▲ 350 r/dadjokes
"Doctor! All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"
Doctor: "Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen!"
u/808gecko808 — 15 hours ago
r/dadjokes
▲ 22 r/dadjokes
How do you kill a person that only listens to 80s soft rock?
You cut off their Air Supply
u/contraries — 14 hours ago
My son was ignoring me today, so I tried to grab his attention by yelling out a really cheesy dad joke, which made him rolled his eyes.
I told him he better listen, because you can't have a successful dad joke without a little Pop and snap!
u/xinbenlv — 12 hours ago
▲ 281 r/dadjokes
I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office
“Can I help you?” He asked.
“I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied.
“You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He looked confused. “Then why are you here?”
“The light was on.”
u/IEnjoyDadJokes — 17 hours ago
▲ 12 r/dadjokes
An old man walks into a bank and tells the teller, “I want to open a damn account.”
The teller, shocked, says, “Sir, please don’t use that language.”
The old man repeats, louder this time, “I said I want to open a DAMN account!”
The manager comes over and asks what’s going on.
The teller says, “He keeps swearing!”
The old man says, “I just won 10 million dollars in the lottery and I want to put it in this damn bank!”
The manager smiles and says, “Oh, I see… and is this woman giving you a hard time?”
u/lnc_gomes — 13 hours ago
▲ 0 r/dadjokes
What's a bicycle's favorite dessert?
Tu-iles!
I came up with this one after putting my son to sleep last night and felt extremely proud. Once he learns to talk I'm throwing this joke at him left and right.
Edit because I think this works better said out loud: "two-wheels"!
u/cptvere — 13 hours ago
▲ 11 r/dadjokes
Why did the dog sit under the evergreen tree?
Because he wanted to spruce up his bark!
u/xinbenlv — 13 hours ago
▲ 1 r/dadjokes
No sure why people don’t drink tap water
I have been drinking tap water since 1974 ain’t nothing wrong with me not to mention I have been drinking tap water sine 1983 ain’t nothing wrong with me..
u/TRAKRACER — 14 hours ago
▲ 1 r/dadjokes
Why did the workers refuse to play the company football game?
Because they decided to strike the match!
u/xinbenlv — 13 hours ago
▲ 3 r/dadjokes
Why did the jazz musician stop driving his car?
Because his tire sounded too flat!
u/xinbenlv — 12 hours ago
▲ 70 r/dadjokes
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on its pecks
u/clars1909 — 16 hours ago
▲ 16 r/dadjokes
My Dad didn't pay his exorcist
So his house was repossessed
u/DownLikeALeadZeplin — 14 hours ago
▲ 3 r/dadjokes
Epiphany: cottage cheese is not really cheese at all…
It’s just a curd to me.
u/Hot_Historian1066 — 12 hours ago
▲ 7 r/dadjokes
Where does Cliff keep his airplanes?
In the Cliff Hangar
u/avisilver — 13 hours ago
▲ 27 r/dadjokes
Did you know Greek spacecraft use spinning cooked meat inside a pita bread in order to remain correctly oriented
The device is called a gyro-scope
u/kishenoy — 15 hours ago
▲ 261 r/dadjokes
Customer: “I asked for medium rare! This is well done!”
Chef: “Thank you.”
u/whatwhatinthewhonow — 20 hours ago
▲ 23 r/dadjokes
Why are giraffes considered the snobbiest animal?
They’re always looking down on everyone
u/Steppyjim — 15 hours ago
▲ 6 r/dadjokes
My son asked me, "Dad, at what precise moment does a regular joke officially mature into a dad joke?"
I looked him dead in the eye and said, "It only becomes a dad joke when it becomes apparent that it's fully groan!"
u/xinbenlv — 13 hours ago
▲ 743 r/dadjokes
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get the right support, people will think we're nuts."
u/HarpyGravey — 1 day ago
▲ 5 r/dadjokes
How do therapists call clients with an anxiety disorder?
Patients or impatients?
u/Ill-Agent-5326 — 16 hours ago