I am a heavy smoker, it wasn’t always like this tho. My parents smoke, my sisters smoke, so it was a matter of time til I tried it
I have bipolar disorder and a PTSD related Anxiety disorder. Before weed, I’d struggle to sleep, days without it consistently. I’d get occasional agoraphobia. I’d be so depressed I’d become stinky and stuck to my bed.
It started for sleep, then for little anxiety. Then before I knew it, after a short while I was smoking maybe 7-10 times a day. So bad I was experiencing headaches from mixing it with medication. The weed wasn’t addictive, the feeling of dissociation and no racing thoughts was an addicting feeling.
Sometimes if a manic or depressive episode was bad enough, it would send me into psychosis. Recently I just started Ozempic. It slowed down my digestion track and it took forever for edible’s to hit, so I kept taking them thinking it didn’t work. Ozempic made me sick as a dog, and I used weed hard to alleviate the sickness. Same with edibles.
The THC built up so much, I got worse. I couldn’t hold food for over close to 45 hours. Assuming it was the Ozempic, I went to the ER. It was Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS). They said if I persist with THC I’ll be sicker and sicker. When they left the room, I balled my eyes out like a baby.
I cried so hard my head hurt, as my husband held me I said something that made me realize it was a problem. I said “I can’t do without it, it’s the only thing that helps me. If I can’t have weed, I’ll want something harder”
My husband’s reaction killed me. Growing up, he had an addict for a sibling. I could tell in that moment, that’s who he saw.
I could never do that to him
But, it’s been a week. I haven’t touched a single THC related thing. People have smoked around me and, I survived. When I thought I wouldn’t
Here’s to one week 🦋”one day, I am going to grow wings”