u/Lletmebex

My sobriety has been incredibly up and down but I’m 4 days sober today after a couple of bad relapses. Anyways, I’ve been speaking to a couple of people and obviously they want to set up dates and meet. I’ve never been on a sober date before I usually drink a bottle of wine before I meet anybody new so it’s pretty scary thinking of doing it sober but I know I need to at least try. But how upfront should I be with people I’m dating/ getting to know about my sobriety and being in AA? I’m guessing some people may find it a deal breaker which is fair enough so I don’t want them to think I was hiding it from them but I’m also not sure it’s something you should say so early on? I don’t know really know which is the best course of action for dating in sobriety?

I tried to go to my first in person meeting today, I got to the building, saw all the people outside and hid behind a bush🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ The thought of people looking at me knowing I am new just made me feel incredibly anxious and I felt like an imposter. When everyone went inside I just stood in front of building, started to cry and rang my friend. She offered to come with me so I picked her up and went to a later meeting with her. I was stood outside the building and I could see everybody in there through these big windows and I knew they could see me and my friend tried really hard to help me feel okay with just walking inside and I just broke down and started hysterically laughing out of nervousness. I ran back to my car crying because I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve been in a room full of people in a social setting without being drunk and the thought of going in there being sober just made me breakdown. Now I feel like an idiot and I am so angry myself for not just going inside it’s such a simple thing and I don’t understand why I couldn’t just walk through the door. My anxiety just got the better of me, I was shaking and sweating. How the hell do I walk through those door without falling apart?

Nobody seems to think I am so why should I say I am?

EDIT:
I’m going to give more context since the comment seems varied….
I told my most favourite people, after a night of us all including me drinking…. Not the best time but honestly when I was sober I was too scared to say anything because I knew there would be questions, backlash and people telling me I’m a wrong.
So after an entire night of me guzzling drinks despite feeling sick I said something and I was met with questions so I was honest the way I will be now.
I can go days without drinking…. If I know I have work in the AM I won’t drink. I plan to make sure I will not have to drive within 12 hours of last drink and I put a timer on my phone. However once I start drinking I will not stop no matter how I feel or what people say. Tonight I felt sick halfway through the night. I drank a water got some fresh air and then ordered myself another double drink so I could catch up on the time, 30 minutes, I had stopped drinking for. When the people with me had enough I accepted it but I was angry knowing I had to go home and realising that I only had alcohol in my house I don’t exactly like but quickly accepted that it is all I would have to drink and trying to find ways to make it more tolerable. I told my people this on the way home, I was harshly honest with the way I felt and their response was ‘well true alcoholics would not care, they would drink and drive. They wouldn’t care what they have to drink’ then they told me to just go to bed when I get home instead of having another drink. I told them I agree and that I was just being dramatic because I didn’t want them to take it serious and come in and take my only alcohol away. That was over two hours ago and I am sure most of you can imagine what I have done since coming home… I felt guilty posting here which is why I didn’t say much about the situation but now I feel it’s nicer to be honest than be vague.

I got to 42 days sober. Then I drank, it wasn’t a ‘bad’ night of drinking all things considered and it spurred me on to think I can drink normally now😂 so I drank again, I don’t remember the night but luckily I was only with safe people so nothing bad happened and I didn’t do anything too ‘bad’ but the hangover sent me into a deep depression. I’ve always had a bit of control with drinking in terms of when I will allow myself to drink, never a morning, never on a day where I have work the morning after, if I do drink I will not drive a car for the next 24 hours after my last drink. But now it’s 11:30am on day 1 and I’ve spent all morning wanting to drink, crying about wanting to drink and convincing myself the only time I am ever happy is when I drink. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle I can’t get out of and I’m spiralling so hard right now, I don’t know what to do. I know what I should do, I should go a meeting but I can’t bring myself to leave the house because the depression is really fucking with my head and brushing my hair feels like too much right now never mind actually having to go outside.

I’m 34 days sober, I’ve only had the courage to go to online meetings so far. Way too anxious to speak up until tonight but I did because they were discussing alcohol free beer and what people think of it. I spoke for the first time ever I was stuttering and a nervous wreck and said tonight I was going to drink but instead I picked up a nonalcoholic beer and it was okay, it distracted me enough to get through. Then one of the hosts went on a huge rant about how non alcoholic beers do have alcohol and fermented fruit in, how it’s a relapse and that’s how people die and then he said ‘it’s a you problem not a me problem’ I felt like an idiot and left the meeting and I’ve been crying ever since because I didn’t know that and he just made me feel like an absolute idiot. So did I break my sobriety tonight?

EDIT: I didn’t expect to get so many responses and I just wanted to say I’m really grateful, I went to a dark place for a minute after that meeting. I know a lot of people can probably relate but I found myself upset, confused and just replaying his words, my brain started to give me excuses why I should just go and drink now. But instead I came here and read every single comment, took myself to bed with a glass of water and I woke up today sober, on day 35 of my sobriety. I appreciate every single one of you that took the time to comment💛💛