My outfit made my friend uncomfortable, what do I do?
The other day I was hanging out with my friend Lina who lives 25 mins away from me by car, but an hour and a half away by bus. My mom drove me over there and I took the bus home. I had been helping Lina move, so I was wearing my corset over the dress I was wearing in case I had to lift heavy objects (but also I just want a smaller waist in general tbh).
After getting a boba for the bus ride, and walking to my closest bus stop, I realized I could meet up with my friend Ellie at my local mall instead of going all the way home right away. So I texted her to ask if she wanted to meet up and she agreed.
As I’m on the bus she’s texting me frequently. “Gotta get a vape so I’ll head down there now”
“Are u sure u can’t meet me sooner”
“We should go out to a bar. I really wanna meet a boy”
“How far away are u?”
Stuff like that. Anyway she was excited.
I responded to what I could but I was also trying to get some work done while I was on the bus, so I wasn’t texting back super often.
Once I got to the mall, I really had to pee so I went inside macys to use the restroom, but got briefly distracted by the clearance section shoes. Just after I had exited the restroom, Ellie called me to ask where I was and let me know that she’ll be at in n out. I told her that I’d meet her there and ended the phone call.
I quickly looked through the clearance section shoes, grabbed the ones I wanted, checked out, and exited the store.
I finally arrived at in n out and immediately spotted Ellie. She was sitting by herself eating her fries. She had first looked up at me when I opened the door and walked inside, but there was no recognition in her face, which I thought was strange, but I just brushed it off because I’ve been looking a little different recently
(eyebrow tattoo, lighter & shorter hair, \~4lb weight gain maybe 🤷♀️)
But once we greeted each other and I had sat down, the vibe totally shifted. She was really quiet and spacey. But one of the first things she said was
“Actually I might go home, I’m not feeling too well”
Apparently her stomach was hurting from the fries, or at least that’s what she said in the moment.
I told her I was sorry, and I hoped she felt better, she said thanks and then left shortly after.
We were only able to hang out for like 20 mins maximum. I was so disappointed. She had totally hyped up the night and I thought it would be so fun.
Left sitting there alone at that in n out table, I wondered to myself if it was something I did.
Maybe it did have to do with my eyebrow tattoo. I had just redone it, and maybe the new shape made my facial expressions look slightly different, like maybe she thought I was mad at her or something.
Maybe it was my timing. I didn’t need to stop to get those new shoes, for example. She might have spent all her energy she had for our night out just waiting for me.
Maybe I wasn’t responsive enough when I was on the bus so she thought I didn’t care.
But whatever it was, it wasn’t my responsibility to try to figure out, so I let it go and headed over to Five Below across the street to grab a couple things before they closed for the night, and headed home.
The next day I told my therapist what had happened, and she said that it sucks that I feel like I did something wrong, but, realistically, it was probably nothing to do with me. So I breathed a sigh of relief and continued about my day.
Then I checked my messages.
Ellie apologized, said she was feeling loopy and overwhelmed, and thanked me for meeting her there anyway.
Then she said this. (Photo at the top, you might have to click to see the whole thing)
I asked Lina and my other friend Mia what they thought about the situation and they both thought it was wrong of Ellie to say this to me. But I’ve gotten other comments like this as well from other people in the past, basically saying that I’m dressing inappropriately.
I’m hanging out with Mia’s sister sapphire tomorrow, so I’m also going to ask her what she thinks but I have a feeling she’ll also be of the same opinion.
So anyway I wanted to ask a group of people who have no allegiance to me whatsoever, so that I could get an unbiased opinion.
Do you think my outfit was inappropriate?
Was it really giving underwear?
If it had matched the dress color better would it have looked fine?
If I had worn more necklaces to cover my cleavage would it have been better?
And most importantly, what should I say in response?
*side note: I can’t wear that corset underneath clothing because it leaves painful marks on my skin when I do because of how tight I tie it