Husband has crossed the line and I can’t deal anymore. What would you do?
Hey all
Im here for guidance & advice.
I’ve been married for for 7 years and known my husband since university. we are both in our early 30s and have a child together and recently had a traumatic miscarriage (I nearly died). we both live away from family and have no connection here or anyone to support us as a family…
tl;dr 1) I’ve caught my husband messaging random women online- instigating and entertaining flirtatious/ sexual conversations.
- he is secretly watching p0rn.
- he constantly lies and makes things up.
what I want to know is, where does this stand and what are my options… also what would you do? (both brothers & sisters opinion)
im a Full time Stay at home mum to our child and I have chosen this route assuming this would be the best set up for my child and family. I’m degree educated, working professional and VERY AMBITIOUS with interest and experience in business and growth, but I’ve put everything to the side for my marriage and child. over the last 3 years I’ve embraced the hijab and have started my journey on understanding and learning more about Islam so I can support my child and give my child the best environment and knowledge… i Try getting involved with local community and sisters at the mosque and I now very proudly embody an unapologetic Muslim woman. I also had a very traumatic miscarriage recently.
my husband on the other hand is also degree educated and is a business man and has his own business (barely making ends meet) but not as ambitious. Hes a good father, and does everything you tell him to do. I won’t take that away. However, he isn’t close to his deen in a way that I believe our family would need it. he doesn’t lead in the home, doesn’t go out his way to instill the deen, doesn’t push for knowledge… he just does everything any man would need to do to look good enough on the outside And get by in a satisfactory marriage.
I have caught my husband texting customers in a sexual manner instigating he wants to do the deed. i have also seen he has multiple conversations open with random women but no message history (chat deleted) he also has been messaging random women online flirting with them and basically acting single.
we have been arguing alot because of money and instability in the frequency of his income. he is in debt and I have taken some of that debt on and also have helped towards paying for it… as I don’t work he is the sole breadwinner and I have been living of my savings and now have nothing left!
We also argue because I’m very black and white and when I have an unmet need, I address it… like Feeling like he doesn’t support me emotionally, or mentally when I need it the most. He said he’ll get help and support but never does
im a very confide woman -I have no issues talking about my feelings and I don’t hold things in anymore. We have discussed his issues previously as I noticed this a few years ago after our child was born. He said he wouldn’t do it but he clearly lies! hes Been sending sexual messages to a customer for the last 6 months EVEN THOUGH she isn’t entertaining it he continues. it’s embarrassing and disgusting… and over the last 6 months I’ve suffered from a tragic miscarriage and was hospitalised and have been suffering mentally…. Yet his energy is spent watching p0rn and messaging random women.
i love the fact he’s an entrepreneur. this is not the problem… the problem is him!! I see potential in him but he is lazy and does bare minimum then moans about it.
however I have standards and this is BEYOND ME. I can’t believe this is the man I married. This is EVERYTHING against me and my values!!!!!!
he is not the same man that I met years ago, he has changed so much and whilst I’m giving up everything including my identity for this family and sake of keeping the home together… this is how he treats me.
no matter what I go through, I am not enough.. he seeks validity elsewhere
i know there are so many gaps in the story but i just don’t know what to do anymore.
I can’t keep being the best wife.