To tell or not to tell… that is the question?
Hello,
I (28 female) am around 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am in a very happy marriage, have a job, house, car and money to buy food every month so we are some what comfortable even though times are tough.
Around 6 years ago I fell out with my dad whilst he was going through a divorce from my mum. we haven’t had any contact for 5 year (my mum is now happily married to my stepfather and has moved around 40 minutes away). I have stayed nearby where I grew up in the next town over.
I know my dad re married the lady he had started seeing before I moved out and cut off all contact.
The main reason I do not have a relationship with my dad is that he was very unkind to me, betrayed my trust in many ways and allowed his new partner to hit me. He did not check on me after the fact and this was my final straw.
I am looking for advice to tell him he will be a grandad or not. The thing is I am a high empathetic person and if I found out I had a new relation coming into the world (a brother, sister etc) I would want to know. However, I do not want this man to be part of my life again as I feel he is toxic and I don’t want to be around someone who could treat me this way.
Thinking from my child point of view (which in my opinion is some what more important because I am now a mother and need to do what best for my child) I want to give them the choice of if there grandad is in there life or not and if my dad finds out when they are old enough to make that decision he will be bitter and unkind as he didn’t know they existed.
I am happy to reply to comments with questions.
I am completely at a loss if I should tell him he’s going to be a grandad or just to not let him know and carry on with my happy little life
Just so you all know it’s not about him being in the child life just if I should tell him I’m pregnant or not