Is This a Reasonable Confrontation for Roommate?
lowkey kinda scared of confrontation, but one of my roommates has really been a bit much (but not evil) lately. I plan to confront her soon but just wanted to know if all my complaints are reasonable.
Currently in a 4b4b with 2 other roommates. One of them ive moved in with she's my friend and she's so sweet and absolutely no issues regarding shared living. The other girl signed with the apartment (individual leasing) last minute and showed up a week after we moved in. There used to be a 4th girl although she as left as of 3 months ago, she was no problem as well. When the 4 of us first moved in, I set some basic rules such as, laundry days, cleaning up after ourselves, and giving a heads up before bringing guests over, just the basics to avoid some confusion and friction.
None of us interacted much, roommates in the most literal sense, and it was fine, everyone respected the rules and kept the shared living room and kitchen clean. Few months in this roommate started hosting parties in our apartment one night on a weekend sometimes with her friends and or family. Sure whatever, the walls are thin and its a small space but I sleep pretty late anyways and I have noise cancelling headphones. Then she started hosting parties more frequently to the point where she's doing it consistently around once or twice a week, and not even on the weekends sometimes. She's done it on Monday nights, Tuesday nights, and Thursday nights, and when there's like 5-8 people blasting music, getting drunk, shouting and fighting sometimes, it's really quite overwhelming. We have classes the next day and both my other roommate and I have expressed it affecting our schedules. Going out of my room at 1am to ask to turn the music down just for a bunch of drunk people to ignore me is not the play. On the plus side, at least she cleans up her gagillion bottles and balloons, but she doesn't take out the crazy full trash cans after the parties.
I also feel really uncomfortable leaving my room when there are the mass of strangers outside my door, so it's a really awkward walk to the pantry when I want to eat. And she usually has her parties from 7,8ish to 2am, so if i want anything more than a snack or a microwave meal I just cant cook at night i guess. Also since one of the roommates left, there is an empty bedroom and bathroom which she just lets guest stay overnight in sometimes. It really freaked me out tho when some random man just walked out in the door when i was just in a towel getting a cereal in the morning. I feel like she really could've just gave a heads up?
She also brings random people back drunk in the middle of the night sometimes. Maybe she 's trying to not bother us with it, but she's always arguing or fighting, which definitely wakes the rest of us up.
I think she also said "they just don't know how to clean up after themselves" to her guests referring to me and my other roommate (my door is right next to the kitchen). Which, I mean I would've put my dishes in the drying rack back if she told me she was going to have people over? And also she is the only one in our apartment that leaves unwashed dishes and pots on the stove and over the sink. I get that there are long days, but she rarely ever has no uncleaned dishes or pots outside ever. There was also a pasta left out over a week that grew mold my other roommate had to remind her about. She just has a lot of clutter over the stoves and in the sink, which we have to move around when we cook.
All in all, is it crazy of me to ask she keeps her parties to the weekends and end before 12am (apartment quiet hours are after 10). She can also host people at the clubhouse, there's a whole kitchen setup and a bunch of seats there too, which people rarely use so its probably gonna be free. Also don't bring anyone back after 1am, be stealthier when taking them in, or argue with them in the hallway. I want her to notify us in the groupchat before guests come and say if they're going to be staying the night. Take out full trash cans after her parties. Clean up her dishes in the sink more and leave at most one pot on the stoves.