Why I shall die 😞✌️
My dad wants me to improve, be a firefighter when I grow up. When I don’t think about it hard it really does sound like a nice job, good pay, long hours but less days, saving lives… but it all just seems so out of reach. When you picture a firefighter you see a tall muscular man running into a burning building to save a family. I’m an average hight fatass that doesn’t even have the courage to ask my mom simple things. “Just lose weight man” I know I should, yet I also know that I’ll never try. I’m to lazy to get out of bed in the morning what makes you think I could take “even just a walk every day.” Whenever I leave the house that’s not for a specific goal, like getting the mail, it feels so embarrassing, I feel as if people are looking at me, judging me. “Oh that fat kid is actually trying to lose weight, that’s pathetic.” Whenever I walk home from school I always think, what if they looking out their window at me, what if they hear you singing that shitty song out loud. I hate talking to people but love it at the same time. I love talking about myself, my interests, who I am. Im so self obsessed and self centered, I fucking hate it, hate myself… I beg to a higher power if there is anyone to please just kill me, I know I’m not going to do it myself, so I need someone, something else to do it, a car, heart attack, murderer, slip and fall, fucking anything. Anything that is not labeled a suicide, I don’t want my parents to feel as if it’s their fault that I wanted to die. It needs to be just a freak accident. I love my parents, they try their hardest to please me and protect me but I’m just unsaveable. I always tell people when I grow up that I’m gunna be homeless and live on the streets, they always think it’s a joke and just laugh. I’m not joking, my fat, pathetic, lazy, waste of space, will never be able to work a steady job not even if I tried. All I do is jerk off all day long and then go play video games, and if I don’t play video games i normally just watch YouTube and TikTok or just cry in my bed thinking about how shit my life is and how much better it would be if I just died right here and now.