Hello all
I’m looking for support and advice from anyone who has loved someone struggling with alcoholism or addiction.
My boyfriend and I started dating in September. In December, I got a call from jail that he had been arrested for a DUI. Prior to that, drinking was never part of our relationship, and I had no idea how serious his struggles were.
Since then, he’s been in and out of rehab multiple times. He completed treatment, stayed sober for about three months, relapsed, returned to rehab, relapsed again while participating in meetings and IOP, and has continued to cycle in and out of treatment. At this point, it feels like he’s spent nearly half of our relationship in rehab.
The hardest part is that much of the time we’ve spent together, he’s been drinking. One moment he’ll seem like himself, and the next he’ll become argumentative, defensive, dishonest, or someone I barely recognize. I’ve found liquor bottles and beer cans repeatedly, while being told nothing is going on.
When he was in treatment, I rearranged my work schedule whenever possible to make sure I could answer his calls. I work in healthcare with rotating shifts, so that wasn’t always easy, but I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. Sometimes it felt like those efforts were never seen or appreciated.
At the same time, my dad is battling brain cancer. Trying to support someone through addiction while also dealing with the fear, grief, and uncertainty surrounding my father’s health has been incredibly isolating. There have been so many nights spent alone with my thoughts while the person I love was either in treatment or actively drinking.
He’s heading back to rehab again, and I genuinely don’t know what the right path forward is. I love him deeply, but I’m exhausted, heartbroken, and struggling to understand what healthy support looks like versus losing myself in the process.