▲ 78 r/cleanjokes
I went into a shoe shop and asked to see a pair of loafers.
The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.
u/lnc_gomes — 1 day ago
▲ 55 r/cleandadjokes
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE LETTERS, you get your "A" folks, some are "M" folks. Me? Oh I'm just a ..
"Y"s guy.
u/lnc_gomes — 1 day ago
▲ 428 r/dadjokes
It’s ok to use natural materials when sewing, but don’t try making underwear out of grapes or bananas.
They just bunch up on ya.
u/lnc_gomes — 1 day ago
▲ 94 r/dadjokes
I told my wife i wanted to be cremated.
She made an appointment for Tuesday.
u/lnc_gomes — 1 day ago
▲ 137 r/cleanjokes
I’m no longer dyeing my hair.
I’ve decided to age graysfully.
u/lnc_gomes — 2 days ago
▲ 14 r/dadjokes
Dustin Hoffman was considered for the Willy Wonka remake. He may not have gotten that candy maker part, but he once played…
a Tootsie role.
u/lnc_gomes — 2 days ago
▲ 75 r/cleandadjokes
I told my wife i wanted to be cremated.
She made an appointment for Tuesday.
u/lnc_gomes — 2 days ago
▲ 66 r/dadjokes
I hired a kid to paint my porch.
When he came back to get paid, he said, "By the way, that was a BMW, not a Porsche."
u/lnc_gomes — 2 days ago
▲ 248 r/dadjokes
Turn bands into food. I'll start.
Fleetwood Mac and Cheese.
u/lnc_gomes — 3 days ago
▲ 75 r/cleanjokes
Paul Bunyan sold his book rights on lumberjacking, but wasn’t paid much.
He only received a Paul tree sum.
u/lnc_gomes — 3 days ago
▲ 86 r/cleandadjokes
MY GOAL WAS TO make 100K gambling this year!!!
Only 225K to go!! I bet I'll make it!!
u/lnc_gomes — 3 days ago
▲ 45 r/dadjokes
I called General Mills company to ask when my free rice, bran, and wheat cereals would arrive.
They assured me that the Chex were in the mail.
u/lnc_gomes — 4 days ago
▲ 43 r/cleanjokes
WHAT IS THE STRAP USED TO HOLD a saddle on a horse called?
C'mon Punsters, it's not difficult to guess, it's a cinch!
u/lnc_gomes — 4 days ago
▲ 85 r/cleandadjokes
JUST SAYING THAT, silly as it sounds, that if you NEED to know how heavy a cow is, you need, well, you need a...
Milky Weigh.
u/lnc_gomes — 4 days ago
▲ 0 r/dadjokes
Why is space travel like bad sex?
Because if you launch too early, everyone gets disappointed and you end up back on earth wishing you had more fuel.
u/lnc_gomes — 4 days ago
▲ 151 r/cleanjokes
EVEN IF YOU PUT Underwear AND Jeans on a Bear, it will, well, it will ALWAYS have a...
Bear bottom.
u/lnc_gomes — 5 days ago
▲ 138 r/cleandadjokes
My family was amazed that I passed the Electrician exam.
Sometimes I even shock myself
u/lnc_gomes — 5 days ago
▲ 78 r/dadjokes
Today I found a coin with bite marks all over it…
I guess it was a bitcoin.
u/lnc_gomes — 5 days ago
▲ 0 r/dadjokes
The Highway Stop
A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding. He walks up to the window and sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.
"Ma'am," he says, "do you know how fast you were going?"
The woman replies, "I'm sorry, officer, I was just trying to keep up with traffic."
The trooper looks around at the empty highway and says, "There isn't any traffic, ma'am. Also, I noticed you have four other elderly ladies in the back, and they look absolutely terrified. Their eyes are wide, and they’re gripping the seats for dear life. Are they okay?"
The woman smiles sweetly and says, "Oh, they'll be fine in a minute. We just got off Highway 195."
u/lnc_gomes — 5 days ago
▲ 57 r/cleanjokes
Try not to sneeze in public.
People will turn and stare…
achoo.
u/lnc_gomes — 6 days ago