r/dadjokes

She is not “fun to be around.”

Turns out I was on the Mothership

Husband: That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.

A good one from out in the wild.

My wife and I are working on launching a fundraiser for a charity that buys local children Christmas gifts. Okay, it's mostly her working on the actual event, but I'm handling the promotion. We were sitting in the office, her making signs, and myself writing copy for a radio promo when I headed downstairs for a glass of root beer I asked her if she needed anything but she said no.

When I ascended the stairs back to the office she remembered something, "I should have asked you to bring the props for the signs."

I set down my glass, gave her two thumbs up and said, "Great job on the signs my love!"

Anyway, so now I'm downstairs checking Reddit because after laughing so hard she forgot how to breath I was temporarily fired. She can't look at me without laughing again.

I found the rubber band.

Because they're all veteran Aryans

…I’m dismayed.

A grunt

Will it leave a brews

So last night we had some storms roll through including some really wicked lightning. I still made a point to make a beer run, and when I got back I posted a video of the lightning to Facebook with a caption explaining the beer run as a context.

My daughter’s boyfriend responds with: “It must have been pretty scary if it made your beer run.”

I already knew this before she moved in with him, but I think the guy’s a winner, folks.

Dextrose.

Adolfin!

When they're sarcatstic all the time.

(This is kind of more like a make the whole crowd go silent type of joke)

I call it the decoration of independence.

He's my neighhhhhbor

Sword fish

​Because his arm's strong.

All I remember is that it was a short story.

“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

It was a Shih Tzu.