Will it get better?
Hallo ADHD parenting community,
First off I want to say that this is an alt account, since I have family and friends following my first and I don't want them to see what a failure I am.
First off, my daughter just turned 12. Since she was a toddler I noticed she is different, everyone around me told me don't worry, she'll get quieter when she gets older. She got praised everywhere for her imagination, collaboration, her outgoingness and so on. Teacher always told be what a pleasure she is.
Her grades are ok, most B some A. She loves books, she reads a lot. But her writing and spelling is atrocious. In grade 4 she had a teacher who told us not to worry, most things are nowadays written on the PC anyways. Which was stupid. We still tried to work with her at home and bring it in order. But for example, my SK child who is just learning to write has a neater handwriting. She can write nicely but she "never has time to do so".
Personal hygiene is still a problem. And I am worried that it even gets a bigger problem once she starts her period.
She has problems with peers because of her poor impulse control and her still being very immature compared to most of her school peers. She has though a good tight friend group.
My husband fought me long and hard to get her diagnosed, he was worried that she will get stigmatized and that it will make it harder. It took 2 grades and 4 different teacher that he finally agreed to go through with it. She was diagnosed last February. The pediatrician wanted First to only put her on an iep at school and she if that helps.
But its not only affecting her in school so what will it change? For example she learns an instrument and cant move to the higher program because of her behavior and attentiveness (playing in a band is big part of the program and other Band members need to rely on you). She loves it. Since 2 years she is stuck in the lower program.
Her behavior hurts the relationship with her brothers. When its not about her, she will ruin it for everyone. 2 weeks ago it was one of her siblings birthday, and that sibling is still hurt of how she behaved when it came to cake and candle blowing.
The younger sibling gets hit here and there for example she calls him to show something and then once she has enough she lashes out to get him away. He loves her so much he always defends her.
With me, she hit me several times, I do my best not to raise my voice anymore. Yesterday she threw arts and crafts supplies at me because I asked her to take a shower since she hadnt in a while and really needed it before leaving the house. She hasnt really brushed her hair in about 3 days just pretty quick, it is tangled and looks really wild. I gave her, gently,.options to cut it shorter, she freaked and said no, but she also doesnt want to take care of it.
About a week ago we had an appointment again for her and spoke about getting her on medication to help with impuls control and concentration ( organization skills is also very very bad). The first days it seemed good. The sat 2 days she seem to crash hard about 3pm. And this morning was pretty bad. She has music lessons, but she freaked again. She wouldn't use proper words and just growl at everyone in anger. No brushed hair. Its getting so bad.
Over the years I tried so many things. But by now I feel burned out. I'm crying a lot. I don't know how I can fix it. If it will eventually get better. I feel everyone in our family, including her, is suffering. It sounds horrible but when she is out and about our house has such a different, peacefull vibe, which is horrendous to say and think. We love her, but i feel like I'm failing her, failing the other kids and failing myself.
I often see myself watching other mother daughter duos who seem to have such a nice relationship doing fun things together. I feel jealous and at the same time beat myself up for even having these thoughts.
Next week we have check in with the doctor again, to talk about how the first round of meds went. I hope we will figure out at one point how to help her and with that help the rest of the family.
I am sorry for this wall of text, I don't think I have anyone around me with whom I could share my thoughts. Maybe someone here went through similar and understands. Maybe someone can tell.me.what I need to change, what I do wrong. How I can support my daughter but also the rest of the family.
At the moment it feels like my cup is empty.
Thank you for reading.