AITA for assumping partner threw something? context included.
I (F31) came upstairs to open our blinds and seen a box of cake slices that was on my bedside table (my side) on the floor across the room. It was either my cats or my partner (M29).
I thought its been my cake loving cats trying to get at it but they were both in the room leaving it alone (they are dire for sniffing round anything with no fear of consequence if they want it) and found it odd they hadnt got into it (they have got into similar storage boxes before) and there were no teeth marks on the box at all. They are typically feral when it comes to any sweet treat.
So then I thought it must have been my partner in a mid awake episode. Which would have made a slight bit of sense as he was vocal in his sleep at 6 this morning (sometimes he rants in his sleep telling people to fuck off etc). Odd yes cause it was from my side of the bed but its happened once before with a plastic bottle and a few times with my pillows. (he occassionally throws objects mid awake when irritated sometimes through internal dreams or external noises, and considering theres workmen digging the main road ourside our house from first thing this morning that didnt seem too much of a stretch). I was just amused that the buns got it, found it amusing and wanted to know what triggered it so text to ask.
I asked in a way I meant as playful but he took it accusingly (i can understand why partially, because i had assumed it was him, he says it absolutely was not). I thought he would sense my playfulness in the messages, he said nobody would in the initial one (i think those that know me would), and that he didnt bother reading the other ones. but when I asked him to he still said no it wasnt playful so I wanted some perspectives.
He went out for a walk to the shops clearly annoyed, which I sensed from his last message (and seen) so I went to chat with him in person when he was back because I didnt want it to ruin our day. To summarise that, he didnt think it was playful at all he seen it as completely comfrontational. I apologised for that and explained i hadnt meant for that and thought he would have picked my tone up fro the messages knowing me. I have apologised none the less and said I wont message a "why did you", but instead will ask "did you" if it were to occur again.
Some context points:
- I usually dont put xx at the end of messages if annoyed. It typically goes to none or one (so does he).
- He is known to sometimes throws things/bangs or flips his coffee table when overly annoyed, i am usually harsh in holding him accountable for it but he has improved immensly and has been withdrawing from meds for a few weeks and been so much better, so i havent been as harsh. He had banter with me the other day after he flipped his garage coffee table and i didnt have a clue because i hadnt heard it from the house and usually i hear him giving off out there, so i thought we could approach the daftness of the buns with humour.
-I used a word I playfully utilise "yeet"- partner says i have used this when annoyed before in reference to things thrown. I strongly disagree as I have never recalled using that word when annoyed. When I am annoyed I be shouty and swear. He is adament I have- so I said we will have to agree to disagree on that one- which he had a bit of a "Right. Ok. Whatever" Attitude about when i said that.
Overall I think the whole thing is stupid and not worth worrying about and we wont linger on it, I am just wildly curious now as he is so adament that no one would see my light/humour intended tone int he messages, even if they knew me well. So redditiors, can I have your thoughts please?
Texts:
Me: Were you alright this morning when you woke? What bothered you enough for you to yeet the cinnamon squares of all things across the room? Xx
Him: What on earth are you talking about? X
Me: I was in our room opening blinds and curtsins and the box of cinnamon squares that was on the bedside table beside me on top of the books was on the floor by the chair. It was still on top of the books when i went downstairs earlier lol xx
Him: Well it's been your fucking starvo cats, I haven't thrown fuck all in days so fuck your accusation
Me: Hey... i didnt mean to annoy you?? I was playing. I did wonder if it was the cats but thought surely theyd have got into the box and made a bigger mess of the table if they were on it xx
Me: I thought maybe in your half awake state you might have looked for something soft to yeet at the annoyance of meowing or the roadworks that started. You doo yeet things half awake sometimes, i wasnt trying to get at you xx
Me: (His name), im not trying to get at you, im sorry its hit a nerve :s i think accusation is a bit harsh, i havent come out guns blazing. Presumption yes, based on logical possibilities. I did think cats but i know the cats have got into similar boxes before and there were no teeth marks or cats even trying to get into it which they usually would so i then though it musta been you, especially cause you had a vocal episode this morning If it wasnt you im sorry, it wasnt meant to be hurtful, its not a big deal. Though even if the presumption was right it wouldnt have been a big deal, I was just trying to make playful conversation of it xx