u/Beelz-Kitty

I want so much to relapse and even can't because my mom is staying with me.

My circle of friends (ex friends) had aislated me, my Best friend (ex best friend) started by making a group without me...

And now I'm alone, and I'm so fucking sad, it was me who introduced my best friend to my other circle of friends and now she take me out of it... now I'm all alone, why I even staying clean? What was the purpose of it? I'm sobbing so much and know I need to be "Alright" by the moment when my mother came back so she won't get worry.

I hate being an autistic adult, I hate that there are so many social cues I can't catch, I hate being the weird girl all the time that people aislate.

And the time I opened my heart to someone to be a truly best friend, this is how I get pay, with betrayal and aislament...

I hate being me and worse... that I can't even relapse

I just confirm with a friend that who I thought was my best friend make a group of our friends... without me on it... and she put it on her WhatsApp state with the intention of making me know I'm not on it... I want to cry so much and go to relapse.

Why she had to be cruel about it, why couldn't she just keep it to herself...

I just had a phonecall with my best friend and she say to me a lot of things she didn't like about situations with me or behavior (I'm autistic and a lot involve that) and I try to explain to her that I really try to not be that way but I can't... I just tell her I will give her space and she hang on the call on my face...

I really want to relapse, it has been a friendship that would be of 6 years in 2 months and now I feel like this was the end...we also share a circle with another friends of mine that I introduced to her and I just say a few days that they had a tea party without even commenting it with me... I just... I feel hurt...

I really want to relapse but at least my mother is staying today and the rest of weekend here in my apartment so I can't relapse for now... but damn, the moment I got a chance I will... I feel so sad and I can't even cry.