Nth time starting tomorrow...
I started drinking last year at around this time. Everything was incredibly overwhelming and alcohol was the only drug that would help me cope. Feeling anxious? alcohol. Feeling bored? alcohol? Lacking motivation? alcohol. Have to interact with the people i dont want to interact with? Alcohol. I would stop drinking when I have to go abroad or when I have to go out of the house early. The people around me don't know even the people I live with because I am extremely high functioning. But I don't like that I am dependent on it to function well. I would feel calm, motivated, confident with the first 2 shots of vodka... Then the headaches would come, that fuzzy feeling that I was not 100% myself...
I really would like to stop feeling dependent on it and feeling so weak at the end of the day because I have to use it as my crutch... I miss the feeling of feeling good and calm without alcohol. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is the day... I hope I can keep that promise to myself tomorrow. I feel so sad and disappointed in myself I don't know what my mindset should be so I could stop drinking...