Kissed my brothers wife
My (M24) late brother (M29) passed away about 8 months ago in a car accident. He was probably the closest relationship I’ve ever had, and probably will ever have. My entire family has been grieving him these past couple months even though time passes, it still hurts all the same.
He has a wife (F28) that he’s been together with for the last 6 years and they’ve been married for about 2 years. Ever since they got together she’s basically been a part of our family too. Naturally, she’s been having a really hard time with his passing and I’ve been doing what I can to help. I helped set up the funeral, and since then I’ve stepped in to help her out with a bunch of financial and legal stuff too. They lived together and my brother took care of a lot of the house work, so I’ve been going over occasionally to help with things like that. I genuinely just see it as me doing anything I can to help someone I care about through an impossible time, and taking care of someone while my brother can’t.
Lately though, ive coming over to just check in on her and make sure she’s doing okay and maybe helping with some cooking too. It’s been really helpful talking to someone who knew him as well as she did, and it’s like I still have a little part of my brother with her. She isn’t really all that close with her family so I’m also kinda the only support she has, along with my family. A few days ago I went over to check up on her and we she asked me to stay for dinner. We drank a little bit, and ended up drinking a little more that we probably should’ve and ended up just talking about my brother. She started to cry so I tried to comfort her by holding her, and eventually we kissed. We pulled away almost immediately and after some awkwardness I went home for the night and we haven’t talked since.
I feel so unbelievably guilty and sad, but I also miss talking to her. As much as I’ve been helping her, talking to her has been the only thing keeping me going but I’m afraid of ruining things and I feel awful too since she’s my brothers wife. She asked my to come over tonight too so we can talk about things, but i genuinely don’t know what to say. I’m sorry if this whole thing sounds incoherent but I’ve just been feeling so..everything lately. I just need advice on how to deal with all this and her. I know I should probably keep my distance from her, but I also can’t deny how much being around her helps me deal with everything.