscles hurt from constantly being so tense. i have cried quite a bit, but mostly i just feel numb.

a positive thought is that he’s with his brother again. our dog who we lost 4 months ago from the day my kitty died. i have so many pictures of them together. they were best friends. i just know my kitty ran right to my pup when he crossed the rainbow bridge. i have both of their collars on my nightstand and they are my phone background. i’m also working on a memorial canvas wall that will sit above a table with their ashes and collars and favorite things. they were the best ever and i miss them so much.

life is different now, and i absolutely hate it. but i know i have to keep going. i know they’ll always be with me. i love them so much.

this year has been one of the hardest of my life. between a multitude of health issues (feels like my body is giving up on me), family issues, and the loss of 3 beloved family pets.. my life is on fire. i haven’t had a day this year that wasn’t total agony. the relapse thoughts are so loud and they have been for the past few days especially. but i finally know that numbing the pain and running away isn’t the answer. it has never helped, and it definitely won’t help now. choosing to stay sober has made me feel so strong through all of this. i cannot recommend therapy and support groups enough. i know there will always be a possibility that i’ll slip up, as that’s life as an addict.. but for now (and hopefully forever), i finally have the upper hand. it feels so good to push through such hard times without running back to weed or alcohol like i always have.

9 months sober on friday. ❤️