r/ChronicIllness

Not sure what tag to use for this but basically I need all the help I can get with naps, they are so so helpful for my illness and I get SO fatigued but i struggle so hard? It sounds so silly with something that should obviously be so easy.

naps are always so elusive for me 🥲 i lay there for an hour or more with my eyes closed and never fall asleep and have tried calming music, background shows, silence, all of it. Idk how to embrace the napping but I could use all the advice I can get. Sometimes i get lucky and fall asleep for about an hour but its not often and light sleep🥲

So any tips for a chronic bad napper who desperately needs to get better at it?

I don’t know if I fall under the chronic illness category but I’ve had physical health problems that have caused me to be unable to work, do school, or drive for 7 months now. So I’m 26 years old and I live with my mother. I currently have temporary physical disabilities that prevent me from working, going to school, driving, and doing a bunch of other things. This started after I took a lot of antibiotics in December. This caused my first set of health problems. I had to drop out of school, leave my job, and move out of the room I was renting and live with my mother.

On April 26, the 50lb shutters on my window collapsed and fell on me. I developed concussion symptoms after that. I’ve gone to so many doctors (fyi, my mom doesn’t drive me to appointments or to pick up meds, I use non-emergency medical transportation which is covered by my insurance) none of them can find anything wrong with me.

I’m going to see a new PCP and hopefully get a referral to a neurologist. My symptoms have gotten better over time, which is why I don’t believe my meds are causing these problems. What I need is time to recover from my health problems. My plan is to allow myself to recover and to go back to school, get a part time job, and move into university housing when I am well enough to go to school. On Monday, I’m going to look into getting SSDI.

My mother is an emotionally abusive and controlling woman. I do want to get out of her house but I don’t have any family or friends who will let me live with them except for 1 friend. But this friend lives in an apartment with 3 other people and I’m concerned one of them would take issue with me living there and potentially report me.

My mother thinks that I am purposefully taking advantage of her and choosing to live my life like this. I am not- I told her this and my plans to move out and be independent. I want to fully recover and be independent. I am looking into case management services, transitional housing, and a shelter. My grandfather said he could pay the rent for the transitional housing. But it’s almost impossible to get into a shelter in my county if you’re single with no children, not pregnant, and not fleeing from intimate partner violence.

She thinks I’m not doing everything to recover and that I’m severely mentally ill, which is not true. I take 42 mg of caplyta and 12.5 mg of seroquel once a day (I am not bipolar or schizophrenic. These are just the meds that help me). She developed this ridiculous idea that my meds are causing my health problems. I started my meds months before my health problems even started.

My health problems are attributed to heavy antibiotic usage and the accident regarding my shutters. She has used ChatGPT and whatever her aunt (who’s a retired psychiatrist) said to justify her beliefs. I saw a psychiatric NP and a PA who told me that my meds were likely not causing these problems and my mother refused to believe this.

I asked her if a letter from a psychiatrist explaining that my meds are not the problem would suffice and she said no. I told her that no doctor I’ve seen (and I’ve seen a lot) believes my meds are causing my problems and this is still not enough justification for her.

I got her to agree to go to an appointment with me and a psychiatrist (Not a PA or NP) to discuss my meds. She agreed. Now I just need to ensure the psychiatrist is on board with this and prepare this person for how my mother is going to act. I’m also going to ask my grandfather if he would do a trial run of me living with him.

This is my first time coming on any sort of support group but I think I genuinely need it because no one in my life so far has been understanding or helpful and I think it is out of ignorance and the fact that they will never understand what it’s like to have a chronic illness and be chronic pain. I don’t know if this is the right place to share this, but it’s been hardest with my family. I do have resentment with my family members, especially because of trauma and things that have happened in my life because of their choices. This situation as a whole has been so scary and debilitating, especially when I had a really bad flareup last year and I just feel like they have not been supportive or caring at all, and I don’t know what to do with that. For reference, I am 22 last August I was hospitalized for three days because I had a shit load of symptoms and they didn’t know what was causing them. I feel like instead of being cared for and supported they thought I was being dramatic. I had to take a medical leave from school due to my health issues and health trauma and through that time I had realized a lot of it was connected to my child for trauma. Idk I’m just so lost and confused and sometimes I feel like being around my family is what’s making me sicker because of my resentment towards them. I have tried to give them any excuses during this time like maybe they just don’t understand or maybe they’re doing the best they can but I really don’t feel that way and I haven’t had this conversation with them because I know it’ll just be flipped around on me.

Recently got dignosed with non radiographical axial spondyloartharitis i am in early 30's

My rhemutologist calls my as mild

I have no morning pain or stiffness or night pain

I have no overt erosions ,no fatty metaplasia , no scelrosis

Clean blood markers and no symptoms other than back pain

I was dignosed solely on billateral sacrolitis with edema more on illac side than sacral

My stiffness is guarding in low back that's goes off by bird dogs instantly

My pain is in only in movement like bending down etc

I have no problem laying down or sitting as long as I want

Very little to no fatigue

However the abolsuute worst part about my disease it's never ending

It's the weight of dignosis

The fact that it will keep getting worse as time goes on

I simply don't see the point of living anymore. Everytime I take med i think what's the point? It won't heal me

I started taking upacidyn one tablet a day just from a day ago

I simply don't see the point of living anymore

I have low key given up i hardly leave my room anymore

What I want is never happening and simply not possible, I don't see the point anymore

Edit : my blood markers are crp 2.5 and esr 7 tested 2 days ago

Hello all. Thought I’d join and share my chronic illness story. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and liver cirrhosis in my early twenties. No it was not from alcohol. I’ve been taking Pentasa and Ursodiol and have been in remission for a long time.

In 2017 I was diagnosed with testicular seminoma cancer, which means it spread into my lymph nodes in my back and one leg. I had no symptoms besides some back pain so I didn’t know I had it and it was left untreated for a long time. Found and treated with chemo and Grastofil injections and surgery leaving me with lymphedema in my right leg. At the time I was also diagnosed having been born with Hypogonadism, which was the cause. I’ve been on TRT ever since.

2025 in the span of a week I became very ill and jaundice, I went into acute liver failure. Found out it was from PSC liver disease from having Ulcerative Colitis. This was why I developed Cirrhosis. I needed and received an urgent liver transplant. During this surgery they had to remove my gallbladder and do a bowel resection as well.

From about 2023 to 2025 I had a biliary drain in my side. Progressing biliary strictures from my first transplant. I needed a second liver transplant. Early 2025 I had the second transplant surgery. This time, things went much better.

2026 I developed an intussusception which was caused by the original bowel resection where it had been stapled together. I had another resection surgery to fix it, this time they sewed the ends together instead of staples.

I’ve been on immuno suppressants for my transplants and a couple other medications. Anyway, that’s the short form of my chronic illness journey.

My best friend and I are both chronically ill. Different illnesses, but lots of similar symptoms/issues. One of which being gastric issues. My best friend was staying over at my house the other day, and she said "oh my stomach is doing things" so she wandered off to the bathroom, and as she went in she turned on the extractor fan saying "whack this on for politeness". I retorted with "girl you know that if I heard a plop, I'd be clapping and cheering for you". To a non chronically ill person, celebrating bowel movements may seem very strange to say the least, but in a friendship where you both have gastric issues, a bowel movement is a win.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I love kids and have always found myself babysitting or volunteering with them and I have always been naturally so good with kids. My diagnosis is not researched enough but some research has found that it can be hereditary. I could not live with myself if I passed my illness down to my child so I have decided I won’t have any biological children. As of now I don’t even know if I could adopt but that is something I would consider down the line if I were to get better. This brings me to my big question. I have been with my bf for 3 years now. We are both 23 and have talked a little bit about marriage and kids here and there but I haven’t opened up to him about not wanting to have biological children since is a newer thing I realized I will not be able to do. Even if he did want to stay with me after telling him, I don’t know if that would be fair of me to stay with him. I feel like I would be robbing him of one of the most beautiful parts of life and I love him so much I don’t think I could do that to him. I see him with kids or just interact with kids and general and just wanna sob at the fact that I may not get my own to love and take care of one day (biological or not). So anyways, what would you guys do? Have you found partners that don’t want kinds at all? Have you both chosen not to have kids and been happy with the decision? Does anyone’s partner resent them for not being able to have kids? I don’t know I’ve talked about this in therapy a million times but it doesn’t seem to help sooo maybe advice or real life experience can help on here.

CE: weight stigma, suicide, sex, cursing

TLDR- medical system failed me. Misdiagnosed with depression. Came close to death before finding real diagnosis by demanding ER CT scan. Large brain tumor found behind right eye.

They didn't do a brain scan prior to treatment even though I asked for one. How else do you track progress? Doctor told me "it's to expensive ". The tms treatment had no effect on my "depression " because the diagnosis was wrong. They did tms left side and I started having migraines. They switched to right side stimulation and that is where my tumor was located. The migraines made me vomit. The summer heat increased the swelling. I was going around with a ziploc bag to vomit in while I continued to try and live a normal life. I was prescribed migraine medication and anti nausea pills but they has no effect. I went to pcp to try and get imaging but the closest center had a 2 week wait. I was starting to have right side stroke symptoms on my face.

I asked to go to ER. Called my 21 year old step daughter to drive me. Immediately got a CT there ams they found a large tumor behind my right eye. I was so relieved to get the real diagnosis after 2 years of chronic illness rapidly accelerating despite trying every treatment available for depression. Dozens of doctors, blood tests, medications, genetic test, therapy, yoga, leaving work on fmla, dieting, working out, trying to lose weight but only gaining despite my best efforts, I tried everything to help my body.

For 2 years maybe longer the tumor was slowly getting bigger and pushing my right hemisphere brain back. My brain started to shut down all non essential functions. I was turning into a zombie. I thought I had aphantasia because I could no longer visualize pictures. Brain fog moved in. Hobbies didn't interest me. I felt disconnected from loved ones. I was scared. I didn't understand what was happening to me.

I lost my creativity, my connection to my faith and everyone I loved. I was suicidal. Life didn't seem worth living and felt like it would never improve. I was scared of going to hell or failing to complete an attempt and ending up disabled. So I planned and ideated instead. I sat in my running car in the garage and cried while trying to suffocate. Didn't work. I made a noose and researched how to do it properly. Meanwhile continuing with my depression treatments. I'm so glad I never went through with it.

I went on vacation with my mom to see my sister in Hawai'i and had some fun. But I was tired. I would sleep all night and wake up with no energy. I was told to exercise more and eat right. Fat shamed by my family and doctors. Am I lazy? Maybe. No energy to do laundry or dishes or cleaning. I am a piece of sh*t. Not good enough. A worthless waste of space.

So after ER I was ambulanced to the closet hospital with a neurosurgeon. Stabilized in the ICU until my turn for surgery. Surgeon said a few more days and I would have gone blind or died suddenly. June 9th was my turn and I had faith God put me in good hands. The surgery was 9 hours total. Went better than expected. My right eye was salvaged. Tumor sent off for biopsy. When I woke up I felt amazing. Everything came rushing back. I was me again and better than ever.

The recovery process will be long. This was brain surgery not wisdom tooth removal. My brain is confused as to what happened. My body was weak from being bed bound. I didn't feel the sun for 3 weeks. Light hurt my right eye so bad. Too much sound or light or activity overloaded my brain quickly. Executive functioning and impulse control were dysfunctional. I couldn't regulate my emotions. I felt disconnected from my own body. I was so scared and kept asking nurses and doctors how was I doing and what was needed to help me recover. I couldn't see out of my swollen right eye. I couldn't think straight. My family was unable to visit me in the hospital, so I was alone most of the time. I started calling friends and family to reconnect using video calls so I could see their face and their lips while talking and to see their eyes connect with mine helped a lot

I was a fall and seizure risk so not allowed out of bed alone. The hospital was short staffed so I couldn't reliably get help. I didn't want pain meds because of a bad trip from oxy. So i lived off ice packs for the pain. I begged nurses to let me walk the hallways but they were too busy to babysit me. I was able to walk with a walker but only under supervision.

I had no one to hug me to advocate for me to explain what's going on. My friends helped but their own lives are so busy. I felt so helpless and scared and lonely.

I was told by a hospital neurosurgery lady that once I got to outpatient treatment I would make rexovery progress. She assumed I would be discharged after a few days.

My left arm swelled up for 3 days then the pressure popped painfully. Sonogram showed a blood clot. Specialist came in and helped me.

I developed a strange rash a few days after transfer to neurological recovery unit. all over my chest, neck and waist. Not itchy or painful thankfully. No treatment was provided.

I couldn't poop. No muscle action, no urge, no gas. My abdomen bloated to painful levels. I begged everyone to help me. I would do anything. They gave me stool softeners, 5 different enemas, all the prune juice, this lemon fizzy thing, miralax, ducolax, but nothing worked. For almost 3 weeks I couldn't poop. I started to think my gut brain axis got severed. I thought I was gonna die from not pooping. They did an abdominal xray but nothing was compacted. I was miserable. Suppositories helped me feel some cramping but still couldn't move stool.

Finally my aunt called my mom and said for me to get the colonoscopy prep liquid. So I did and and chugged the first dose. The hospital decided to release me to rehab an hour later. I pooped all the way there and then got my first shower since being hospitalized on the 5th of June. It was now June 17th, 2026.

Finally a place to heal. Rehab was transformative.

I made so many friends there. Talking to people felt so good after being alone for so long. I could go for walks, outside even! I felt the breeze, saw birds and flowers. Touched a tree. Felt the rain on my skin. Snuggled with therapy dogs. I felt alive again. I can't wait to go visit and give back as much as I can. I want to help everyone have a good life and make a difference in the world.

When I had moments of mental clarity, I would write down things to tell my doctors and nurses because my working memory was impaired. I exported my thoughts to paper.

I got better at listening to my body. I could understand what it needed and I would give it the nourishment necessary to get better. I told my doctor about my extreme pain levels and they overhauled my medication so that I could function better.

When I could somewhat see out of both eyes, I started to organize my brain by Journaling and writing notes. My body was weak but my mind was steadily getting stronger. I was motivated and positive and happy to be alive.

I discharged home on June 30th. Can barely walk but my mind is getting organized and I developed systems and routines to help me.

I'm on the path to getting my life back and I'm going to make sure it's a kick ass one because it's the one life I have.

And I lived happily ever after. The End.

So I decided to rant about this because I’m seeing these chronically ill fitness influencers, and saying how they “push through” to go to workout or whatever. I’m a teenager with chronic pain and POTS. and everyone around me tells me to push myself and I’m fucking tired of seeing and hearing it from everybody. Like it’s this stupid harmful narrative everywhere. I barely know how to deal with my own body anymore, I don’t what limits I even have. I’m already miserable from the fact that I can’t play volleyball anymore, or barely walk for a mile. I hate hearing it. And not even that, but people with chronic illnesses are pushing it too. Are my parents are constantly saying I need to get up, or they lecture me I’m become deconditioned, and honestly at this point I don’t care, let it happen, I’m already suffering as is, maybe then everyone would telling me what to do with myself.

I want to start a discussion around employment for the disabled.

I am considered disabled, have injuries and illnesses, and am unemployed.

Finding work has been impossible and it's got my brain in a spin.

The main reason I'm considered 'unemployable' is because I cannot commit myself to set hours. My conditions render me unreliable. I am also considered a 'work cover risk'.

For example, some days I can barely move, other days I have severe migraines and can't even get out of bed or use my phone. 

Then I have days I feel could put in a few hours of work.

Having been a small business owner I understand the need for reliable employees and also the consequences of having an employee end up on work cover.

I just think there has to be a way to give people with disabilities, injuries and illnesses the chance to work and earn an income. 

Obviously I don't have the answers. But maybe, just maybe, someone out there has some ideas?

TW: >!Suicidal Ideation, emotional abuse, body shaming, weight changes!<

I have never felt this deeply isolated or depressed in my life since I started collecting a bunch of chronic illnesses about 5 years ago (I'm now 26F). I pushed away friends from rl because when I tried opening up, they gave me such invalidating advice that made me feel worse. I became practically homebound from how debilitating the fatigue from my chronic illnesses, deconditioning from being mainly sedentary, and severe depression have been. I saw my rl friends move on with their lives normally, leading me to completely isolate more and remove all social media, and let connections fade.

My family throughout this whole ordeal, has been completely unsupportive, not understanding, and in fact emotionally abusive by >!wishing death upon me!<, body shaming and name calling while I was dealing with a body undergoing physical changes that I could not control due to having to change my eating habits in an attempt to cope with my illnesses (a lot of gastrointestinal issues). I have never had a good relationship with them to begin with, but I never imagined they would go to such extremes while going through the worst time in my life. I knew I could not rely on family and have since hid everything that goes on with my health as much as possible.

After this and having had my real life connections fall apart (they already weren't strong to begin with, I've never felt like I've ever had a solid support system or friendships) I tried, with not much luck, to build friendships online. I have tried to keep my health struggles hidden, tried to act normal but eventually I break because they treat me with the same level of carelessness that they would treat someone who is perfectly healthy and not severely depressed and these friendships don't ever really last. The few times when I've tried to open up in hopes of being treated with more care I have found that most of these people lack empathy, are not capable to provide support, or I receive unsolicited advice that ends up making me feel worse because the things they say are so invalidating. They make me feel like I'm apparently not trying hard enough and that it's fully in my control to cure myself because they simply do not understand chronic illness or what I'm going through. In the end, I am now left feeling lonelier and more misunderstood than ever.

The few things that had been helping me are being stolen from me by my conditions as well. One of the few things that had been helping me to cope was voice chatting online while gaming, calling with people, and now one of my conditions (LPR) is stealing my voice from me. I used to love to sing as well, it relieved stress, I can't even do that anymore. In fact, I was referred to talk therapy and I don't even know how I can do that anymore if talking for long periods of time is making my condition worse. The meds I take are not helping. This feels like hell.

I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I have already been dealing with so much health wise, with conditions that seem unmanageable or a mystery for years, and severe depression that has gotten in the way of me wanting to even continue to get help, and now it feels even worse seeing that when I finally gather the courage to try to seek support from others, it ends up being so invalidating. I have already tried therapy in the past when my voice wasn't this bad, it did not help. I think it gets to a point where therapy simply cannot replace the need for human connection and feeling loved. I don't think I have ever felt truly loved outside of romantic relationships. And now I don't even see how anyone could want me with this fragile body. I feel like a burden. I don't know who to turn to anymore.

I spend most of my days doing what I need to in bed, without wanting to get up,>!wishing I no longer existed and fantasizing about death!<if it means I will no longer have to deal with these conditions alone and not have to live in a world with people who don't have compassion or empathy. I just hope I'm not alone in feeling this way. I still hold on to a bit of hope that there are people out there who understand me, which is why I'm resorting to this community, I guess in hopes to find people to connect with because I am tired of feeling alone and misunderstood and I feel like I'm slowly losing this fight.

How do you determine when it is appropriate to use your wheelchair and how often?

The obvious answer would be listening to your body when it tells you, but i have a problem with that.

I have a horrific habit if turning reddit posts into full on essays so im gonna try not to do that but I have a cheap transport chair and following the advice of my old pt "making sure I don't become dependant on it" has resulted in me being significantly less mobile, going with the lightest support options dont work for me anymore after about a year of doing so.

I have me/cfs and elhers danlos and the whole family of things that come with both. Right now i would consider my ME between mild and moderate. However its been a struggle, my "push-crash" pattern has a lot to do with a little something I like to call 🫧cortisol maxxing🫧. It feels terrible but im trying to be positive about it. Basically what happens, is i can see the signs and symptoms on my body of a flare coming up and not sure what it is if its adrenaline or what but I start feeling almost manic like I cant feel whats going on in my body but I know its there and im exhausted but I cant stop or sit still. After a few days I flare and feel really bad and i can feel my body screaming to stop and i just cannot sit with it for long enough to recover and the cycle starts over and then after a few rounds of that I have major crashes that alter my baseline.

Its been really difficult to accurately assess where I am, and all I know is that im not getting any better. So I have been trialing using my wheelchair more often even for things that I could just get up and walk for. But my brain is still filled with heavily internalized stigma around deconditioning and all that. Physically I dont need to use it full time and just transfer to other seats and stuff because I can still technically walk, but my body also cant recover from like anything end every month i havs these monumental crashes because I cant seem to slow down when my body tells me to and even when i tell mtself to.

Is anyone who is ambulatory use their chair full time? What led to the decision? How are we building trust in bodies that cant recover from or sit with pain? I really wanted to try and follow drs orders to a t so that they would take me seriously but there ks a very clear correlation to my decline and how hard i was trying to avoid higher support mobility aids. Whats yalls advice? I do know I am not in a properly fitted or suitable chair, and I am working on figuring out how to get one. I just switched care teams so I think irs gonna be awhile before i can get a referral for that, but i am still looking at various resources.

Everyone talks about the physical effects of chronic illness, but no one talks about the mental struggles that come with it. A lot of people dealing with chronic illness end up facing depression, long-term stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues because of their condition. And it sucks.

It doesn’t help that we live in a world where people call you “lazy” for prioritizing your health. You get insulted, judged, and basically harassed. People act like they know everything about your illness when, in reality, they don’t — and that makes it even harder to cope.

I also hate how people think they’re “motivating” you when they’re actually doing the opposite. They’re harming you without realizing it… and sometimes they do realize it and still keep doing it. I have family members who say some pretty harsh, insensitive things, and they genuinely believe they’re helping.

And don’t get me started on the whole “you’re using your health as an excuse” thing. I’m not using my illness as an excuse — I’m using it as a reason, an explanation for why I can’t do certain things. Some activities will jeopardize my health, and a lot of people just don’t understand that.

Does anyone else go through this?

TW: weight gain, under eating, depression, su1c1dal thoughts

I’ve been in a flare for months. I’ve had a sprained side since last September (hEDS). No one can figure out how to fix it. I’ve also been on birth control trials for presumed endometriosis. First one made me smewicidal & caused stroke-like aura migraines.

Now I’m trying a second one. After 2 weeks of heavy bleeding and INSANE cramping, I’m now dealing with intense nausea, lack of appetite/ under eating, insane weight gain (+8 pounds in ONE day), bladder issues, joint pain, and intense bloating (to the point where I can’t zip up my jeans or fit into my shirts).

Today was supposed to be a fun day. My partner and I are supposed to go to our towns 4th celebration. I woke up feeling like complete shit. Drank some water… instant bloating, heat flashes, and nausea. Im sweating just sitting here in our air conditioned house. My side hurts so bad. It’s freezing up on me when I stand up for too long or twist the wrong way. It’s hot and muggy outside, so sweats + sweatshirt isn’t an option. I have nothing to wear. Cramps. Stomach ache.

I just want to cry. I am so fucking frustrated. I wanted ONE DAY to get out of the house and have some fun. I’m doing everything right- diet, PT, hydration, meditation, journaling, medication… but nothing is working. I AM MISERABLE. I JUST WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MY SKIN.

I have daily migraines and otherwise healthy eyes. Lately I’ve noticed that sometimes the only thing that eases the pain is not only sunglasses but just laying with a sleeping mask eyes open or closed. Can this be harmful on the long run? I tried to google but couldn’t find anything.

Hiya duckies. I've got POTS, ME/CFS (both mild at the moment) and bile acid malabsorption. Ive been having some weird pain in my side recently that doctors have diagnosed as a cyst/tumour on my ovary. It's most likely benign, but there's a cancer-causing gene that we've recently discovered runs in my family, so the surgeons are discussing whether to operate asap. Either way I'll be having surgery soon, in the next month or two most likely.

Anyways I'm sure this gets asked a lot, but any tips for recovery and dealing with the surgery? The doctors already know about my POTS and are very good at helping me get up and giving me saline whenever I'm there as a patient etc. and I assume I'll get the hospital grade compression socks anyways. I had general anesthetic when I was a teenager, and have only had locals for dental work or skin stuff since then, always with no adrenaline in it.

Just wondering if any of you have recently gone through a minor-ish surgery like this, and how it affected you?

TIA x

How do you keep going when the doctors and your family make you feel like you’re crazy?

Im going into my 10th year and I just feel like i have had enough of it all

Went in to the ER because I had numbness from my abdomen down to my feet. After an MRI, they found multiple lesions on my brain and a few on my spine. They said it was caught early, but after a lumbar puncture, it’s been determined I have relapsing remitting MS.

Right now until I’m on some sort of DMT, I’m on a prednisone taper to help with the numbness, but my brain frog is so insane that I have trouble concentrating, and I’m not sure if it’s right for me to start going into nursing school in August, when I don’t know where I’ll be in the future, or what I could even do. I have no idea what my next relapse could look like, or if this numbness and fog is going to go away or get worse.

The absolute worst part of being in the hospital was the nurses coming in and congratulating me on getting accepted, and immediately following it up with “there are still some things you can do as a nurse”

I’m so sad, and so terrified. Right now I’m sitting in my office at work crying because I can’t do the most simple tasks because of the brain fog that I can’t tell if it’s coming from the prednisone or just the MS in general.

I have a chronic neurological condition to where I’m dizzy daily. It’s been here for 14 years and only getting worse.

I can’t function daily. My kids missed out on being kids because of me. I hate myself. I don’t dislike, I hate myself.

Everyday I ask God why me. Why do I have to go through this. What is my purpose? I can’t drive, I don’t go into stores alone and even when I do I feel like I’m going to die. It’s fucking miserable. I’m fucking miserable.

I hate my husband as well. His family isn’t enough for him to stop drinking and he’s definitely a trigger for me.

I don’t know what to do with my life. I hate myself. I hate my marriage and I am absolutely fucking useless. What purpose does one have ?! I work from home, I work 30 hours and miss 7 days a month from work due to FMLA. I LET everyone down.

I hate myself.

How the hell are the rest of you, if you are able, keeping your houses clean without outside help??

Im going absolutely bonkers trying to maintain my house, despite only existing in my chronic illness couch nest, and I feel like it's next to impossible to do! I have a longterm partner who doesnt live with me, but his visits lately are very few and inconsistent (i know trust me 🙄). I cant afford to hire regular help but its driving me insane lately. The heat is especially making things worse for me...so having to also push through the pain to get the task done is just making me miserable.