Embarrassing
Is anyone else just utterly embarrassed about how lonely they are? I’ve been struggling the last couple years after losing all my friends in a break up, I’ve literally not had a single friend and I didn’t leave my house at all for 14 months because I had no reason to, that’s how bad things got. Anyway, I decided in the new year to push myself to get out and make a friend because I was horribly depressed. It’s worked out somewhat and I have made a friend! But unfortunately I’m still not integrated fully in their life so I’m often an afterthought, which is totally fine, I’m a new friend after all! Anyway, I’ve not seen my friend in over a month and they invited me to a party this weekend and I was super excited because it was a chance to maybe make some more friends. Except I’ve now just been uninvited, I guess because I’d only know one person there like it’s totally understandable I’m not mad or anything. But privately I am really sad about it but mostly I’m really embarrassed about how big of a deal this was for me. I’d never let on because I don’t want anyone to know how pathetic I am so I’ll keep it private but man I’ve not been invited to a party in years and I was really excited. Now looking at a weekend of me sat at home on my own. Again. Like I say I’ll never let on that it bothered me because I don’t want to put them off me or guilt trip them as it’s their party ultimately and I also have no negative feelings about them, I completely get their perspective.
Think I’m a little more sensitive as it’s my birthday next week and I’ll once again be on my own for it. I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there but man it’s hard sometimes.