Reaching out to friends (26-32F/M) years after I (24M) ghosted them?
I (24M) had a rough time in 2022-2023. Got sexually assaulted after having a spiked drink, a lot of my life wasn’t going well and I fell into a bad depression.
I had some close college friends I cherished (26-32F nowadays). Didn’t tell anyone about what happened to me. I implied in a heart to heart conversation to one of them but was met with silence so I didn’t push the subject further. As my depression was getting worse, I stopped talking to them. Left group chats. I think the final straw was them saying they really wanted to see me at graduation, as I moved across the country a week after we finished nursing school. I thought the move would fix my issues. Obviously it didn’t. I ended up deleting my instagram and facebook and generally just vanished right before our graduation party. I tried getting into touch with one of them about three months later but I ended up disappearing again as I convinced myself it would be better this way. To be honest, my mind blanked out on a lot of what happened in 2023.
Now, years later and with a much better mental health, a job that’s actually good and really good friends amongst coworkers… Sometimes I think about my old friends. If I should reach out. Honestly, if anything I’m embarrassed by what I did. I don’t think I would have it in me to explain it. And I’m not sure if they would even be interested is rekindling some friendship.
And I’m not sure what I’m looking for either. Closure, I guess. But at the same time their lifes are also going well from what I’ve heard. Why disrupt it? I’m also a bit scared to revisit my past and reopen old woulds. Maybe I should just accept that time drift us apart. But at the same time I’m very embarrassed by the way I treated good friends.
If you were ever in my position, or my friend’s position, what would you do or what did you do? I’m trying to hear different perspectives I guess.