Warming up
Hello strangers!
I have begun seeing a partner (33f) who has been a longtime friend prior to lover.
Being frank, I (33m) am far less sexually confident, despite my experience, compared to my girlfriend. She's an absolute vixen, and it's some of what draws me to her.
While I work on improving my abilities/vulnerability, she continues to pursue dates with other men. I understand this is a normal thing in the poly dynamic, and while I may be initially jealous, I also recognize that I am not everything that anyone might want/need. I also through observation of family truly don't believe that monogomy is a reasonable expectation.
To love someone is to see them as they might best be, and in my view, people best shine under different lights depending on the day.
As this relationship has progressed I have encountered some difficulties relating to performance, however it's improving. I see much of my difficulties being tied to training intimacy towards pornography and climax, vs experience.
While my immediate reaction to poly dynamics can often be simply defined as pain, the long term reality of the relationship, and preceding friendship, has me feeling... stronger than i ever did.
I'm not sure what exactly I aimed to get out of this moment of expression, perhaps some measure of peace through confession. It's no fun thing to admit that love means pain, yet I'm not so concerned with the sex that comes with poly (a benefit I've since leveraged), however I'm concerned with what her desire for other attention means in the context of my being
Thank you for listening to my Ted talk, and I would invite your thoughts on life in this lane, and my dynamic