u/BakingJake91

DX. My wife and I have been married for 8 years, together for almost 10. She has ADHD and I have Autism. She is the love of my life and my best friend. Lately, however, things have felt more challenging.

Last year we did a big move. I had a new job closer to my family. We'd been talking about making this move for a long time. I have always been the higher earner, which is fine. She has mainly worked part time, but switched professions a few times. Again, there is no concern for me here. I want her to find a job that makes her happy, even if it takes some trial and error. My career history is also far from smooth sailing.

Since the move last October, she has been able to find work. It's a tough job climate ATM. In February, I myself was made redundant from my job as the department I managed was cut. I have also had no success finding work. This has affected both of our mental health badly. I am also noticing increased struggles with her ADHD, which has at time been a cause of tension, and I need advice.

She has a very hard time sitting to do anything perceived as work. She likes to plan her day ahead and tells me the plan, but the plan rarely happens. Procrastination and decision fatigue have become extreme, with simply deciding what to eat for breakfast, becoming a point of stress each day. She tries to create her ideal room environment for doing work, with music and candles, but setting this up often takes longer than the work itself. I am also noticing new habits I have not seen prior to this year, like leaving the fridge door open multiple times day or leaving things like the peanut butter jar on the counter without the lid.

There is an increased pressure for one of us to find work, any work, just so that we can live. With my autism I have a tendency to hyper focus, applying for anything and everything, sometimes with bad consequences. For her, it is the opposite. A guilty acknowledgment that she's not applied for a single job all week, or that great time was invested in a cool job far far away that is not realistic. She then struggles to move out of the guilt, frequently asking if I am mad (a new habit that makes me feel more like a parent than a husband).

We are both receiving therapy, though I started sooner than her, so I am a bit further along. The therapy is CBT. She is not currently on medication as the process in the UK is slow. Do any of you have any good tips to help us both be more focused together?

Usually, my dreams are pretty mundane, if I dream at all. It's an ongoing joke between my wife and I, but this week has been a big exception.

I don't remember full details of these dreams, but here are the details stuck in my mind.

The first dream involved me being beheaded, medieval style, on a podium in front of an audience. The dream continued through the eyes of my head as it rolled away. I do not know why I was executed, but the audience was huge. I wake up.

The second dream featured my wife and I in a bar with a female police officer we briefly chatted to the night before after my wife's phone went missing in real life. We were having a laugh in the dream, then my wife grabbed her and started making out with her intensely (any guys dream, I know...). My wife then has to go home. The police lady and I go off to get a kebab, and she then makes the moves on me. I wake up.

Third dream, my wife, and I discovered an old swimming pool covered with weeds in our garden. We clear the weeds, but once they are clear, we discover hundreds of spiders living underneath. My wife starts killing spiders with the gardening tools, but I feel guilt. I wake up.