r/dadjokes

The cops asks: “Where are you going, whose car is this, what do you do for a living.”

The miner responded: “Mine.”

Those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

Because it can’t handle ‘a steroid’ …

The pastryarchy

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

This was my peak. I was 8 years old.

And it was worth every penne

An On-Call-ogist

That's fucked Up

He gave her crabs.

Buck buck

I'm proud to say my house doesn't have any unhealthy snacks in it.

Because I ate them all.

We just had to find a solution to the escape womb

I would drive it from time to time

I was at the dentist's front desk needing to reschedule my appointment.
Receptionist: "How about tomorrow?"
Me: "Sounds good. What time?"
Receptionist: "2:30."
I froze, locked eyes with her, and slowly began to grin.
Me: "Are you serious?"
Receptionist: "Umm... yes?"
Me: "Are you telling me I have a dentist appointment at Tooth Hurty?!"
She completely lost it. I think I've officially peaked as a father.

It has Finnished

More than two jobs and as many decades ago, an employer set us up with a benefit and each of us had to sit with a rep to enroll.

Eventually he got to me, and went through his standard questions, some of them the same response company wide.

“You’re paid weekly…” with a pregnant pause as he knew the answer, and before he could start the next question, I responded,

“Yes. Very weakly.”

I had Han, Luke, 3PO, and R2-D2, but never had Yota.

His bandmates are now Beardless.

Attire