u/BaldiBlondiWhiteBoi

>!Cause he was kneading a jobbie.!<

>!They both bit me in the ass.!<

Both men look down the alley next to it and see a dog licking it’s balls.

One man says to the other “Aw I wish I could do that”

The other man replies “give him a biscuit and he might let you”

Now that’s a small profit.

>!Nah? Yeah I’m stumped too.!<

Stand at the top of a cliff. They all look down at the drop and think “fuck me that’s high”.

Suddenly a light beams from the clouds as they part. A figure floats down as one the Englishman says “Jesus Christ that cunts floating”.

The figure chimes back in a deep tone “I’m god you stupid dick, I shall grant you three gentlemen, three wishes”.

The three men ecstatic celebrate jumping up and down before God butts in.

God: “There is a catch however. You must jump off to your deaths but whatever you shout on the way down will be your wish granted and your place in heaven secured surrounded for all eternity by your wish.

Scotsman barges past the two men and says “Right I’ll call yer bluff big man”. Scotsman runs, jumps and shouts “All the whisky I can drink”. He dies and is in heaven surrounded by all the whisky’s he can drink.

Irishman steps up: “suppose it can’t be that bad then our lord”. He runs, jumps and shouts “Gimme all the Guinness you got”. He dies and gets his wish.

Englishman is the last to step up to the cliff edge. He says to god “Muslim free world here we come”. God watches with glee as the Englishman runs jumps, trips “OHH SHIT” as he plummets to the earth below…….

A half Ukrainian, half Iranian firefighter?

>!Amir Panikova.!<

What one’s closest to Iraq?

>!Coo 8.!<

Once it falls out a tree it’ll kill you?

>!A fridge with a denim jacket on!<.

Just finished a detective show set in the Netherlands.

It’s called Clever Clogs.

Pantene.

He see’s a dessert and asks the baker: “Is this a cake or a meringue?”

Baker replies: “aye it’s a cake right enough”

>!And from the corner of my eye I saw a dwarf inmate climb up and down the prison wall and thought to myself:!<

>!“that’s a little con-descending”!<