I F(34) need honest outside opinions because this situation has affected me for years.
I’ll use fake names. My husband is Daniel, his brother is Michael, and Michael’s wife is Chloe. Me and my husband have been married for 10 years and this situation has been happening for the last 5 years.
When Daniel and I first got married, we really looked up to Michael and Chloe. We respected them, went to them for advice, and thought they had this “perfect” marriage. At the time, I had low self-esteem, was passive, and was a people-pleaser, so I was impressionable and wanted acceptance. As I got older and started building more confidence and my own identity, Chloe and Michael started framing everything I did as “copying” Chloe. If she studied social work, I was copying by studying social work. If she started a business, I was copying by starting one etc.- told me I had an “empty shell.”
Things escalated after Daniel and I bought a house. We didn’t tell them in advance because it was a private decision. Later I found out they had also been trying to buy a house but couldn’t. We found out later they were upset that we didn’t tell them that we were looking for a house. After that, Chloe’s energy toward me changed sharply.
When we invited them over, I wore a dress with stockings. I later found out Chloe was telling people I was dressed inappropriately and trying to get attention from the brothers. Michael told Daniel that I looked insecure, that “everyone” thought my outfit was inappropriate, and that I was jealous of them.From my perspective, this was completely out of nowhere. I never had a problem with Chloe.
At family gatherings, they would exclude me, pull Daniel away, and create this clique dynamic. Daniel didn’t see it clearly at first because he trusted his brother.
At one point, Daniel’s parents and another sibling were living in our house to save money. Daniel and Micheal agreed that since the wives werent getting along, they needed to leave before I finish my shift. That day came and Daniel asked Michael and Chloe to leave before I got home from work because of the tension. They agreed, but Chloe refused to leave and said she had a right to be there because Daniel’s parents were there and paid rent. Before that, she had already told another sister-in-law that I was “kicking them out,” so by the time I came home, the situation was already escalated. I ended up having a full breakdown because I felt alienated in my own home.
Later, when Daniel tried to set a simple boundary and said Michael and Chloe could visit only for a few hours, Michael accused him of denying him access to his parents, said God would punish him, and threatened to permanently leave the country because of him. Daniel got scared and allowed them to come over. They were already planning to leave the country anyway and came back after a year. During that time, Daniel and me flourished as we had struggled for so long as a result of communication - we would always go to those people and ask for advice. Big mistake as they brought up everything that we ever talked to them about when we had issues with them.
Daniel started seeing the manipulation more clearly. Michael has a history of triangulating people, twisting conversations, and turning siblings against each other.
The final straw for me was finding out Chloe had been telling people I wear inappropriate clothing around the men in the family, implying I was trying to be seductive. I felt humiliated and furious, and I sent her a long angry message confronting her. I know my message was emotionally charged and inappropriate in parts, but I felt pushed to my limit after years of rumors, exclusion, and humiliation.
Her response was vicious. She called me vulgar, crazy, obsessed with her, jealous, a bad mother, and claimed I had always been in love with Michael. She brought up things from high school and twisted innocent group interactions into proof that I wanted him. She also claimed “everyone” in the family was uncomfortable around me. She mentioned that she was raised as a queen, where she has always shown respect where I never had any. She also mentioned that she was magnetic and that I was trying so hard to be her and that I was enraged whenever I saw her because of my jealousy. The problem is, none of that matched reality. No one had ever confronted me directly. I had good relationships with most of the family. I later asked the brothers directly, and they denied feeling uncomfortable around me. In one case, a younger brother admitted Michael had basically planted the idea that it was “inappropriate” for him to hang out with me over shared interests like anime/games.
For context, Michael and I had a harmless teen crush on each other at 14 that went nowhere. Years later, in family group settings, I would sometimes reminisce about high school because it felt like simpler times. My husband was present for those conversations. Nothing about it was romantic or secretive. Michael never once told me he felt uncomfortable.
After I sent Chloe that message, Michael called Daniel and claimed I had always been in love with him and was trying to get him. Daniel asked for proof multiple times. Michael said things like, “You have to see it to believe it,” and “If I showed you, your manhood would be destroyed.” But when pressed later, he admitted he had no proof. Michael cut off Daniel completely- they both work in the same place and he had ignored him completely.
At this point, I’m done. I have fully cut them off. I do not want them in my life, my home, or around my children. Too much damage was done, and I no longer see them as safe people. I went to therapy for a while as this made me question myself, my reality, and my life choices. There are more missing details but Reddit has limit on characters.