Just engaged and wedding talk
Hi, I’m 33 (fm) and newly engaged to my partner also 33(m)
He popped the question on my birthday last week which was a huge shock as we’ve been together for 4 and half years. I never thought he’d actually ask as for a while he’s been saying “I’d marry you” and “you’re my potential future wife” I’d always laugh it off even though deep down I’ve wanted nothing more than to settle down properly and have the type of long lasting marriage that my parents have (45 years and counting!) so when he asked me the shock obviously set in but deep down I’m over the moon that my best friend really does want it all with me forever. I know it can still be that without marriage but it’s also part of my dream to do the wedding and have our special day etc, I had my two daughters very young and I always had this feeling I’d never find acceptance and happiness but that is purely to do with how I see myself and my own issues like my RSD.
I’m actually going to get to the point now!
So the other day myself and my partner were making small talk and I asked about how he felt about a specific colour scheme I wanted. His reply was “babe it’s you’re big day, the day every girl dreams of, I’ll leave it all to you just tell me where and when and I’ll be there” and then in the next breath he said “I don’t care where we get married as long as I’m marrying you, I’d marry you tomorrow in a phone box”
At the time I felt a little hurt and frustrated that he didn’t want to really discuss anything and how he passed it off like it wasn’t really a deal. Again it’s just my RSD and if I’d actually told him this I know this again would also make me feel really anxious.
I’m not a picky girl and I’m so easily pleased but there are little details that I just would prefer to make it ‘our day’
Today we were driving again and I’d previously spoken about not being keen on a church wedding. It’s not that I’m against it, but as my family is big and from a small village and community, our grandparents were well respected at a church where they volunteered alot and did work for the church too. This is where they’re now buried and my big brother and my cousin. There’s also a memorial lantern for my grandparents too. What I’m getting at is I didn’t want to be selfish and ask to be married in my family church but also I like the idea of having a more modern version of a ceremony with my own song to walk down the aisle to. He knew this, or at least I’d said it! So I mentioned about a local beautiful hotel that caters weddings for the whole day and he basically said no. He said his thoughts were that we get married at the church by his mothers in our town and hire a hall/venue and do a buffet.
I’m not trying to be a bridezilla because I’m really trying to take in what his wants would be, but I feel like his ideas are missing what could be a little more memorable and fancier. I really don’t think he understands a wedding day and how it works.
I thought being at one venue would be so ideal and would be stress free taking a lot of the pressure off me for planning and decorating, organising and everything else!
Any advice or suggestions on how I can approach this. I don’t want to look like I don’t want to do what he wants but I just don’t want it to look cheap and tacky either. It’s a special day and already I feel so stressed! We haven’t even done anything yet and the talking about it sends me into anxiety.
Thankyou if you made it this far!