u/Working-Package-3687

I'm hoping to get some advice from people who have either lived with OCD themselves or supported someone who has.

This isn't a casual friendship. We're family friends and have known each other for most of our lives. I grew up in her home, know her whole family well, and she's like a sister to me.

For many years, I've believed she's been struggling with severe OCD and anxiety. She has never really spoken openly about it, but it's become increasingly obvious over the years.

Outside of this one topic, our friendship is genuinely good. We laugh together, spend time together, video call, go shopping, and our families remain very close.

The problem is that whenever I gently ask how she's really doing, mention her mental health, or encourage her to seek help, she completely shuts down. She'll change the subject, go completely silent, leave my messages unanswered, or, if we're talking in person, she'll sometimes close her eyes, stop responding altogether, and on a few occasions has even fallen asleep while I was trying to talk to her. I honestly don't know if that's her way of coping, shutting down, becoming overwhelmed, or something else entirely.

I don't think she's trying to hurt or reject me. I know OCD can come with shame, fear, avoidance, and difficulty talking about what's going on internally.

What I'm struggling with is knowing what the most loving and helpful approach actually is.

Should I continue checking in, even if she rarely responds?

Should I stop bringing it up completely?

Should I encourage professional help, or could that make her withdraw further?

For those of you who have OCD:

• What did your friends do that genuinely helped?
• What made you feel safe enough to open up?
• Is there anything you wish the people around you had understood?

For friends or family members:

• How did you support someone without becoming overbearing?
• How did you know when to step back and when to keep reaching out?

I love my friend deeply, but I can't keep pretending everything is okay when it's clear she's struggling. It feels like she's been stuck in the same place for years, and has just given up.

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How do you keep going when the doctors and your family make you feel like you’re crazy?

Im going into my 10th year and I just feel like i have had enough of it all

I'm hoping to get some outside perspective because I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is anymore.

For context, this isn't just a casual friendship.

We're family friends. I grew up in her house. I know her mum, sisters, nieces, and nephew. I was there when her father passed away and spent the following week with the family. She's always felt more like a sibling than just a friend.

We've been close for years.

My friend has struggled with what I strongly believe is severe OCD and anxiety for a long time. She knows I know something is wrong, but whenever I try to gently bring it up or ask how she's really doing, she shuts down, changes the subject, goes silent, or leaves my messages on read.

The confusing part is that outside of this one topic, our friendship feels normal.

She'll video call me.
We'll laugh together.
Talk about our week.
Go shopping.
Spend time with each other's families.

Then, if I try to acknowledge the part of her life that is obviously causing her so much pain, it's like a wall comes up.

I completely understand that mental illness can make people withdraw. I don't think she's trying to hurt me, and I don't believe she doesn't care about me.

But after years of this, it's started affecting me in ways I never expected.

Before seeing her, I get anxious.

If we're alone together, I start overthinking everything I say because I'm terrified of making her OCD worse or saying the wrong thing.

My chest gets tight.

My stomach cramps.

My hands sweat.

Sometimes I rehearse conversations before I even see her.

The hardest part isn't that I can't fix her—I know I can't.

The hardest part is feeling like the place where she suffers most is the one place I'll never be allowed to enter.

I don't want to rescue her.

I don't want to become her therapist.

I don't want to pressure her into talking.

I just wish she'd let me sit beside her in the mess instead of always pretending it doesn't exist.

Sometimes I wonder if she's protecting herself, or if she's protecting me.

One thing that really hurts is that I never know where I stand.

One day she'll call me, laugh with me, and we'll have a wonderful conversation.

The next day I'll send her a heartfelt message, and she'll read it without replying.

I don't think she means to be hurtful, but after years of this inconsistency, it's taken a toll on me.

I feel like I'm grieving a friendship that still exists.

I've reached the point where I don't know whether continuing to bring it up is the loving thing to do or whether I should stop completely and wait until she chooses to talk.

Has anyone been in a situation like this?

If you've struggled with OCD or another mental illness, what did you wish your close friends understood?

And if you've been the friend on the outside, how did you learn to care without slowly losing yourself?

I'm not looking for validation that she's wrong or that I should walk away.

I'm trying to understand how to love someone who won't let me into the room where they're hurting without destroying my own mental health in the process.